「review」┋ b2stftw
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don't leave
by b2stftw
by b2stftw
Title: 1/5
I really think that your title is too long. It really puts me off when I see Don't Leave and then a continuation of so many words. I know it isn't the title but, still, I wouldn't want to read this type of story. Titles like this really put me off and I think that you should just put it as Don't Leave instead of adding the "even though shes ugly and a total nerd, i somehow fell for you". Worst of all, there are grammatical errors in the title itself.
Foreword/Description: 5/10
Sorry, but your description and foreword really leaves me...speechless. As in the bad type of speechless. Really, the description you written. It's the typical, every day type of stories I see and it is so boring for me. Try to make it more mysterious and more...unpredictable. I already know what type of story yours is going to be when I read the description you written. And, the foreword is too... I rather you write your author's note in it than describe the characters. The characters should be developed in the story itself, not be described this way.
Appearance: 3/5
I think I can say that the poster is cool but it leaves me to wonder why L.Joe and Myungsoo appears twice in the poster. Really. I would have thought that there were two appearances of the two boys like L.Joe and Byunghun, Myungsoo and L. Something like that.
Plot: 3/15
Overused is an understatement and I mean it literally. Seriously, almost all OC stories go like this with a girl, who has a sister of some sort, meets a male and maybe falls in love. Then, her sister or her friends want to break them up. Yeah, pretty plot. Don't you think so? I wouldn't mind that much if your story isn't so..straight-forward. I don't know how to get this message across but the way you write the story, it really is too straight-forward. You don't know how to describe it. You just write down the sentence and that's it. It is too..predictable.
Originality: 3/15
I guess I already made it a point to talk about it above. OC stories are too unoriginal and, to type it off, I don't like the way you written it or more like described the story. Have you ever heard of the quote "The description begins in the writer's mind and ends in the readers' mind."? Your story doesn't charm me in any way nor is it mysterious.
Grammar: 7/20
CAPITALIZATION. Tell me, are the capital letters forbidding you to use them? No? Good. Then, why aren't you using capital letters. Capital letters are to be used at the start of a sentence, darling. You started so many sentences with a small letter and even 'I' is in small letter. Names too. The EH for Eun Hee's name has to be in capitals letters, darling, and the same goes for the other names.
APOSTROPHE. The title first. Shes should be She's. It is supposed to stand for she is whereas shes doesn't mean anything though I get what you want to say. I don't want to sound rude for saying this but I do wonder why you know how to use apostrophe for will but don't know how to use it to 's'. Most of your words that should have an apostrophe doesn't have. I hope that you will make it a point to change it.
POSSESSIVE PRONOUNS. For example, the foreword where you describe L.Joe. You said, "his popular among girls.." In that case, you have to use he's or he is instead of his. His is one of the many possessive pronouns and possessive pronouns means a pronoun indicating possession. Now, tell me, his what makes him popular among girls? I don't know. Only you know.
PUNCTIATION. First, I don't really know how to correct you on this mistake but I do know that you use commas in totally wrong places. You use commas where you shouldn't and don't you use when you should. For example, the foreword where you described L.Joe and you said, "nothing but a jerk towards eun hee, as soon as she..." You must not use a comma for that. I don't know how to explain this but I am sure of myself. Second, any type of punctiation is to be used at the end of a sentence bu I don't see them. When someone finish speaking, I don't see you using any pun citations and that is wrong.
SPELLING. Some spelling errors here and there. For example, in the foreword, under the her thoughts part, you wrote "weirs". It should be weird not weirs. Another example, under the his thoughts part, you wrote "ye". It should be the not ye.
Characterization: 3/10
You already described it in the foreword so I don't really have anything to say but I do have some comments. For Eun Hee, you described her as a shy girl but I don't really see her as the shy type after reading the first few chapters. At first, yes, she was shy and I won't deny it. However, after that, she grew so brave and I think a tad too brave. For L.Joe, he is one of the main characters it I don't really see him appearing much except for some random appearances of his feelings. For Jessica, she is just one of the side characters but she appears more than L.Joe and I think that isn't too good. For Eun Jung, I don't really have anything to say about her but just hope that she won't appear as much as Jessica.
Flow: 4/10
It is way too fast. One moment Jessica is in Eun Hee's home and the next moment, Jessica kills Eun Hee's umma. It's a little strange and foreign to me. Also, your scenes just kind of jump about which really confuses me very much. Your chapters are also very short but they don't make me anticipate anything. Write a little description here and there and I can guarentee your chapters wouldn't be so short and not too fast too.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/10
It was cool to read your story and all but I don't really think I really enjoyed it that much. The grammatical erros put me off very much. I know it has been a really harsh review and one of the reasons is because I am depressed. Also, I don't feel the need to sugar-coat the situation nor write sweet-nothings in it since it won't help you and it will be a waste of time.
Total: 32/100
thederpchanyeol's note. here's your review! please your own copy of this (blog, tumblr, etc.) for future uses. thanks for requesting! don't forget to credit the shop and the reviewer! :)
reviewed by -midnight
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