She’s gone… I feel like I am gone too. I can’t help but wonder if I am the reason that Bora suddenly left for the army. I feel like she still hates me. That feeling of pain still sits in my chest every time I think about her walking out that door. Her gone… I don’t know when I will see her again. Things are starting to calm down. Jiyong hasn’t shown up at all. I don’t even think he knows that I am back home now. I was sitting down on the couch with my legs crossed. I was staring off into space. Then my mother came over with a book wedge between her arm and side and a cup in each hand.
 

I looked over at her as she came and sat down next to me. She let the book slid from between her arm and side as she placed the two cups down on the table. “I got us some hot chocolate.” She smiled. I smiled back and stayed silent. She noticed and quickly picked up the book. “These… are some pictures I have been collecting…” She opened the book up to the first page. “Since you kids were little.” She said softly. I looked over at the page. There was 2 pictures on there, one of Bora as a baby and my mom holding her with my dad next to my mom. The second picture was me as a baby and just my mom holding me.
 

She turned the page and then there pictures of us just a little bit older. My sister was 6 in this picture and I was barely a year old. She was standing next to me as I sat on the floor with a bowl of cheerios tipped over. I was in the process of stuffing cheerios in my mouth when the picture was taking. The picture below that was in the same day, Bora was holding me this time as she sat on the couch. She was smiling and I was blowing spit bubbles.
 

I smiled a little more when I saw these pictures. I was just staring at the page and finally broke out of the spell when my mom turned the page. She brought her hand up to her face to cover . She laughed a bit. In the picture Bora was dressing me up in my moms accessories. I had a huge hat on and also a pearl necklace. The picture next to that one was taken as Bora was putting blush on me. My mom turned the page and the next few pictures looked like I was about 3 maybe, possibly 4.
 

“This was your fourth birthday.” My mom said softly as she pointed to the picture. I was sitting in my moms lap in the first picture. The second picture was me, my mom and dad and then Bora. “This was the birthday when your dad was moving the table and knocked the cake on the floor. Poor you happened to be sitting in the spot the cake fell.” My mom laughed. “You had cake all over you.” She turned the page to show the picture of me covered in the cake. Then another picture below was of bora sticking the number 4 candle on my head. She turned another page and then another and then a couple of more pages.
 

I was smiling in all of them. Then I noticed… My smile got smaller and smaller and smaller. Until I was no longer able to smile. It started after Youngbae came into our lives. I was probably around 10 and Bora was 15. She met him while she was in high school. One of the pictures my mom was pointing to was of just Youngbae and I. He was hugging me. The next page had a picture missing. You can tell a picture was there. But the description on the little paper underneath said ‘Daesung, Bora & Youngbae’ On the page next to that It was of the whole family. I wasn’t smiling. The missing picture was probably the one that I went crazy for.
 

“I wish I knew what happened to that picture.” My mom sighed. “I really liked that one. Your smile was the strongest in it.” She smiled. “It was my favorite picture of you guys.”
 

I just sat there and looked at my mom. I took a deep breath and picked up my cup. I brought it to my face and took a sip from it. My mom had turned the page already and it was just more pictures of me not smiling. There were pictures of me at the last birthday I had. Min and I kissing. Me and the others. The pictures after that… Seemed gloomy. I wasn’t in any of them. These must have been taking after I left. I looked over at my mom as she stared at the pictures and slowly turned the pages. When she reached the ending of the photobook She closed it and placed it beside her.
 

I placed my cup back on the table and my mom took my hand in hers. “I love you so much Daesung.” She said softly looking in my eyes. “Please don’t leave us like that again.” She started tearing up.
 

I nodded. “I promise eomma.” I said softly. A moment later there was a knock on the door. I slowly stood up and walked away from my mom. I opened the door and saw Seunghyun standing there. “Hyung? What are you doing here?”
 

“We’re going out… Shopping… to the mall.” Seunghyun smiled.
 

“I…” I shook my head and sighed. “I’m sorry… I don’t feel like going anywhere.”
 

Seunghyun stood there and crossed his arms. “Stop being a baby… Bom and I wanna buy you some new clothes. So get your in the car.”
 

I shook my head again. “No.”
 

Seunghyun eyed me and pushed his way into the house. He turned and saw my mom. “Hello Eomma… Can I borrow Daesung for the day? I promise to bring him right back.”
 

“You’re not driving are you?” She asked.
 

Seunghyun just looked at her shocked. I started laughing. He looked at me with his glare and I stopped. He took a deep breath and looked back at my mom. “Aniyo… Bom is driving.” He faked a smile.
 

My mom eyed him “Okay… You can take him, but bring my baby back okay?” My mom quickly said.
 

“Of course Mrs. Kang! I will!” Seunghyun turned around and smiled evilly at me. I looked a bit frightened as he walked over and dragged me out of the house and over to the car. I got into the car and buckled up. As soon as Seunghyun got into the car, Bom drove off.

“Are you guys really taking me to the mall?” I asked.

“You don’t believe us?” Seunghyun asked from the front seat.

“It’s not you.. It’s…” I bit my lips. “Okay… It’s totally you.”

Seunghyun frowned and Bom laughed. “Daesung, we are bringing you to the mall. Since you’re back out of hiding, we thought you deserved a new wardrobe…” She turned a corner. “So Seunghyun and I thought that we would buy you some clothing and maybe take you out to eat?” She looked at me through the rearview mirror. “We thought you deserved it.”

I looked at her and sighed. “So no funny games?” I asked.

“Yes.” Seunghyun quickly responded. Bom punched his arm as she drove. “OW! I mean no!” Seunghyun yelled. “Damn woman! You ruin the fun!”

Bom slammed on her breaks which cause the cars behind her to swerve around and honk. She looked at Seunghyun. “Don’t you dare yell at me.” She muttered.

Seunghyun looked at her frightened. “Yes ma’am.” He said softly. Bom eyed him before pressing down on the gas slowly.

I shook my head and looked out the window. I took a deep breath and held it in for a few moments before letting it out. I started closing my eyes and dozing off. My head bounced when Bom went over bumps in the road. My head would tap on the window and my eyes would open. They wouldn’t stay open because I started dozing off again. I was dreaming a few minutes after that. Dreams from the days and weeks before I went into hiding. Dreams of after the funeral and how I got the scar on my neck. Then when Jiyong found me again. It felt like a nightmare when he showed up in my dreams.

He came up to me, I tried walking away but my body wasn’t moving. He moved his hand up to caress my cheek. I felt a tear fall down from my eye and him smiling. I blinked and kept my eyes closed for a second before re-opening them to find Jiyong pointing a gun at my head. He kept smiling and then he… pulled the trigger.

My eyes opened wide and I looked around. Bom was just parking the car at the mall when I woke up. I was breathing heavily and placed my hand on my chest. I calmed myself down and unbuckled myself. Seunghyun and Bom got out of the car, bickering about something. They started walking off without me. I watched them walk up to the malls entrance and then go inside.

“All I am saying Bom is that you can be a real sometimes.” Seunghyun muttered reaching for her hand.

Bom pulled away. “Did you just call me… Ugh! You are so rude!” She yelled.

“I am not… I’m just being honest… I still love you.” Seunghyun followed her.

“You jack .” Bom muttered walking away. People around were watching.

“I am not a jack .. Daesun tell her…” He looked around but didn’t see me. “Daesung? Where are you?” Bom kept walking away. Seunghyun looked in Bom’s direction. “Bommieeeee hold up!” Seunghyun ran to catch up with Bom.

“Leave me alone jerk.” She muttered.

“No just… Bom Daesung isn’t with us.” He quickly said.

She continued to walk. “Haha very funny… What did you do… Scare him off too.” She muttered.

Seunghyun grabbed Bom’s wrist to make her stop walking. “Listen to me. Look… Do you see Daesung… No…” Seunghyun muttered.

Bom looked around. “Then where is he?” She asked.

Seunghyun shrugged. “I don’t know… Last time I saw him was in the… Damn… We left him in the car….” Seunghyun threw his hands in the air. “We are horrible parents…” He turned and quickly walked back to the car, Bom followed.

I couldn’t open the door because child lock somehow got activated. I looked out and saw Seunghyun running over with Bom following. She unlocked the car and Seunghyun opened the door.

“Daesung! Oh my god! We are so sorry! It was her fault…” Seunghyun said pointing to Bom.

“My fault!?” Bom yelled and smacked the back of Seunghyun’s head.

I laughed. “It’s fine.”

“Dae… Do not tell your mom about this.” Seunghyun then quickly said.

“Okay.” I muttered and got out of the car.

“I need to get you a leash.” Seunghyun said as he closed the door.

I looked at him and so did Bom. “What the hell Seunghyun… He doesn’t need a leash…”

“What I don’t want to lose him.” Seunghyun looked at Bom.

“Then just hold his hand or something.” She suggested.

I walked behind them and sighed. “Fine! I will!” Seunghyun yelled and turned to me. I stopped walking and looked at him. He grabbed my hand.

“Uh hyung… Please let go.” I said trying to pull my hand from his grasp.

“Be quiet Daesung… I’m sure you like holding another guys hand… Just imagine it to be Youngbae’s hand…” Seunghyun turning around to walk away.

I moved my feet to walk with him I was looking in the different stores as we walked by. When we turned down one of the hallways I saw the photobooth. I stopped walking and Seunghyun almost fell back. He turned around.

“What?” He said looking at me. “Why did you stop walking?”

I looked at him and then pointed at the photobooth with my free hand. “Photobooth.” I said softly.

Seunghyun looked over and then nodded. “Okay…” He looked at Bom. “We have to take a picture.”

“What? Why?” Bom asked.

“Because it’s like a tradition with us.” Seunghyun sighed. “Everytime we come to the mall we have to come to the photo booth and take a picture.” Bom just looked at him. “Remember the shoeboxes we got from Daesung’s room that one day?”

“Yes?” Bom nods.

“It’s filled with the photobooth pictures.” Seunghyun said softly. “Come on… Let’s do this for him okay?”

Bom smiled a little bit and looked at Daesung. “Lets go take pictures, neh.” Bom smiled a little more.

I smiled and pulled away from Seunghyun’s hand and hurried to the photobooth. I got in and sat in the middle. Bom entered and sat on the right side of me. Seunghyun got in on the other side and sat on the left side of me. “Okay… So let’s do this.” Seunghyun pressing button.

“Yah! Stop! I need to put the money in!” Bom reached over to slap Seunghyun’s hand.

“Hey stop hitting me!” He yelled back.

Bom made a face as she put in the bills. “Yah, now you can press the buttons.

“I’ll press them whenever I want to press them.” Seunghyun said under his breath. He pressed the button and it started the countdown for the first picture.

“Omo!” She hit my arm “Quick pose!” She laughed. We all did peace signs. It started counting down for a second picture. “Another pose!” She yelled and she made a cute face, Seunghyun did Aegyo and I just smiled. The countdown for a third picture started. “How many are there!” Bom yelled.

“There are four!” Seunghyun yelled “Quick just pose!”

“Yahhhh!” Bom started freaking out.

“Kiss Daesung’s cheek! Quick!” Seunghyun yelled.

“Wait what?” I looked at him.

Seunghyun grabbed my face and made me look at the camer. He pressed his lips against my cheek and Bom did the same thing on my other cheek. The Camera flashed and then the final countdown started.

“Last one???” Bom quickly asked.

“Yes stupid” Seunghyun muttered.

“Shut up!” Bom yelled.

“Can we just smile for this one?” I asked. “Just something simple.” They both nodded and we looked at the camera and smiled. The camera flashed and then we got out.

“That was fun.” Bom smiled as she bent down waiting for the pictures to print out.

“Mhm.” Seunghyun said looking through his phone. The pictures printed out and Bom picked them up.

“Yahhhh! They came out pretty!” Bom smiled at them. I stood next to Bom and looked at them. “Seunghyun look at them.” She nudged him in the side.

“What?” He looked over at the pictures as he rubbed his side.

“Aren’t they pretty?” She smiled.

“Neh.” Seunghyun responded.

Bom looked at Seunghyun and then at me. “Here. You can hold onto them for now.”

I looked at the pictures and then at her. “You sure? I don’t wanna lose them. I mean, you have a purse. Can you hold them for now?” I asked.

Bom sighed and nodded. “Sure.” She placed them in her purse. Seunghyun grabbed her arm and pulled her away. “Hey, what are you doing?” She quickly asked. I followed them.

“I thought I saw somebody.” Seunghyun quickly said as he turned a corner. The person was gone.

“Who did you see?” Bom asked. I turned around to look in the window of the store.

Seunghyun looked at me and then at Bom. He made a face, hoping he wouldn’t have to say the name.