❊ threecheers
` ✼ exotic grounds — reviews gallery
❊ the thing about twists in life
title: 3/5
The title seemed a bit too long, but I actually liked it. Whether I'd click to read your story based on the title? No.
Also, I didn't really see a connection between the title and story. Sure, you added the title into the story, but I didn't see twists... at all.
foreword and description: 9/10
I didn't find any mistakes in the foreword nor description. Congrats !
I have to admit though... having a description, foreword, and summary that had something completely different written in them kind of threw me off.
appearance: 4/5
It's a nice poster, but I didn't think it captured the mood of the story. Your font was nice, though. Easy to read.
plot: 13/15
It was a nice plot, indeed. It's nice to read stories where someone doesn't notice what they have until it "leaves".
originality: 8/15
Didn't think it was very original.
grammar and spelling: 12/20
There were a few minor spelling mistakes.
Ex: Say was written incorrectly as: Stay.
Also, you forgot some spaces in between words.
Remember for ellipsis (...), put a space after them.
What really irked me in your story was the overly thrown parenthesis.
The first two times, I thought to myself "oh. she must be a good author, knowing how to correctly use them". but as I continued to read on, I got really annoyed.
You can substitute some parenthesis with comas or hyphens. Actually, you have to on some parts.
Original: He eyes the reason for his suffering - the star player Kim Jongin (known to people as Kai) - and glares with...
Suggested: He eyes the star soccer player Kim Jongin - also known as Kai - who was the reason for his suffering with a killing intent.
Use that as an example for the rest. I really couldn't stand the thrown up parenthesis. You also used A LOT of hyphens.
What also annoyed me was when you'd list so many things. Rather than listing the things with literal numbers, just write sentences with details.
flow: 7/10
The flows from Kyungsoo to Chanyeol was really well written, but the flow when writing about Kyungsoo and Kai seemed rushed.
characterization: 6/10
I got Kyungsoo's character for sure... but for Chanyeol and Kai? No. I understood the two because I'm a hardcore EXO fan who already knows of their personalities, but if a new EXO fan was to read, I don't think they would've understood.
If it weren't for your direct characterization, I wouldn't even know about Kai's personality. He's barely written about. When you did write about him, though, you just repeated yourself by calling him popular.
overall enjoyment: 5/10
I have to admit, I'd get tired in the middle of your story and go on a different website before reading again. It just seemed so dull and dragged on.
total: 67/100
reviewer: channicki
notes: Sorry if I seem like a total ... I really don't mean any harm. Hope you take my review as a little push.
reminders:
01. don't forget to credit us. :)
02. use our work for at least a month.
03. comment after picking up.
04. like the review? upvote us now!
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