Not that appealing either. 

Appearance: 3/5

You should've put some character description on the foreword. But ignore it, I've found a story that gets an excellent review when it has no description. And the poster. You should've requested a poster instead of putting Key's picture as one.

Plot: 9/15

I like it! But it's kinda cliché.

Originality: 5/15

Your story is realistic, but I know that there are a lot of stories like this one.

Grammar/Spelling: 17/20

A few grammar mistakes. Please note that even a punctuation mark means A LOT to even a single word. "Its" is used to state ownership while "It's" is used to state something like "it's my house" or "it's an apple".

Characterization: 7/10

I recommend you to use a character chart.

Flow: 10/10

Love it <3

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10

Total: 65/100