“Love does not traffic in a marketplace, nor use a huckster’s scales. Its joy, like the joy of the intellect, is to feel itself alive. The aim of Love is to love; no more, and no less”

I’m enjoying my “freedom”. When I was still in the military, I keep on imagining my life after it and now that I’m in that moment already, I seem to over-imagine things. I know that I’d be struggling a bit most especially with my career, but what I didn’t expect is how my wife is now. Well, she’s so hectic to the point that we only see each other at night and even though I know and can understand what’s happening, I can’t help but be annoyed about it. I don’t know why, but there are times when I see a different Ishi in front of me. I feel like she’s not her own being. She talks less, she’s more reserved and all she can think about is her busy and crazy schedules. I must admit, I did explode the moment I had enough of it and I’m just thankful that it didn’t fire up that much.

“Hey there Oppa!” she greeted upon entering the apartment.

“Oh! It’s so late already” I helped her with her things as she plopped herself on the couch.

“I was recording for my upcoming album and there are still a lot to finish” she said and I just stared at her as she yawns.

“Have you eaten already?” I asked and sat on the table in front of her.

“I’m too tired to eat Oppa…it’s all good…I’ll just sleep this off” she answered and it really made me furious.

How can she ditch eating for sleeping? Alright, I’m like that as well, but from the way she’s looking right now, I can say that she’s been eating less and I know so well that once this goes on, she’ll be going back to rehab again because of anorexia.

“I’ll cook something for you...wash up and change first” I patted her knee and stood up, but she grabbed me by the wrist.

“There’s no need Oppa…seriously…I’m not hungry” she said and rested her head back then closed her eyes.

“YAH!” I exclaimed, shocking her.

“What’s up with you Oppa?” she asked curiously.

“What’s up with me? You’re asking me what’s up with me? Ishi Kwon…I should be the one asking that question to you…WHAT’S UP WITH YOU? What did your career do to you while I’m away?” I raged in anger and it scared her.

“I can’t understand…” she said in confusion while I try to calm myself down.

As much as possible, I don’t want to give her another thing to think about because I know that she’s got a lot in that big and smart brain of hers already. Ishi has bit more than she can chew and I don’t know what to do with her anymore.

“Look…you’re so different already…I feel like…you’re not the Ishi that I loved years ago…I don’t know if it’s just your work getting the best of you or it has changed you already…I’ve been here for days now and not even a single day have you given me your time…Yes! We see each other at night…but…do you think that’s enough? I mean…just look at you now! You’re too beat to even eat…what more talk to me? Not only that…you even slept in the middle of our lovemaking last night…did you know that it hurt my pride? Huh? Ishi…this is not how things are supposed to be…seriously…this is crap already!” I snapped out and all she can do is stare at me with watery eyes.

Her tears are my weakness and she knows this so well. But, I just can’t give in and let this issue be buried because this is not just another issue, this is a big one and I really think that we have to figure things out this early than wait for it to get big.

“Oppa” she called and I just can’t look at her for it’ll just give me pain.

“I’m sorry…I know that I’m in out nowadays…truth is…I’m feeling bad as well because I can’t even give you my time…but Oppa…I’m trying…I’m trying so hard to at least be there for you and spend time with you...if you only know how much I want to be with you every second of everyday…it’s hurting me because I can’t even make love to you like what we normally do…I’m sorry for falling asleep last night…I’m sorry for everything” she curled up into a ball and cried.

All I can do is sigh and comfort her. I’m still fed up with the whole thing, but I just can’t let my wife be in the dark all alone. I know that she’s trying to juggle me and her work, and I think I’ve overdone things awhile ago. I should’ve talked to her in a calm way. I should’ve not raged in anger as well.

“Baby” I hugged her and next thing I know it, I’m tearing up already.

“Look at me” I forced her to face me then looked straight into her eyes “I’m sorry for bursting out…Oppa should’ve taken it easy and calmly…I’m sorry” I said and hugged her again.

“Why are you apologizing Oppa? I’m the one who is supposed to be saying sorry…not you” she said in between sobs and I shook my head.

“Shhh….stop crying now…please…you’re just making Oppa more guilty” I told her and she was trying to stop it, but her tears are flowing down like waterfalls down her cheeks.

“Aigoo” I said and wiped her tears.

After that, I just let things to cool down and didn’t even force her to eat anymore. I just brought her to our room and stayed beside her till she falls asleep and then, I got myself some red wine and figured things out by myself.

The next morning, I’m feeling well already and my mind has cleared up as well. If there’s one thing that the military taught me, it’s the art of clearing your mind for soldiers cannot go to war with a clouded head. It took me a lot of time to master it.

“Oh!” I said upon seeing Ishi awake already.

“Wow!” she sat up in bed and gave the sweetest smile of all.

I prepared her breakfast to make up for last night. I don’t know, but my romantic side is kicking in again and I’m telling you, the love that I have in my heart is bursting wildly.

“Egg rolls…Kimchi fried rice and bacon for my cry baby” I placed the tray in front of her and kissed her temple.

“Thank you Oppa” she said and leaned in for a kiss “I love you” she caressed my cheek, making me smile.

“Love you too….eat up now…Eon hyung called awhile ago and …he wants me to tell you that he’ll be fetching you here around 11am” I told her and she gave a nod.

“Open up” she fed me some egg rolls and smiled while watching me chew.

“Yaaa…why aren’t you eating? Does the food taste bad?” I asked and she shook her head.

“No Oppa…it’s delicious!” she answered and continued staring at me.

“Then why aren’t you eating? Why do you keep on staring at me?” I asked and she chuckled.

“Aigoo…why? Don’t you like it whenever your wife stares at you? Didn’t you know that most guys love it because it makes them feel so handsome and it boosts their self-esteem as well” she said, earning a smirk from me.

“I love it whenever you look at me like that…but…you need to eat fast because Eon hyung will be here befor