“Each experiences through which we pass operates ultimately for our good. This is correct attitude to adopt and we must be able to see it in that light”

Fear. This is every human being’s worst enemy. Because of fear, we choose to not do the things that we want. It’s like, wanting to go with your friends to the mall but because you’re afraid of your mother, you’ll just say pass and go home. It’s like falling in love, you’re deeply and madly into him but you’re afraid of getting hurt so you’ll just turn your back to that someone and wish that one day, you’ll have another chance to cross paths again.

I’ve got a lot of fears. I’m scared of almost everything. People. Animals. Problems that is just so impossible to solve. Most especially, I fear that one day, my marriage will just go down the drain.

Well, it almost went down. I nearly lost the most special person in my life. Things got so messy and totally twisted between us and I must admit, it’s all my fault. I became selfish once again and he’s had enough of it. I’ve hurt him, deeply to the point that he nearly let go of me already. I’m just fortunate coz his love for me is so strong that he can’t picture himself without me. I’m one lucky for I’ve got myself a man who loves me amidst all the stupid things that I’ve done and is still doing.

After G-dragon confronted me, things got a little cold between us. We live in one roof, but we live different lives. He works non-stop to the point that he’s not leaving his studio anymore. We pretend to be fine in front of our daughter and we’re just so thankful that she didn’t even feel that something bad is going on between me and her father. Unlike before, no one is leaving the other and for some reasons, we’re not doing anything to patch things up, we just let each other be and is waiting for the other to bend.

“Oppa” I gathered all the courage in my body and decided to talk to him after a month of not even having a serious conversation.

He looked at me with longing in his eyes “Yes?” his tone is still cold.

“I just want to tell you that….I just got home from the hospital” I’ve did something that I’m sure is gonna make him happy.

“Alright” he said and continued doing his thing, totally annoying me. All I want is to have a decent talk with him.

“I already stopped my medications….I called the IVF thing off” I’m having the hardest time of my life now. I feel like, I just wasted my time into something that I want so badly. I am also disappointed because once again, I quit when I swore to myself that I will fight for what I want till the end.

“I thought you’re gonna stick with it no matter what?” he asked and he just hit a precious nerve.

What the hell! I just let go of something I want and here he is, being an . I stopped this whole IVF thing just for him and for us to be good again, but I guess what I did is not enough. He’s still the cold jerk that he is for weeks now.

“I gave it up because I want us to be good again….Oppa…I know that the reason why you’re treating me as if I don’t exist is because you want me to let go of my craziness…now…I’ve already done it….I’ve let go of it…happy?” I asked and he just stared at me.

I don’t know why he’s being so hard, but this is really getting the best of me. I’m not waiting for a big reaction. All I want is for him to act normal around me again. I’m tired of his cold treatment and I’m so sick of pretending that we’re fine in front of Athena.

 “Honestly…I am…thank you because finally…you’ve woken up to your senses” he is annoying me big time and I’m about to snap already.

“Oppa…c’mon….let’s stop this…I’m done with this cold war…I want us to be husband and wife again…I know that I’ve hurt you so much…and I’m sorry for that…from this day on…I will not do anything like that again….please…let’s forget that all this happened and live as partners again” I’m hoping that my sincerity will touch him.

He just stared at me for I don’t know how long and the moment he stood up from his seat and went near me, I already know that we’re just inches away from reconciliation again.

“Are you just going to stare at me? Don’t you want to hug your husband?” he stretched out his arms to the side and smiled sweetly at me.

“Oppa” I hugged him right away and he hugged me back tightly.

“I’m sorry for the things that I’ve said and for being cold to you” he said, still hugging me.

I pulled out from the hug and looked straight into his eyes “You don’t have to apologize…I’m the one whose done wrong…I’m sorry again” I told him and he leaned in for a kiss.

From that day onwards, we have brushed off the whole baby thing already. We have agreed to not bring up that matter out ever again and even though it’s still a bit hard for me to accept, I just go with the flow and had myself busy with motherhood and being a wife, though there are times wherein I cry myself to sleep because thoughts of having another baby is still popping out of my head.

I can say that I’ve changed a lot after that. I became more reserved and I tend not to listen to myself anymore. I just go with whatever G-dragon tells me to do and almost everyone who knows us has noticed these changes. I am not the Ishi who has a say on everything for I choose not to talk at all. My decisions are all up to my husband as well. No one is asking me to change though, this is my choice and in one way or another, everybody gets freaked by it, including my husband.

“I don’t get it….why do I feel like…you’re living everyday as a robot already….you’re going by a routine now and you’re being a typical wife who chooses not to talk or speak her mind out