[Daesung’s POV]

I stood there… As the snow fell around us. The tears were forming in my eyes… Soon there was no room for them to gather so they had to fall. They slid down my cheeks and dripped off my face and onto the snow.

Youngbae kept his hand on my chin as he slowly parted from my lips. He didn’t say anything for a moment, I still looked like I was in shock. “This… is what I mean.” He said softly. I just looked at him and took a step back. He held onto my arm.

I looked at his hand and tugged my arm back from me. “No… So… this whole time.” I guess I couldn’t find the right words to word this.

“Daesung..” Youngbae said softly. “I…”

“No! My whole life… I was in love with you… I thought you were in love with my sister… So…” I bit my lips and looked at the ground. “So I never…”

“I’ve tried so many times to tell you.” Youngbae took a step towards me. “Believe me… I have… I thought Bora was the one…” He looked at the ground.

“But you proposed to her…” I muttered looking up at him.

“Because I thought you had a girlfriend… I didn’t want to mess that up!” Youngbae quickly looked my way.

“If you actually loved me… You would have known that it was fake.” I said under my breath.

“Yeah… and if you actually loved me… you would have known my feelings for you were real.. You would have told me this sooner…” Youngbae looked to the side. The snow started to fall faster.

I wonder why known of the others followed us out yet. I looked at the ground again.

“I don’t know what to say anymore..” I said softly. I looked up at him but then quickly looked past him.

“If you actually loved me Daesung you wouldn’t have done this whole charade of yours…” He muttered.

My eyes focused on him. “I did this because of you… Because of Bora… Because my life … I couldn’t stand the two of you anymore…”

“I visited your grave… every day… I came by Seunghyun’s house whenever I could and if I couldn’t make it I would call!” Youngbae walked up to me and grabbed me by the shoulders. “I was torn to shreds about this!” He yelled.

“I heard… When I was dying at the hospital. I hear you… I heard Bora too…” I said softly looking him in his eyes. “You told me to wake up… Bora said she was sorry.”

“I still don’t understand this Dae..” Youngbae said softly.

“It doesn’t matter anymore… It happened… I can’t do anything about it now…” I looked away and pushed him from me. “I’m leaving… I shouldn’t have came back…” I turned and started to quickly walk away.

“Why did you… try killing yourself…” He managed to say. I stopped walking and turned around to face him.

“I wasn’t happy anymore.” I said softly. The wind blew and the coldness made it hard for me to produce words. “I didn’t want to start over… I wanted to keep what I had.” I closed my eyes and brought my hand up to my neck. “Seunghyun told me that I could make new memories… When I all I wanted was to go back to my old happy self.” I tried holding back the tears that threatened to fall.

Youngbae stood there, his face was soft. He wanted to come over and hug me… never let me go.

“I pushed him away… I told him… He didn’t know the pain that I was going through… No one did… When in reality… Everyone close to me was in the same pain as me… When they thought they lost me.” I explained looking at the ground. “After I took off and came back… He asked… If Bora and I never got into that argument would I have done this still.”

“What did you say?” Youngbae asked.

“I said yes…” I said softly. Youngbae bit his lips and looked away. “But, he asked me… If I had a chance to go back in time… Even after I did this... Would I do it again…” I looked at him.

Youngbae looked back at me and we caught eyes.

“I told him no.” I answered in a soft voice. “I don’t think I could. Sometimes I wish… That I never did it… When I saw you guys at the funeral… I wanted to tell… I really did… But I couldn’t… I didn’t want my life going back to the same way… As long as Jiyong was out there I was afraid to come back out.”

Youngbae looked at me with soft eyes and walked over. He pulled me into a hug. I stood there… not hugging him back.

“I can’t be with you though… Even after what my sister has done to me… I can’t hurt her.” I said softly pushing away from him again and heading back to the house.

Youngbae watched me walk back to the house. He took a deep breath before following me back.

When we walked back inside the house, my mom ran over to me and hugged me. She was crying and wouldn’t let me go. Youngbae looked around for Bora, but she wasn’t in the living room, nor the kitchen. He walked up the stairs and to her room.

“I love you baby.” My mom said placing her hands on my cheeks. She kissed my forehead and continued to cry. She pulled me back into a hug. She finally pulled away and I turned around to look at my other friends. CL, Minzy, Seungri, Dara. They all quickly came over to me and group hugged me.

Seunghyun stood by the door with Bom. She was smiling, then she turned to look at Seunghyun. “He’s home again.” She said softly.

Seunghyun looked at Bom before looking back at me. He smiled a little bit. “Yeah… But I wonder if he’s really happy.” He responded.

“I’m sure he is.” Bom said looking at me. She then looked at Seunghyun. “Why wouldn’t he be?”

Seunghyun sighed. “The whole thing with him and Youngbae and Bora… I wonder how he is going to deal with that…”

Bom just looked at Seunghyun before looking at me again. After a few minutes everyone stopped hugging me and we all gathered at the table for Christmas lunch. They seemed… a lot happier… Now that I was back… Alive to them.

Seungri was no longer with either Minzy or CL. He claims to not even have a girlfriend right now. He was sitting in the middle of the two girls. He was laughing and joking around with them. Seunghyun and Bom were sitting next to me. They were smiling and eating, exchanging a few words with one another. My mom sat on the other side of me. She laughed with the others, she would keep her hand off of my arm. She didn’t want me leaving her again.

I looked around for Youngbae and he was no where to be found. I stood up and excused myself from the table. My mom stood up to follow me. I turned around and smiled. “Please… Sit… I ‘m just going up stairs. I’ll be right back.” I said softly. She sat back down. I turned back towards the stairs and slowly made my way back up.

I heard arguing coming from Bora’s room. I walked over and listened in.

“You’re in love with him!” She yelled “How long has this been going on!”

“Ever since we’ve been together.” He said softly.

“Tch… I knew there was something wrong with you…” She muttered as she pulled out something and started to pack her clothes.

Youngbae watched her and placed his hand on her arm. “Where are you going?” He asked.

Bora pulled her arm back from him. “After today is over with I am leaving.”

“Where are you going!” He yelled.

Bora stopped packing and looked at him. “I joined the army.” She muttered.

“Are you kidding me…” Youngbae muttered.

“Nope… You’ll have Daesung to satisfy your needs.” She muttered going back to packing.

“Daesung doesn’t… He won’t be with me because he doesn’t want to hurt you…” He said softly.

Bora shook her head. “That’s not new…” She muttered.

“You should feel sorry for him! You’re the one who caused him his misery!” Youngbae yelled.

Bora stopped what she was doing. “Me!” She pointed to herself. “You had your share in it too!” She yelled. She pushed him with one of her hands and turned back around. She closed her suitcase and walked it over to her bedroom door. She placed it down and turned back to face Youngbae. “I’ve always loved you… I’ve given you everything. My love… My heart… My feelings… Everything… I’ve told you things that I wouldn’t tell nobody else..” She said softly. “Don’t get me wrong… I love my brother… I was always jealous of him.” The tears started to form in her eyes. I stood by the door, I leaned against the wall covering my mouth.

“Bora…” Youngbae said softly walking over to her.

“He’s so perfect… He pretty, he can sing, he’s nice and smart. He has friends. He’s never angry. I wish I was like him… When I thought he died… I thought my life ended… I didn’t have my brother anymore… It was gone… That feeling. It stuck in my chest.” Bora pointed to her chest and placed her hand on her heart. “It’s suffocating my heart… I couldn’t breath most nights. I would stay up crying because I know that I caused him to leave.” The tears fell down her cheeks. “It hurts to know that I was the one who killed my own brother.” She started to sob as Youngbae pulled her into a hug. “How could I live happily knowing that!”

“But he’s here.” Youngbae whispered in her ear.

“He’s been here the whole time… My heart has been aching the whole time. It’s been killing me… and this whole time he was still alive. How can I not be mad at that.” She buried her face in his chest. “How can I not be mad at him for hurting me like that.” She cried, Youngbae held her closer.

I kept leaning against the wall. The tears falling down. I took a breath and turned to walk back towards the stairs.

“Daesung?” A voice softly called out behind me. I slowly turned back around to find myself facing Bora and Youngbae. They both looked at me.

“I’m sorry.” I said softly, my voice choking and that signaled for the tears to fall down more.

She moved from Youngbae and walked over to me. She pulled me into a hug and I quickly wrapped my arms around her. I started to cry harder and so did she. Youngbae stood there and watched us, before quietly walking down the stairs.

“I’m so sorry Daesung.” Bora quickly said as she continued to hug me. “I wish I could change back time and go back.”

“It’s my fault Bora.” I choked. “I should have been honest with everyone from the beginning about me.” I pulled away to look at her. Both of our faces were stained with tears. “I was afraid that you guys would have hated me.” I said softly. “I’m perfect… Why would you think that.” I managed to say.

“Because you’re my brother.” Bora quickly responded.

“You’re the one that is outgoing… I’m always afraid.” I closed my eyes.

“I’m jealous because you’re softness and you have a heart… Unlike most people.” She choked. “I wish I was more like you.” She managed to say. I pulled back into the hug.

For once in a long time… I was happy again.
 

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A/N

Sorry for long wait. I just didn't have the feeling to update anymore... I've been really busy lately and updating my stories was last on my mind. Sorry again. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.