「review」┋unicornx-
` ✼ exotic grounds — reviews gallery
by unicornx-
Title: 5/5
Appearance: 1/5
No poster or background...
I did like the chapter image though.
I did like the chapter image though.
Foreword/Description: 6/10
Sorry, had to cut some of the points off for not having a foreword. It's quite important to give your readers a foreword just in case they don't get into your story just from your description.
Plot: 13/15
A nice plot, definitely.
Originality: 13/15
Though it's not something that thousands of authors are writing about, it is one of the main topics that most angst writers would write about.
However, the way you twisted the story made your story stand out than the others.
However, the way you twisted the story made your story stand out than the others.
Grammar/Spelling: 15/20
You didn't have any typos that I caught! Hooray!
But! You tend to throw in comas everywhere in your story. No need to overdose on the comas ^^
Sentences usually sound better when you connect them together with a word, rather than a punctuation.
Original: They sent him the box, because they didn't want to deal with the memory of Jongin.
But! You tend to throw in comas everywhere in your story. No need to overdose on the comas ^^
Sentences usually sound better when you connect them together with a word, rather than a punctuation.
Original: They sent him the box, because they didn't want to deal with the memory of Jongin.
Suggested: They sent him the box because they didn't want to deal with the memory of Jongin.
No need to add in a coma there. Also, I was wondering if you meant to write 'memory' or 'memories'. Like... the memory of knowing Jongin or memories of Jongin. If that makes sense.
Original: Then Kyungsoo would scream at him, slap his bare skin as Jongin begged for him to stop in a mocking voice, smirk playing on his lips, and somehow, they'd end up stumbling into the shower together.
No need to add in a coma there. Also, I was wondering if you meant to write 'memory' or 'memories'. Like... the memory of knowing Jongin or memories of Jongin. If that makes sense.
Original: Then Kyungsoo would scream at him, slap his bare skin as Jongin begged for him to stop in a mocking voice, smirk playing on his lips, and somehow, they'd end up stumbling into the shower together.
Whew, girl. There's 4 comas in that sentence!
Suggested: Then Kyungsoo would scream at him while slapping his bare skin, Jongin begging him to stop in a mocking voice and a smirk on his lips, the two somehow always ending up in the shower together.
Same message, less comas (:
Same message, less comas (:
Characterization: 9/10
Flow: 9/10
I don't know why... but for a oneshot, the beginning seemed su~per long and dragged out @-@
Overall Enjoyment: 9/10
Total: 80/100
channicki's note: Sorry! Dr3amer is currently bombarded with reviews so she asked me to review this story for her ^^
Sorry if I seemed like meanie while reviewing. I'm quite a strict reviewer.
I enjoyed this story as much as I did to Scribbles From the Heart and Fifteen Moments~
lub yew~<3
review by channicki
posted 2.2.13
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