“Life is meaningless only if we allow it to be. Each of us has the power to give life meaning, to make our time and our bodies and our words into instruments of love and hope.”

I have now proven that when you’re striving hard to get something you want, you’ll end up getting it. I know that I’ve been such an all these years and I’m a walking problem with a twin named “trouble”. I don’t know, but I guess God really destined me to someone who can take and accept everything about me without even thinking twice and getting tired. I must say that I’m the luckiest of all because I have a wonderful partner who is ready to sacrifice and be selfless just for me.

“Oppa…are you sure about this?” I asked for the millionth time.

We’ve decided to consult the doctor the next day. I don’t know, but when my husband opened up the topic about trying again, I rejoiced for I am totally shocked with his sudden change of mind. Well, I’ve got to thank Grandma for this coz if it weren’t for her words, things are not going to be like this at all.

“Aigoo…do you really have to ask me that same question over and over and over again?” he asked, making me chuckle.

“I just want to make sure…coz Oppa…if you don’t really want to go on with this…it’s just fine with me” I told him and he smirked.

“Yaaaaa…if you continue being like this…I might change my mind again” he said and I shook my head.

“Alright…I will not ask anything anymore” I said, receiving a loud and hearty laugh from him.

Now that my husband is good with trying to have another baby again, I feel like I’ve regained my strength. I’m really dying to have another baby and this whole thing is making me excited for I have a strong feeling that this procedure will work, especially now that G-dragon is going to cooperate fully.

“I will be honest with you guys” Doctor Park is really so helpful all throughout and I’m so thankful for her “This is going to be doubly hard…but let’s not lose hope at all for we are going to work this thing out as much as we could…this is going to be an excruciating challenge for the both of you…it can even test your partnership so better brace yourselves for something intense” she said.

G-dragon and I looked at each other as if we’re weighing each other’s feelings. I don’t know, but I’m confident that we’ll surpass any challenges for this is just a small thing compared to the past.

“We’re good with it doc…we know that things are gonna go well” G-dragon said then looked at me with a sweet smile on his face.

I caressed his cheek and smiled back “I agree….this is gonna succeed” I said and Doctor Park gave a satisfied nod.

After that, our hell already started. I am into medications again. I’m injecting every single day and it’s just so insane for not in my wildest dreams have I thought that this will happen to me. I’m afraid of needles and here I am now, befriending them.

“Aigoo” G-dragon said while rubbing a cotton with alcohol on my lower abdomen.

“You want to do it?” I asked and he shook his head right away.

“Aigoo…you’re being a baby once again” I pulled out a syringe and injected it in a swift move.

“AAAAHHHH!” he rolled like a kid in bed while acting like he’s the one who’s hurting.

He is afraid of needles as well but he’s much worse than me. I’m telling you, he will not even touch a single syringe at all. Our daughter is braver than him actually for she helps me with the injections sometimes.

“That hurts” he said while looking at my stomach closely.

“Do you want to get injected?” I shoved a new syringe in front of his face and he moved back in a snap of a finger.

“OMO!” he fell on the floor for he moved back exaggeratingly, not noticing that he’s already on the edge of the bed.

I was tearing because I can’t stop myself from laughing. It was so hilarious. G-dragon is making a fool of himself just because of a small needle.

Once I’m calmed down already, I pulled out my calendar and counted my remaining medication days and my face brightened upon seeing that my pain is going to end tomorrow already.

Hours passed by and the medicine is kicking the hell out of me. I’m a bit weak and restless once again. I’m just so thankful that my mother in-law decided to look after Athena first while we’re doing IVF. Well, I know that this is going to be a long process and I’m feeling so bad for my daughter coz I can’t be the mother that I am to her nowadays for my medications is really getting the best of me.

“Omma….do you have a baby in your tummy already?” Athena asked while we’re watching cartoons with a bowl of skittles in between us.

“There’s none yet beautiful…we just have to wait a little bit longer and this tummy of mine will have your baby sister or brother already” I answered and she sighed heavily.

If before, Athena doesn’t want to have any siblings, now, all she can pray for is for me to get pregnant already. This is a good thing for we won’t be having any difficulties in making her accept the new baby.

Two months has passed and we’re all set for the next step. Doctor Park is going to transfer the healthy embryos into my uterus already. This is a tricky procedure for there is no assurance that even one of the embryos will live.

“I put four in there…let’s just wish that at least one of them lives” Doctor Park said after doing the procedure.

This is the hardest part of all. What will I do if none of these embryos live? I’m sure that it’s going to break not only my heart, but the hearts of my husband and daughter as well.

“Let’s wait for two weeks to know if it’s a success” the moment I heard this, I prayed right away for it to be a success coz if this fails, we will have to wait for another six months to a year to try and my chances of getting pregnant again after that is slimmer than now.

A week has passed and our minds are already twisted and messed up by the whole IVF success. G-dragon and I have done everything in our power for this one to turn out right. If there’s one thing that we want now, it is to have those two lines on the pregnancy test next week.

“Oppa…what will we do if it turns out negative?” I asked and he pulled me for a hug then kissed my temple.

He then looked straight into my eyes and smiled “It’s going to be positive…trust me….this is going to work” he hugged me again tightly and tears suddenly fell down from my cheeks.

I’m really afraid that things will not go our way again. I know that once this fails, my husband will stop from trying already for he cleared to me that he will give this whole pregnancy thing ONE LAST SHOT which means, there won’t be a second one anymore.

This is weird. Why am I not even feeling any symptoms at all? It’s already the week that we’ve been waiting for and yet, I’m feeling nothing. Is this an indication that we failed?

The moment I opened my eyes, a question popped in my head right away “Am I pregnant already?” Actually, I’m supposed to be testing myself right thing very minute, but there’s a part of me saying not to take it for I’m not ready for it yet.

Minutes after, G-dragon’s phone alarmed, waking him up in a flash. He looked at me and I just looked back. None of us are saying a word and it’s already freaking my mind up “