Don't Say Goodbye - Davichi

Narrator's POV

"So what's the baby's gender?" Leeteuk greeted after shutting the door close behind him. The two women glared at him weirdly until Min Yu realized he was serious. "Dr. Jin has to run some tests first before we can know, dad," she stated before rolling her eyes at him. The older woman just smiled and motioned for her to climb up the bed while Leeteuk settled on one of the seats.

Nervously gulping, Min Yu obliged, her hand involuntarily reaching down for her stomach. She braced herself for what the good doctor will say, afraid she might recommend something she herself would never consider. But Min Yu lay down anyway, watching warily as Dr. Jin had in her hand the probe. Lifting her shirt up, the doctor had her eyes fixed on the sight.

"How long has it been like this?" asked the doctor, immediately pressing the cold metal stethoscope on the bruised skin. And it wasn't as if Min Yu had physically hurt herself. She just took a bath one morning and was horrified herself -- the purplish blue marks and the bulging veins all together made her stomach more of a map than just plain skin.

"Just last week," she replied, "Right after my bleeding stopped." And she chewed on her bottom lip, wondering if her statement would somehow turn out wrongly. "Does Donghae know about this?" the woman prodded, glancing at the ultrasound monitor occasionally. They talked in hushed sentences, afraid Leeteuk would freak out if he knew.

Min Yu shook her head no, and Dr. Jin sighed disapprovingly. "We'll talk about this later," she muttered lowly before turning to Jungsoo. "Mr. Park, you can see the baby here now." The doctor gestured to the monochromatic screen that showed the growing creature inside her. "What's the gender? What's the gender?" The man literally squealed.

"...Aaaand drum roll please," Jungsoo announced in his MC voice as he drummed his hands noisily against the wooden table. "Sorry for my dad," Min Yu turned to Dr. Jin looking apologetic. "He's more excited than me."  She yanked her shirt down and stood up from the bed slowly, taking each step towards the chair as carefully as possible.

The doctor smiled to herself at the knowledge of the most anticipated answer after examining the monitor closely. "Remember!" She held her forefinger up in reminder. "No jumping for you," she told Min Yu, who nodded hastily to get it over with. Her father sat on the edge of his seat, ready to jump up and down in joy -- even though no other gender would be said except whether the baby was a girl or a boy, and nothing in between.

Before the doctor could open , Leeteuk shouted in a voice that pierced everyone's eardrums. "IT'S A BOY!" He exclaimed and began running around the doctor's office in his excitement and obvious joy. The doctor laughed. "How did you know?" she asked, earning her a questioning glare from Min Yu. "It's a boy?" she interrogated more, and the doctor's nod was reassuring enough.

To contain her outburst of feelings, Min Yu could only bite on her forefinger to keep from screaming out loud, possibly startling the life out of the patients waiting outside. "Oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my freaking gosh I have to tell everyone about this!!" Leeteuk shouted breathlessly, his hands resting on his knees as he tried catching his breath. "I'll be the one to tell Donghae, okay?" Min Yu reminded.

When his breathing normalized, the man left the doctor's office and immediately fished for his phone to call everyone he knew. Meanwhile, the doctor had her smile slowly fading. Min Yu sniffled while looking down at her clammy hands resting on her lap. She had quite known this was coming, sooner or later. And it was best to know it now. "What exactly will happen?" she asked softly.

Dr. Jin ducked down and scanned through the stack of papers under her desk. "Have you had any serious accidents before?" asked the woman in the white lab coat. "I've had a few," Min Yu started, reminiscing in her head. "I've had a car accident when I was nearly fifteen. Been held hostage and tortured for a month in North Korea when I was twenty four. Got my wrists slashed at twenty five."

"Are..." The doctor cut herself off in disbelief before trying to speak again. "Are you serious? That changes everything," she muttered to herself loudly. "How does that change anything -- or everything, for that matter?" Min Yu asked curiously before the woman stood up and led her to stand on a weighing scale. She eyed the units of measurement closely and began scribbling something on her clipboard.

She compared her written data to that of a similar information taken seven months ago. "If I had known that before and if I had known you would deteriorate like this, I wouldn't have suggested you get pregnant at all," she eyed Min Yu meticulously as the girl, in turn, tried comprehending everything the doctor was telling her. "What do you mean?"

As a response, Dr. Jin set in a grim line, shoving a sheet of paper across the desk towards Min Yu. "It's up to you."

REQUIRED COMPONENTS FOR ABORTION CONSENT DOCUMENTATION

(1)        I hereby consent to an abortion.

(2)        At least eighteen (18) hours before the abortion the physician who is to perform the abortion, the referring physician or a physician assistant, an advanced practice nurse, or a midwife to whom the responsibility has been delegated by the physician who is to perform the abortion or the referring physician has orally informed me of the following:

(A) The name of the physician performing the abortion.

(B) The nature of the proposed procedure or treatment.

(C) The risks of and alternatives to the procedure or treatment.

(D) The probably gestational age of the fetus, including an offer to provide:

                        (i)         A picture or drawing of a fetus;

                        (ii)        The dimensions of a fetus; and

                        (iii)       Relevant information on the potential survival of an unborn fetus

(E) The medical risks associated with carrying the fetus to term.

(F) The availability of fetal ultrasound imaging and auscultation of fetal heart tone services to enable me to view the image and hear the heartbeat of the fetus and how to obtain access to these services.

(G) That before the abortion is performed, that I may, upon my request, view the fetal ultrasound imaging and hears the auscultation of the fetal heart tone if the fetal heart tone is audible.

(3)        At least eighteen (18) hours before the abortion, I was orally informed of the following:

(A) That medical assistance benefits may be available for prenatal care, childbirth, and neonatal care from the county office of family and children.

(B) That the father of the unborn fetus is legally required to assist in the support of the child.

(C) That adoption alternatives are available and that adoptive parents may legally pay the costs of prenatal care, childbirth, and neonatal care.

I certify that the above information was received by me at least eighteen (18) hours prior to the date and hour scheduled for my abortion. I fully understand the full nature and extent of this consent and I,     therefore, affix my name on this __________ day of _____________, 20____, at

Sejong General Hospital at _____________ am/pm.

_________________________________________

(Signature of Patient)

_________________________________________

(Printed Name of Patient)

_________________________________________

(Signature of Physician/Physician's Assistant! Advanced Practice Nurse/Midwife)

Min Yu cringed, and the doctor must have noticed it. "With technological and medical advances as of today, you won't have to worry about anything, actually...if that's the option you want to take. I'll have to warn you, though, that even if it's safe and assuring, it doesn't 100% guarantee that you'll be able to get pregnant again," she explained.

"But consider this: you are deteriorating. By deteriorating, I mean that your body mass index is not normal for a pregnant woman's, your platelet count is down, your bleeding episodes, your back pains, your night blindness, your past operations...your whole body is giving up! Admit it, Min Yu," the doctor tossed her clipboard to the ground. "You're not strong enough for this."

"I am," the girl countered defiantly. "You are not." Dr. Jin told her directly. "Donghae knows it so. And the fact that your baby is confirmed to be a boy doesn't make it any less difficult than it already is. Trust me. In a few weeks, when you're baby will start to move around and kick, you're going to suffer internal bleeding, body pains worse than what you're experiencing right now, or even miscarriage."

"I waited for him for so long. I won't kill him!" Min Yu told her. "If you don't abort him, it will cost you your own life," Dr. Jin stated calmly. The girl, as stubborn as she was, swallowed the lump in and wiped her tears away. "What's my other choice?" she asked, and with a surrendering sigh, the doctor handed her a different paper.

Do not sign this document without reading it. Do not sign it unless everything stated is true and correct. Sign it only before a person in authority of Sejong General Hospital. Your signature must also be notarized or witnessed by two persons who are not members of your immediate family. If you have any questions, talk with an attorney.

• This certifies that if ever there is a complication in the moment of the actual birth, the birth mother, whose name is stated above, has given her absolute consent to saving her child instead of herself.
• If you agree in saving the baby, complete this form, sign it, and return it to the Petitioner.

 (1)      I understand that by signing this Consent and Waiver of Rights that I am giving up all of my rights and responsibilities as parent of my child to an immediate family member present during the time of birth.

 (2)      With all of this, I am not consenting nor opening my child up for abortion, else if the immediate family member concerned will transfer his or her rights of custody to someone else.

Option 2. Birth mother’s signature witnessed by physician or a physician's assistant, an advanced practice nurse, or a midwife present.

"With that," the doctor started. "You are consenting for your baby to be chosen to be saved over you if the time comes that we have to choose. This way, Donghae and the rest of your family won't be burdened enough to decide for you because you have already decided the matter yourself." The woman slouched back in her seat, watching Min Yu's expression gravely.

The door opened, revealing the ever-joyous Leeteuk. "Min Yu, your mother wants to talk to you," he handed her the phone and got busy chatting away with the doctor. "Mom?" Min Yu cleared . "Congratulations! You don't know how envious I am of your baby boy. I've always wanted a boy!" Min Jae exclaimed loudly. Min Yu just smiled.

"Have you told Donghae about this? Oh I bet he'll be so happy about this. He'll finally have a little playmate! Take care of yourself more, okay?" Her mother stated in an obviously joyous tone. Min Yu only said yes to everything she said before handing the phone back to her father. "Hey, what's this?" he tried snatching the papers away. "Nothing. Just some vitamin prescriptions," she fabricated quickly without another glance at the knowing doctor.

Leeteuk looped his arm around hers like an . "We have to go now, Dr. Jung," he bade. "It's Jin," Min Yu whispered faintly to avoid embarrassment. "Oh, right. Sorry. But thank you again, Dr. Min." Jungsoo bowed a good way down to show his respect for the good doctor, who just smiled at his silliness. The father and daughter walked out the doctor's office and paid the fees to the receptionist.

Out into the streets, they walked slowly -- whether it was because of Leeteuk's age or Min Yu's condition, no one knows for sure. The snow reached up to their ankles as the wind blew from the west in that mid-November morning. She had always liked snow, the way it falls everywhere and the way it feels on her skin. She wondered if her baby would like -- or ever get to see, that is -- snow, just as much as she loved the season.

"Dad, I missed you," she blurted out all of a sudden, resting her head on his shoulder. "Eh~ you want to eat, don't you?" Jungsoo retorted playfully, his voice muffled by the thick scarf wound around his neck. When she didn't budge, he smiled to himself. "I missed you too. The house remained as peaceful as ever without you around," he teased. "How's Donghae? Is he treating you well?"

Min Yu nodded. "He's taking care of me very well," she added. "I know," Leeteuk commented. Moments of silence commenced, with them just walking with no particular destination in mind. But they kept walking nonetheless, although the man's car was parked just right outside the doctor's clinic. "Appa, I think you...I hope you...You were...What was it like when..." Min Yu stammered and slurred her words.

"What was it like when...?" Her father pressed her to continue. Min Yu shifted her attention to the passing vehicles along the highway. "What was it like when Donghae's father passed away?" she asked softly, knowing the matter was still as sensitive like it just happened yesterday. Leeteuk gulped. "It was hard. Everyone didn't know, and so it was so unexpected. We were all shocked. His father was a good man."

The girl chomped on her lower lip. "How was Donghae, then?" she prodded. "You know, the unusually and contagiously gloomy Donghae. It was depressed and lonely and angry at the same time, much like how he was when you had left. Actually, after you were gone, it was the second time he was like that," he continued.

--

Feeling somewhat fearful, Min Yu lifted her shirt up slowly, holding her breath until her whole stomach was revealed. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, tracing trails of each bulging vein that threatened to burst any minute, and cringing as her touch brushed against the tender bruises she didn't even know was there. The doctor was right, she thought.

Standing steadily in the middle of the bathroom, the girl felt a force from inside her. She stared at where the life was growing in her, and felt the baby kick. Min Yu smiled, a tear leaking out from one corner of her eye as her hand pressed on the side of her stomach, feeling another kick. And another followed. And she was crying out of happiness until she felt grow raspy that she had to cough.

Min Yu coughed, leaning over the sink with her elbows supporting her from the counter. She cleared and spat out blood, which were followed by a few more drops trickling down the corner of . Not letting her fear overcome her happiness, the girl wiped with the back of her hand and went back to clutching her stomach.

Her lips a pale color except for some traces of blood from her coughing fit, Min Yu smiled excitedly. "Omma..." she started bleakly, breaking out into tears, wondering if she would ever get to hear it coming from him.”Omma loves you very much, do you hear me?" she whispered calmly. "I'll take care of you very well, so cooperate with me, okay?"

She wiped away the drop of blood that fell from her lips to her bruised stomach. The baby kicked once more, and unable to contain her happiness to herself any longer, Min Yu fished for her phone, immediately dialing for Donghae's number. The girl walked out of the bathroom carefully and out of the bedroom. Descending the stairs with great difficulty, she winced while waiting for him to pick up.

Although she didn't want to disturb him -- not that he ever forbade her to call him, in fact, he encourages her to call him whenever she wants -- Min Yu simply wanted to tell him, hoping that perhaps his excitement will shake off all her fears, not that she would tell him what they are, exactly. "Yoboseyo?" an unfamiliar woman's voice answered her.

She examined her phone, wondering if she had dialed the wrong number. But it was Donghae's name blaring on her screen. Finally reaching the bottom of the stairs, she advanced directly to the couch, assuming she would faint any minute. She took a deep breath. "I-is Donghae there?" she asked softly, lips quivering with suspicion.

"Oh," the person who answered sounded surprised. "Donghae oppa’s sleeping right now," the woman stated as-a-matter-of-factly. Min Yu covered her phone's receiver as she tried her hardest not to let out even the slightest bit of whimper. "Is that so?" she uttered monotonously before gulping the lump in . "D-don't wake him up. He needs...he needs rest."

"Who's calling again?" the woman asked curiously.

Min Yu chewed on her fingernail. "Park...Park Min Yu."

There was a hint of smile in the woman's voice. "Okay. I'll just tell him you called--"

"No!" she cut her off quite loudly, startling the ahjumma preparing dinner in the kitchen. "Just don't tell him anything." And before the woman could say anything more, Min Yu hung up. With tears welling up, she chewed and chewed on her fingernail. "Everyone's going to be fine," she muttered to herself silently while rocking back and forth. "Everyone's going to be fine."

Donghae's POV

The loud yet muffled sobbing was all I could hear all the way from the front door. Taking off my shoes in a rush, I almost tripped on my own two feet in my haste while advancing towards the kitchen, where all the noise was coming from. Min Yu sat on a kitchen stool, her back facing towards me as she cried. I was about to approach and ask what's wrong, but the ahjumma standing in front of her shook her head at me microscopically.

And I was left to stand on the doorframe with nothing to do but listen. "What happened?" the elderly woman asked after Min Yu took a sip from the glass of water. She shook her head no, as stubborn as ever. Did something happen that I didn't know? But I know for sure that nothing is wrong with the baby, or else Leeteuk -- who volunteered to accompany her -- wouldn't have that bright smile on his face the whole day while at work.

"It's stupid," Min Yu blurted out thickly, her voice hoarse from crying. "Tell me," the ahjumma heaved her hand up and down her back in comfort. Min Yu ran a hand through the tangled tendrils of her hair while taking a deep breath. "I tried calling Donghae a while ago. I was just about to tell him something important. But a girl answered," she paused.

"And she said he was sleeping so...I mean, what am I supposed to think of that?" she told the ahjumma, who glanced my way occasionally. "But anyway, I told you it's stupid." Min Yu shrugged and stood up. She followed the ahjumma's gaze and found me standing by the doorframe as she spoke. Being the terrible liar she was, she wiped her tear-stricken face and smiled. "You're home."

I stepped back and out of the kitchen as she exited, walking straight out of my way. Min Yu advanced to the dining table, setting plates and glasses and pitchers. "You must be hungry," she wore a forced smile. "Ahjumma especially made this dinner for you." She gestured to the table before pulling a chair backwards and inviting me to eat.

"Let's talk, Min Yu. I'll explain," I started, slowly walking towards her. "I understand, Donghae," she tried convincing. "I understand everything perfectly. Just sit down and eat dinner, please?" She seemed unsteady. "Min Yu--" "No! No, don't say anything. You don't have to explain, because I understand you, Donghae--" "You don't!" I fought back.

Min Yu looked up, her eyes gleaming. "I do," she nodded, as if she was also trying to convince her own self. "I understand you. I do, believe me." The girl walked back to the kitchen while carrying her unused plate to return to the cupboard. "Listen to me, Min Yu," I pleaded, hoping for once, she'll try and listen to me. "I don't have to, Donghae. I understand--"

"YOU DON'T!" I shouted, my voice followed by the loud shattering of the ceramic plate next to her feet on the floor. She had her back towards me, but she came to a halt in her tracks. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" I pulled at my hair in agitation. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME! You say you do, but YOU DON'T! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME, JUST LIKE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!"

She sniffled, but I could never take my words back, even if they weren't meant to be spoken, even if they weren't meant at all. "I'm...I'm sorry," I tried approaching her, realizing what just slipped out of my mouth and trying to minimize the damage I had done. "I didn't mean to...I-I didn't mean it. I mean...I shouldn't have--I'm sorry," I stated apologetically.

Min Yu let out gasps before turning around. She held her breath as she spun on her heels to face me. It was clear how she struggles to hold it in. "I know," she stared at me with red rimmed eyes. "I know." She held onto my forearm before her grip loosened. "I'm sorry. I didn't really mean to--" "I'm fine, Donghae," said while walking away without turning back. "I'll just go...sleep."

I followed her out the kitchen, watching as she felt her way towards the stairs. It was already dark. "Let me help you up," I offered, feeling guilty. Her blank eyes indicated her sense of sight being gone for the night and will be back tomorrow morning. "It's fine." Her hand reached out in the empty air until she gripped the railing for support. "I can take care of myself, Donghae."

--

"Burden! Burden!" I heard her grumble from inside the bedroom. "You're a burden to everyone," she muttered to herself angrily. I peeked through a crack in the door, checking to see how bad the state I had sent her in is. And there she was, sitting on the floor and looking out the window as she hit her head repeatedly with her fist. "You never did anything good."

She sent a sound hit towards her face. "Blind and stupid. Blind and useless. Never..." Her hands gained strength and speed while repeatedly sending punches to her own face. "Never even been a good wife. Stupid, stupid!" Min Yu, not even contented with her self-torture, smacked her head against the glass window. "A burden to everybody."

"It's you and your blindness," she grumbled furiously while I crept to where she was sitting. "Can't even see anything. Stupid and useless," she cursed to herself, slapping her own cheeks harshly. "You never did anything good!" She was about to hit her head with her balled up fist but I held her wrist in midair, preventing her to do so while shushing her.

"Sssh, you did nothing wrong," I comforted, placing my legs on either side of her as I sat behind, pressing her back against my chest. "I'm sorry I'm blind," Min Yu sobbed. "Sorry I can't see anything. Sorry I'm such a burden to you. Sorry I bleed. Sorry I can't walk by myself. Sorry I'm weak--" "Ssshh." I encircled my arms around her stomach and rocked us back and forth to calm her down.

When she finally stopped cursing at herself and her crying toned down a little, I spoke. "The woman who answered my phone was the makeup artist. That time, I was asleep in the dressing room and I left my phone on the table. She must have answered it. But she didn't mean anything wrong. She knows that I'm married, but she just didn't know who you are," I explained clearly. "I would never cheat on you, okay?"

"Sorry, I misunderstood--" "I should be the one saying sorry, okay?" I interrupted her. "I shouldn't have shouted at you like that. And I shouldn't have told you things I didn't mean nor wanted to say," I apologized sincerely. I kissed the top of her head while forcing her to look at me. "Now what was it that you wanted to tell me?"

There was already a hint of smile in her voice as soon as she opened . "Dr. Jin told me that our baby is a boy," Min Yu announced excitedly. "Jinjja?" I leaned forward to see if her expression was honest. "Really?" I asked again, to which she just nodded. My grip around her tightened as I buried my face on her shoulder. "Our baby is a boy~"

"Oh!" She exclaimed. "And he started kicking a while ago, seems like you'll have someone to play soccer with," she reached up and caressed my cheek gently. I shrieked crazily against her shoulder. My hands dipped down to feel for her stomach. "Thank you for everything. You make me so happy," I whispered near her ear. "I'm happy when you're happy." She kissed me lightly.

-Disclaimer: I am NOT, in any way, putting Sejong General Hospital in a bad name, nor am in connection to the said institution. I just used the hospital name for the sake of the story. The abortion paper and consent forms were taken from here and here. But some informations were changed also for the sake of the story.