「review」┋ Eternity
` ✼ exotic grounds — reviews gallery
Title : 3/5
It didn't really catch my attention, maybe because it's too simple. Many titles are simple but yours is too cliche, I think. Nothing wrong with the spelling, though.
Foreword and Description : 7/10
Description; It's really good. I really love how you make it short and not telling who 'he' is and who 'he' is telling to. Simple and short, but eye-catching and stunning. Well, I think, you should delete the photo, because it looks... kind of deviate the theme of your story. Your story's theme is slight angst and the background is winter, while in the photo they looks fluffy.
Foreword; You don't need to write what you already put in the description. Just put some author's note or something.
Appearance : 3/5
It's great. But, Jonghyun's face is covered and Key's face is too small. I love the background and the layout you use for the story, but I think the layout in description is slightly messed. For the font in the foreword & description, you should make it a little bigger because the colour you used is light grey. It's kinda hurts my eyes. For the look of the story, it's neat, but the photos are too many, because this is a story, not a photo shop. So, you should decrease some of it.
Plot : 14/15
Beautiful. I'm speechless. It's really great! I love how you make Key is a pure person while Jonghyun is a dumpster and bad person. But I think this is a drabble, because it isn't more than 1000 words while one-shot is +1000 words. It's too short for me so you should revealed more of their life.
Originality : 13/15
I never read or saw something like this. Original, it is, but what isn't original is Jonghyun is a bad boy while Key is a kind one. Many stories have characters like that. Except that one, everything is original.
Grammar and Spelling : 13/20
Good, for me. But, there are still some grammar errors;
Original : Although it was raining there were a lot of people outside; everyone was trying to get home soon as possible so that he can be with the people he loved.
Correction : Although it was raining, there were a lot of people outside. Everyone was trying to get home as soon as possible so that they can stayed with the people they loved.
Don't forget to put commas and dots. Seriously, it's really important. Once it's wrong, it would be complicated. And also, you clarify 'everyone' but why you put 'he' in the behind? Everyone aren't guys, right? So, you should put 'they'.
Original : I was sure that if I went to some house I would be able to hear the family having a great time, laughing together.
Correction : I was sure that if I went to some houses, I would be able to hear the families having a great time, laughing together.
Again, commas. 'Some house' mean 'Many house', right? Put 's' behind the 'house'. And you clarify 'some houses', so you should put 'families', not 'family'.
Original : I looked around desperately, hoping that he will show up from somewhere and everything will be allright... but he wasn't there.
Correction : I looked around desperately, hoping that he'll show up from somewhere and everything will be alright. But, he wasn't even there.
Your spelling errors there. And, your dots' errors too.
Original : I was walking down the street; the rain wetted my chlothes, but I didn't care.
Correction : I was walking down the street. The rain drenched my clothes, but I didn't care.
Dots and commas again. You shouldn't use ';' this too much. Spelling of 'chlothes' to 'clothes', and also your verb for 'wetted'. There's no such thing as 'wetted'. It should be 'drenched'.
I read again but what wrong of your grammars are; 'punctuations' and 'some & any'. Do remember, you should checked your story again before you posted it. Learn more about Punctuations and Some & Any because they're really important. Beside that, nothing wrong with your grammars and spellings. Your tenses also really good. Good job!
Flow : 7/10
Too fast to end it, like I said before. You should revealed the character's life, what they were like. Why Jonghyun hurted him? Why Jonghyun dumped him? Why you make the title 'Snow Again'? It must be they were gotten together again while snow before right? Why? Explain more.
Characterization : 8/10
Average. I don't know what Key and Jonghyun were like, but I know what their personality are. I like how you slipped some words for their personality in the end.
Overall Enjoyment : 9/10
I really enjoyed it. What I didn't like is your flow is too fast. The readers absolutely wanted to know more about them.
Total : 77/100
Reviewer's Notes: I'm sorry if this is too short. And sorry if this is a little... strict? But remember, checked your story first before posted it. Once again, good job, Eternity! Learn more, okay?
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