[Daesung’s POV]

I sat in the car on the way to my parents house… my old house. I took a deep breath as we passed familiar places. I was quiet the whole ride, as Bom and Seunghyun were chatting it up in the front seat.

“Are you lost?” Bom asked looking at Seunghyun who was driving.

“No… I know how to get to their house.” He muttered.

“You should have turned left back there!” She pointed.

“Well maybe I wanted to go this way!” He argued.

“The other way is quicker!” Bom yelled.

“MAYBE I WANTED TO TAKE THE LONGER WAY AND ENJOY THE SCENERY!” Seunghyun yelled back.

“What scenery idiot! It’s all snow!” Bom looked at him and made a face.

“Don’t give me that face.” He looked at her as he stopped at the stop light.

“Well don’t yell at me.” She crossed her arms.

“Do you want to drive?” He asked her.

“Yes I would love to” Bom looked away.

He ignored her answer and started driving again.

I moved my gaze from them to looking back out the window. The snow was falling down mildly. My mind went back to how I was going to tell them I was alive. It’s been… what… 8 months? I feel like they won’t even care.

I leaned my head against the window and closed my eyes. Before I knew it we were at the house. I felt the car stop and then turn off. A door opened and I heard voices. Seunghyun’s or Bom’s maybe?

“Daesung? Wake up… we’re here.” A soft voice chimed as I felt a hand on my arm.

I opened my eyes and looked up. It was Bom. “We’re here?” I said with my tired voice… Actually it was more like a scared voice.

She nodded and got out of the car. I placed on my black beanie and glasses before getting out of the car. The snow started to collect on my jacket and hat. We all hurried to the front door.

I took a deep breath as Seunghyun started knocking.

INSIDE THE HOUSE

“Wahhhh! Thank you for the shirt!” Seungri smiled as he held it up.

“It looks great!” CL smiled.

“Nehhh!” Minzy chimed in.

“Okay okay your turn!” Bora said looking at my mom.

My mom looked at the present in her hand and sighed. She was about to say something, but someone knocked on the front door.

“I’ll get it.” My dad said getting up. He walked over to the door and opened it. “Merry Christmas!” He smiled as we walked in. Bom smiled as my dad gave her a kiss on the cheek. He gave Seunghyun a handshake. They both walked into the living room where everyone smiled.

“Merry Christmas!” They all started to talk.

I froze at the front door. My turned around and saw me. He smiled. “Daehyun right.” He smiled.

I was dazing off into space until he said my name… my alias name again. I shook my head and looked at him. “Neh.” I nodded.

My dad smiled at me and motioned for me to come inside. “Come. I’m sure we can find something for you to open.” He laughed. I smiled and bowed slightly. I slowly walked in.

My heart started to beat faster. It skipped a beats beats because it was moving too fast. I took a deep breath and walked into the living room. Everyone looked at me and were silent. It felt like everything was in slow motion.

I bowed without even knowing. “Annyeonghaseyo.” I said softly.

My mom looked at me and smiled. “Your voice… It just sounds like him.” She started to cry.

I looked at Seunghyun who looked at me. I looked at her and bowed again. “I’m sorry… maybe I shouldn’t be here.” I said softly.

Seunghyun stood up when I said that. I guess as a warning that I better not leave. I looked at him and then at Seungri and CL and Minzy and Dara. Then I saw Min and Bora and then… Youngbae. They all looked at me. Even my mom and dad.

“Please… Sit down with us.” My mom smiled. She was drying her tears. I slowly walked over to her and sat down next to her. She placed a hand on my lap and smiled. “We’re glad you’re here with us.”

I smiled slightly.

“Ah! I think we actually have a present for Daehyun!” Bora said standing up. She walked to the tree and rummaged through the unopened presents. She pulled out a box and stood up. She walked over to me and handed me the box.

I smiled and took the box. I just sat there and looked at it. I slowly opened it and pulled out a designers jacket.

“I remember you told us that your uncle or whoever had a fashion show back in April… So we thought you really liked fashion.” Bora smiled.

I smiled and bowed my head. “Thank you.”

“I think that’s all the presents.” Youngbae said looking underneath the tree. “Besides the ones for Daesung.”

“Yeah. We were going to put those at his grave.” Bora chimed in.

My mom started crying again. She had opened her present and it was a picture of me and her. I looked over and saw it. I then looked at my mom.

I could see the hurt in her. I looked around the room and I could see the hurt in everyone. My gaze caught with Seunghyun’s and Bom’s. I quickly looked away at my mom who was now being comforted by my dad.

I closed my eyes and slowly breathed in. I stood up and quickly walked towards the stairs and went up to the second floor.

“Daehyun...” Seunghyun stood up but Bom grabbed his arm. He looked back at her and she shook her head.

“He’ll do it when he’s ready.” She whispered. “He has all of today.”

“Can’t you see this?? Look at his mother.” He whispered back pointing to my mom.

Bom shook her head and looked away. Seunghyun sighed.

As I walked up the stairs I saw images appear before me… From the time I fell down the stairs, When I was a kid running around, after the funeral coming to get the pictures. I made it to my room and placed a hand on the door. I imagined my room the way it was. I saw the image of when Jiyong was taking advantage of me on my bed and when Bora walked in. I walked in more and saw when Youngbae woke me up that one morning… Before I fell down the stairs. I looked around and saw everything the same.

I turned around and saw the image of Jiyong, he was smirking. I quickly turned around and saw nothing. My room was empty. It was bare. I just stood there in the middle of the room. I walked to the window and looked out. I watched the snow. I stood there for a while before closing my eyes.

DOWNSTAIRS

They were cleaning up the living room. My dad had just finished comforting my mom. He walked back to the kitchen to finish cooking.

“Let’s tell some funny stories you guys.” Mina said smiling.

“About Daesung?” Seungri asked.

“Sure, why not.” Bora smiled. “Let’s see I’ll start… Hmmm” Bora started to think. “I remember when we were kids… and Daesung was sent to bed by our dad. About five minutes later Daesung calls out ‘Da-ad...’ and then dad responds with ‘what’ Daesung rolls around in his bed and says ‘I’m thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?’ and then dad says..” Bora starts laughing. “Dad says, ‘No, you had your chance. Lights out.’ Daesung was so stubborn I tell you because five minutes later he says ‘Da-aaaaaad…’” Bora mimics a childs voice. “Our dad was angry and he yells ‘WHAT’” Everyone starts laughing.

I opened my eyes when I heard them laughing and looked towards the door.

“Daesung says, ‘I’m THIRSTY! Can I have a drink of water??’ our dad quickly says ‘I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!’” Bora points and mimics being their dad. “Daesung was so persistent and about another five minutes later he says ‘Daaaaaa-aaaadddd!’ Let me tell you our dad was beyond mad. It was hilarious. He quickly yells ‘WHAT’ and then Daesung being the funny kid that he is responds with ‘When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water.’” Everyone starts to laugh in the room.

I walk towards the door and stand in the doorway.

“I’ve got one.” Our dad says walking over with some drinks. He places them down on the coffee table. “So when Daesung was about 7 or 8, it was thundering and lightening really bad outside.” He starts off and sits down on the couch next to my mom. “Daesung’s mother was tucking him in and Daesung asks her if he could sleep with her tonight. She smiles at him and says ‘I can’t dear, I have to sleep in daddy’s room.’ It was silent for a second she said before he says ‘The big sissy.’” He laughs a little bit before everyone else laughs.

“That was great… I remember… This actually is a funny and happy story.” Seungri said looking at the ground. “We were celebrating Daesung’s birthday at the warehouse. It was…” Seungri looked up at the ceiling. “Who was there… Me, Daesung… of course… Umm… Mina and Seunghyun. We surprised him with a party and fireworks and dancing. He just loved it.” Seungri said softly looking at them.

My mom smiled at them all. I slowly walked down the hallway. When I reached the top of the stairs I looked down… I saw the image of me, Bora and Youngbae. The last time I talked to them… Before they thought I was killed. I could hear her voice and then my voice arguing with her. Then I left with Seunghyun. I felt a tear fall down my cheek. 

Bora looked at them all and then at the ground. "I remember the last time that I ever saw him... We argued." Tears started to fall down Bora's cheek. "And now he's gone! It's my fault he's dead." Bora covered her face.

I slowly and quietly walked down the stairs. Trying to not cry, my legs felt like crumbling beneath me. So I held onto the wall for support.

“It's no ones fault. He's an angel now.” My mom smiled trying to not cry. "It's something that we couldn't control. God wanted him home..." She took a deep breath, her voice becoming shaky. "Back to him..." A tear fell down her cheek. “I just wish that... For today... He was here to celebrate Christmas with us.”

“But I am…” I said softly, my cheeks were wet from the tears.