Annoying  Handsome  Bastard  Called  Sehun  

                           by mia_woohyun 

Title: 3/5

It's kinda long and sounds overused. A lot of stories say "Jerk/annoying/guy I really hate turns out to be my love!" You might have not any other choice, but just be aware of that bias.

Appearance: 5/5

It's cute and I like the trailer. No complaints

Foreword/Desciption: 6/10

Your summary in your description is great. However, the tense often changes a lot. The grammar could use some work and you have some spelling errors. I don't really like character charts since I want to learn about your characters through your writing. I know some reviewers take points off for not putting a chart, but I'm taking points because mistakes in charts make your story less appealing and looks like you didn't take enough time to write it. In my opinion, why do something when it causes you more work and gives you more room to make mistakes? 

Plot: 12/15

For some reason I can't see how your description is related to your story. I can see the conflict between Sehun and Hyeri, but it just stays the same for two chapters. You should be giving your reader hints about what the story is going to become so they will stay. For example, how is Hyeri's and Kris's relationship compromised? I mean, with the description, do you really expect me to not see them until the middle or end of the story? It seems like Kris has a huge part in it. Also, seeing Hyeri or Sehun back down for just a moment might have the reader wonder, "Is Hyeri/Sehun really the person I thought he/she was?" I know you're just starting your story, but I think I should get those vibes by the fourth chapter. 

Originality: 9/15

Really cliched story. I'll give you points on the first impression, which is very amusing, but I see this story all over the place. A girl gets ticked off by a guy, but her friend is attracted to him. Right. 

Grammar/Spelling: 13/20

You have consistent problems in maintaining a tense.
Just choose either to write completely in present or past. It's a common problem, but I saw changes in tense in the same sentence.

You also have some spelling errors, like "principle" instead of "principal" or "maths" instead of "math". Be careful with that. 

Characterization: 8/10

I'm getting the feeling right now that all of your characters are static. I know it's early in the story, but people are more complicated than the image they put. Stories are supposed to reveal that. I already spent time giving suggestion in the plot section. I hope in your future chapters you will show different sides of Hyeri and/or Sehun. 

Flow: 9/10

Your flow is pretty good! I just had some trouble following between days, but it's not that bad. 

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10

I'm guessing you're not a native English speaker, because some of your sentences make sense but usually wouldn't be said in a country that predominantly speaks English. I actually really like that! It gives the story a bit of a flair you don't really see most of the time, and it doesn't impede your meaning. However, I'm disappointed that I'm not getting the feeling that your story has depth. Otherwise, you could have had me sold. 

Total: 72/100

aznawzmao's note: Hi! Sorry this took so long, I was sick and had exams. (Double-suicide >.<) Anyway, I really wished the originality section had less of an impact because I guess it's hard to get ideas that's not similar to what other people have done. All the other things, I think I have stated my opinion fairly on. Thanks for requesting me! 

Review by aznawzmao

posted 1.26.13