Daydream - Super Junior

Narrator's POV

He smiled lovingly at those who bothered to greet him, unknowingly picking at the scabs of his still not healing heart. But he smiled anyway, and closed his bedroom door shut afterwards. Trudging to his bed, Donghae sank down and laid back. As he tried muffling the happy birthday song his friends had just sang a while ago that was still stuck in his head, he can't help but feel something's missing. And he's perfectly aware of what it is. Perhaps even who it is.

Because this wasn't a story with good grades and perfect attendance and glass shoes and leisure bike rides and people who say good things behind your back. It was a story about reality, wherein teenaged-girls can get and people pretend they have terminal cancer and people leave and birthdays were not always happy.

He reached out far under his mattress, his hand silently searching for the gadget he has longed left forgotten. Finally fidgeting for his phone, Donghae took a deep breath before unlocking the screen. She was pretty with that smile, the smile that so rarely flashes across her lips in such an antagonizing way -- now that he remembered it.

The man wasn't functioning as well as he did before, but at least Donghae wasn't locked up in the comforts of his room, wallowing in misery and what-if's. It was a free-for-all thing, the time he should have been celebrating at his newfound freedom. But it was the second longest time he had ever cried, next to losing his father. They said men only cry for three times, and Donghae still had one more.

Scrolling to the same set of digits he hasn't dialed in a long time, Donghae in a quick breath, wondering if he could man up just for today and decide on what he's going to do. Min Yu's face graced his screen before he pressed the phone next to his ear. For the next thirty seconds, he rested more comfortably and wondered if she would answer the call, granting his birthday wish.

"Donghae?" Her voice was like the tune of one fine spring day, refreshing and beautiful as she was. The girl shielded her eyes from the fan's camera as it came too close and breached her personal space. The fan girls giggled but inched away quickly, but they kept recording over the hustle and bustle of the restaurant they had caught her in.

He twisted and the bed incessantly, his free hand clutching handfuls of his shirt. Waiting was the hardest part, but Donghae didn't expect as much, but if she answered, it will be the third reason for the man to cry. Then came the rude beep, the ever-reminder that he was still grievously guilty of a crime he didn't know if he will ever be forgiven.

Donghae didn't mind the least that he was apologizing and confessing to the network's voicemail for almost two months, but he knew she was listening. Hopefully. And it's faith. He never got tired of telling Min Yu everything he was supposed to tell her when she was still there by his side and someday, he knows she will hear everything. And it's hope.

How did he manage to go through the days and weeks with the same burden? He also didn't know. It's sad how people only realize what they have after they lose it, because you can't want what you have. People only want what they don't have, and the system is pretty messed up. Needless to say, Donghae realized things too late.

"Park Min Yu," he started after clearing his throat. The man focused his gaze on a blind spot at the blank wall and tried his best not to tear up. "Ya, aren't you even going to greet me and sing me one of that song you sang to me last year?" He rubbed his red-rimmed eyes. "You'll probably forget about everything I'll always remember."

The Super Junior member covered the receiver with his fingers before letting out violent sobs he has kept in for so long. His wrists dried his bitter tears away. It was a silent suffering, and he knew he was only doing it to himself. It was his entire fault, but Min Yu wasn't blaming anyone. For the record, she was even blaming herself.

"Hmmm..." The girl took a sip from her steaming cup of espresso. "I don't know him that well," she shrugged jokingly. The rest of the fans whined in complaint. "Well, what do you want to know? I'm not a talkative person," Min Yu declared, earning him a snort from Kyuhyun, who happened to tend to the nearby table. "Ya, go back to work!" ordered the girl.

"How have you been lately?" He swallowed the lump in his throat. "What are you doing right now? Have you had your dinner already? Where in the world are you?" Donghae added desperately. He grasped a nearby pillow and pressed it close to his chest, somehow trying to uplift his mood with a makeshift girlfriend.

Of all the things he missed, it was her presence he dearly yearned for. Min Yu need not say anything. She could make him laugh and understand without saying anything. By then his fingers would have already tread its way through the coarse strands of her hair. She was beautiful and she didn't have to try, yet he wondered how she manages to have a seemingly low self esteem.

"I miss you." He had read and reread and reread and reread her diary from cover to cover like the book of his religion. On each page was a story, and he had seen different episodes of life from her perspective, from her own point of view. He sobbed on the page where she had cried and smiled at the pages where she had drawn clumsy hearts.

Warm, salty water trickled down his cheeks, like the silent dripping of a leaking faucet. "Very much," he muttered faintly before letting the tremors of his shoulders overtake his whole being. It was one of the worst days to be alive and breathing, for him, that is. But he mourned nonetheless. Even the once luckiest people wallow in misfortunes sometimes.

But breathing heavily against telephones and doing nothing aren't definitions of love. And you also said you didn't need her anymore, Donghae scolded himself, and you only have yourself to blame. She wasn't a tornado or a wave that just happened to pass by, and he solely pointed his finger towards his own chest.

"What's he like in real life?" asked one courageous fan girl. All the others nodded in agreement and attentively listened for her response. "Donghae behind the cameras? Hmmm," Min Yu slouched back on her chair. "I don't think he looks any different from way back when he became my roommate." Smiling to herself, she added, "And his face isn't something one can easily get tired of."

"Please tell me where you are," pleaded Donghae. "I can't take it not seeing you around and sleeping on my bed and wearing my clothes and bugging the others out. I'm sorry for everything, and I know I've treated you so differently. I'm tired of just talking and talking and not hearing your voice. Please come here and take me with you."

"I never told you what I should have said," he confessed truthfully, his voice slowly choked up by his crying. "And I told your parents what happened," Donghae stated as-a-matter-of-factly. "They haven't killed me yet, so...so I'd still be waiting for when you come back." The man tried amusing himself with the words he says. "It's my birthday, in case you've forgotten."

He closed his tired eyes and a sly tear escaped from the corner, falling until it reached the pillow, leaving a spot on the cloth. "Remember that song you sang to me last year?" he muttered sadly. "I miss the sound of your voice. I want to talk to you again, and I promise I won't make any of my childish jokes that only irritate you more than it can make you laugh."

"I know I screwed up, I messed up everything. But please don't leave me," sobbed Donghae once more, not the least bit embarrassed to be a grown man lying on his bed and crying over the phone to a voicemail. "Don't go to where I can't see you. Don't leave. Just don't." The man whimpered like a child without his candy.

"Remember what you told me that night on your birthday?" he asked. "Yeah, the one I forgot," Donghae added. "That's what I ask for, too. Stay with me tonight, please. Even for just tonight. You won't have to forgive me or say that you love me back. I won't ask for that much. You just have to lay right next to me and let me hold you until I fall asleep. By then, you can break your promise. You can break up with me if that's what you want."

The girls squealed, though handfuls of them were older than Min Yu herself. She kept a straight face. "Do you love him that much? I swear, when you get to know him better, he's not really THAT lovable," said Min Yu jokingly. "Then why did you stick with him?" another interrogated. Min Yu ran a hand through her disheveled hair. "To be honest, I don't know why."

And Donghae cried soundly once again, the emotions flowing freely out of him. "But I want you back, Min Yu," he admitted in utter anguish. "And I'm sorry," he stood up, pacing around his room like a madman. Well, he really was. "I'm sorry for pushing you away and acting like it's as simple as walking out the door a-and for acting like I knew everything, like I could do everything."

"I'm sorry for treating you so badly." Donghae fell back down on his knees by the floor. "Why did I treat you that way?" he smacked his forehead with his hot palm. "A-and I've read everything you wanted me to know. And I'm sorry I caused you problems. And I'm sorry I made you feel unwanted that you just wanted to end everything."

"I want you back." Donghae lied flat on his back on the cold ground. "There's a separate side on my bed and a vacant space in my closet and a darned blank empty space where you should be. I don't want to see you sometime after and you just walk right past me like you don't recognize me. Like you don't know me. Like we never even met."

"I'm so miserable, but I know it's just half of everything I made you go through. Just come back and I'll let you call me stupid for all your life. I won't get mad if you unexpectedly come during my rehearsals. I won't forget dinners or act like the world would be a much better place if you weren't there. But if you don't feel the same way anymore..." He fought the urge to sob a little louder. "I guess it'll be okay. I hope so."

"Maybe you'll find someone else, and I won't blame you. I've had my chance and I tossed it away. And maybe I'll even be happy for you. I guess I will be. Maybe I'll find someone else too, but of course she'll never be like you. And I know leaving had been hard for you. And I know my not running after you was even worse. But I love you. That I'm sure of."

Min Yu glanced quickly to where Donghae was, busily taking orders while donning the white apron. She smiled. "I've been the hasty and the you-get-what-you-get kind of person. And I don't hate myself, but I don't love myself either. Compulsive, skin-picking kind of thing." She shrugged and bit her lower lip. "But he told me a stupid joke." The girl can't help but smile to herself. "I think it's Donghae who's stupid -- not the joke." And the fans gathered around her laughed as well. "And I love that babo."

~Short -_- I know. I'll have another update soon. Please leave comments :)