Title : 3/5

It suits your story, but it's not that eye-catching.

Foreword and Description : 8/10

It's good that you didn't really give too much spoilers about your story. You gave enough amount of summary, enough to make us curious about the flow and the whole story itself. I also like the quotes of each characters. They all made sense and are connected to your story. You made them yourself, right? Good job.

Appearance : 5/5

Beautiful. There's nothing else to say here.

Plot : 10/15

I have to admit that you have a pretty interesting plot. It's very intriguing, especially at the first part of your story. It made me think whether Jiyeon will like Myungsoo or not, how Taemin's and Suzy's relationship will flow, etc. But there are things that you didn't elaborate that much. Too much flashbacks also affected your plot, and the flow as well. Not all readers can come up of reasons why certain scenes happened, how this thing was related to that thing, etc. Nonetheless, it's something good and new.

Originality : 13/15

Your story is original, something I haven't encountered before. The twists are there, the excitement is there. Nice job for that.

Grammar and Spelling : 12/20

Most of your issues about this section are your punctuation marks and consistency with tenses. It's good to note that first POVs are of the past tenses and being consistent with it is a must. Also, when using first POVs, you have to know the speaker's limitations. Here are some of your mistakes:

You wrote: "I was on my way to Nambu Bust Terminal to pick Suzy up while, smiling crazily to myself just thinking about her."

You misused the comma and there's an 'incompatibility' with the words you used. It should be: "I made my way to Nambu Bus Terminal to pick Suzy up while smiling crazily to myself, just thinking about her."

You wrote: "A few minutes later, I glimpsed the three of them walked over here."

Correction: "A few minutes later, I saw the three of them walking over my spot." Using 'here' is a bit awkward to use when you're in the first POV.

You wrote: "They nodded and got into the car, but I snatched Taemin's hand before he could sit down, and got climbed in behind Suzy, sitting next to her."

This sentence doesn't make much sense. I mean in the last part, there are contradicting words. It should be: "They nodded and got into the car, but I snatched Taemin's hand before he could sit down, and climbed in to sit next to Suzy." 'Behind' contradicts the word 'beside'. Omit one of them. And 'got climbed' is invalid as well. You cannot write a past-tensed verb next to another.

You wrote: "My worrying for her studies sometimes made me not concentration on my studies."

Correction: "My worries about her studies sometimes made me not concentrated on my studies."

You wrote: "Become a psychologist was actually my goal..."

Correction: "Becoming a psychologist was actually my goal..."

Flow : 6/10

As I've said above, the amount of flashbacks you put made your story a bit jumpy. It greatly affected your flow. Try to work on lessening your flashbacks. Just put those that are really needed to make your story exciting. You don't have to write flashbacks per character. It made the story slow and a bit boring.

Characterization : 5/10 

I can't say that you did a good job here. Jiyeon's character is too masculine. I'm not saying that it doesn't suit her. It's your choice to make her like that, anyways. What I'm trying to say is that she's too violent to be realistic. Myungsoo's and Taemin's characters weren't that developed, too. It made me think of Taemin as a bipolar. He's easily angered and changes decisions suddenly. Almost all of the characters were also childish. You still can work on developing their characters.

Overall Enjoyment : 6/10

I thought I'd enjoying the story as much as I did in your foreword. Unfortunately, the flow and the characters made me bored. Anyways, good luck on your stories!

Total : 68/100

Reviewer's Note. Hope this review helped you a little in making your story better. Again, good luck! :)

 reviewed by thederpchanyeol 

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E.G.'s notes!

hi! i'm E.G.! i'm here to remind you of crediting the shop and the reviewer. i'll keep an eye on your stories! /mehrong

thanks for requesting! :)