Title : 2/5

Can't say it really got my attention, though the title itself was able to produce ambiguous plots. It's a little too common and perhaps, dull.

Foreword/Description : 7/10

You gave sufficient details of the story and did not revealed much about it. But then again, I wasn't that fascinated with the plot. Kind of clique (both foreword & description)? The description did match the story title well though.

Appearance : 2/5

Simple. Did hope there was something related with masks or half of the face covered (the girl’s blind). Although their faces were expressionless, the poster looked radiant and happy [?] Neither angst nor comedy, just plain. And since your story's female lead's a blind girl, I thought it would be better if the girl had her eyes closed; covering/striking her eyes off would probably be a total giveaway (readers would figure that she is blind)

Plot : 9/15

So never did the thought of Lu Han acting cocky cross my mind. Bravo. I liked how you started with a jogging scene. (It's so hot. LOL) And, THE GIRL'S BLIND! Whoa, definitely something special and worth the read. Jeez, Lu Han's such a cold jerk… 

Your plot’s okay, but there seemed to be something missing. Like a , you know? Or maybe you should have elaborated more when the of the story reached. It would give readers a great impact, as it is an important part of the plot.

Originality : 13/15

Original to me. Good.

Grammar : 12/20

I’ll talk about your grammar, plus mistakes as you read. 

First, you tend to repeat what you have said, causing the sentences to lengthen, and therefore, resulting a run-on sentence (no periods, and blabbering all your thoughts in one-shot.) to be caused. 

(The repeating of your sentences, together with the run-on sentences will be explained separately.)

(Repeating of actions)

Example#1:

“He stopped for a while to control his breathing. It wasn’t that his breathing had gone rough after an hour of jogging…”

“…and took a deep breath before starting to jog again.”

Suggestion:

“He stopped for a while to control his breathing. It didn’t meant that he was unfit…”

“…and inhaled deeply before continuing his jog.”

Here, you can use a variety of words without repeating same things all over again.

Example#2:

 “do you mind if I sit here?”

“Please take a seat,” she said; her hand tapped the empty spot next to her, gesturing him to sit there. “

Suggestion:

“do you mind if I sit here?”

“Please take a seat,” she said; gesturing him by tapping on an empty spot beside her. 

Example#3:

 “He felt as if a vein had popped on his forehead.”

“A vein appeared on his forehead.”

Suggestion:

“His forehead creased in irritation.”

“His brows furrowed in confusion.”

(Run-on sentences)

Examples:

 “the fact that his Korean counterpart seemed to receive more love than his unit royally pissed him off.”

“He knew that he was in Korea so that it was more reasonable to hear people sang the Korean version of the song”

“but he couldn’t hide his surprise that for the first time a girl around his age would only compliment their singing ability and give no remarks on their looks and dancing talent.”

“The cat meowed softly before resting it head near an expensive looking tear shaped pendant hanging from her necklace.”

“It seemed that he had no other option but to be honest with the blind girl since she appeared to be able to sense emotions in his tune.”

Suggestions:

“the fact that his Korean counterpart received more affection than his unit, royally pissed him off.”

“Knowing that this was Korea, he felt it was more typical to have fans singing the Korean version instead.” (I think you need to add another sentence about how he felt upon hearing a girl singing in Chinese instead.)

“but he couldn’t hide his amusement. For the first time, a girl around his age complimented their singing ability instead, giving no remarks on their looks and dancing talents.”

“The cat meowed softly, before resting its head near her expensive-looking, tear-shaped pendant necklace.”

“It seemed that he had no other option but to be honest with her, since she could sense his emotions accurately.”

Well, that was a lot. You wanted to describe an object/etc, more. But you forgot to use commas, making your sentence lengthy and non-stopping. 

Next, on certain sentences, your use of dashes (—) and semicolons (;) were wrong. And it is important to know the rules of them first, before putting them in a sentence. 

This (http://theoatmeal.com/comics/semicolon ) source, and this (http://www.wikihow.com/Use-a-Dash-in-an-English-Sentence) , will let you have a clearer understanding on the punctuations. I’ll quote some of the info and explain it to you here.

Examples:

“He knew that they—EXO—were all singers and are supposed to be praised on how good they sing,”

“It was unfair—he thought—he had trained longer than most of them”

“She smiled bitterly; she waved her free hand in front of her eyes to emphasize her point.”

“She turned to him and he started to notice the cloudy shadows on both of her eyes; the bitter smile crept on her face again.”

“Whether you were there or not didn’t really matter; I would’ve cried on my own anyway.”

“She leaned back to the bench; her eyes were closed as she brought her slim face to face the sky.”

“He looked at her; amusement was on his eyes.”

“She was their only child; therefore they really loved and spoilt her.”

Suggestions:

“He knew that they, EXO, were all singers and were supposed to be praised on their singing abilities.”

“He thought it was unfair—he had trained longer than most of them.”

“She smiled bitterly, waving a free hand in front of her eyes to emphasize her point.”

“Whether you were here or not didn’t really matter I would’ve cried on my own anyway.”

“She leaned back to the bench. Her eyes were closed as she faced upwards to the sky.”

Note: The corrections of words aren’t the main objective. We are going to look at the punctuations. 

After reading the sources, there was one below point number 8, “Wrong: My best friend—Sam—went to the doctor with me today.” 

Similar? It is. EXO is not an appositive.

The second mistake. Only use (em)dashes when you have two independent clauses. You should know what I’m referring to— unless you didn’t read the sources. It’s important!

Under rule number three, you should know the dash was used wrongly. 

“He thought,” is not a ‘thought’. 

Moving on, semicolons are used when your sentences are related. RELATED. To figure out whether they are related, you can replace it with a full stop and read it. It’s common sense, actually.

Typo/Spelling and other mistakes:

hopping (hoping)

He heard a soft voice was singing a tune he was very familiar with. (He heard a soft voice singing along a tune. It sounded familiar.)

slumped at the bench (slumped onto the bench)

covered his face with both of his palm in (buried his face into his hands)

*I think when you said, “back of her hand”, you meant the palm, right?*