I woke up the next morning to the soft pitter patter of rain hitting my windowpane, and noticed instantly when I looked out the window that it was a gray morning. Perfect. The weather reflected exactly how I felt at the moment. I groaned, already getting the feeling that today was going to . Sitting up in my bed, my thin blanket falling to bunch around my waist, I sleepily rubbed my eyes with the heels of my palms, hoping that the desire to sleep wouldn’t linger too long. I, by some miracle of some higher power, had the luck of avoiding the other guys last night since they all had schedules that kept them out until the odd hours of the morning. Void, however, made sure to let me know every single second of every single minute of every single hour yesterday that he was completely and utterly pissed at me. Never in my life had I ever been “afraid” of anybody, but damn. An angry Void sure isn’t something you ever want to meet in your lifetime.

A sudden yawn overtook me as I stretched my arms above my head for a moment. Hearing a satisfying pop from my back, I smiled in content as I turned to look at the clock on my bedside table. 9:53 in the morning. Good lord. On the one day I’m actually able to sleep in my own bed, and without the influence of alcohol, is the one day that I end up waking up ridiculously early. I sighed and shook my head, realizing that there was no point in trying to force myself back to sleep since I was already up. Instead, I reached underneath my pillow to grab my phone that I had charging under there and slid the unlock bar once I brought the phone back to life. Entering in my pass code, my phone instantly bombarded me with 37 new text messages, 49 missed calls, and 17 new voicemails. I instantly gulped in fear when I scrolled through them and saw that pretty much all of them were from Siwon, a few here and there from some of the other guys. Aigoo. I completely forgot that Siwon would find out about this eventually.

I was planning to ignore all the calls and texts and voicemails, hoping to prolong the lecture I was sure to get from Siwon for as long as I possibly could, when the name of the very first person to call me last night caught my eye. It took me a moment to digest everything, and I felt my eyes widening slowly in disbelief. Did… Did he happen to leave a voicemail?

I hastily went through my endless voicemails, flinching every time Siwon’s angry and disappointed voice filled my ears until, finally, I heard what I had been searching for:

“Uki? Uki, please tell me you’re okay. Please tell me you’re safe. We just got word from Leeteuk hyung that you’re missing? What the hell happened? Uki, please, if you’re listening to this voicemail, please call me back. I need to know that you’re okay. I… I need to know that you’re safe. Please, Uki. I’m sorry.”

I felt my lower lip trembling slightly as I immediately hit the end button and threw my phone somewhere into the depths of my bed. I sighed, leaning forward so my forehead was resting against my drawn-up knees as I ran my hands through my messy hair. Donghae, I’m trying to get over you here. You worrying about me isn’t making any of this easier, you stupid pabo. Aish. I couldn’t handle this. It’d be one thing if he just completely ignored me and never spoke a word to me again so I could get over him in peace, but it’s an entirely different thing if he’s gonna worry about me and leave me sweet voicemails like that one, making it almost impossible for me to forget him. I’d rather have just one, thank you, not a mixture of both!I growled in irritation and ripped the blanket away from my body as I threw my feet over the edge of my bed and began searching around my room for new clothes to wear for the day. I needed to occupy myself. I couldn’t let myself dwell on any of this any longer; the last thing I wanted to do was confuse myself any more than I already was.

Deciding that what I needed to clear my clouded mind was a nice, long, hot shower, I made my way around my room, looking for clothes, undergarments, a towel, etc. After grabbing all the necessary items for my shower, I slowly poked my head out the doorframe—I still had no door, remember?—looking left and right to see if anybody else were awake. When I realized that all the guys were probably still asleep since they didn’t get in until late last night, I let out a breath that I hadn’t even realized I had been holding. I don’t know why, but the sudden idea that the Super Junior guys could literally murder had me tense and on edge, as if I had to keep my eyes open lest I wanted to be attacked when I least expected it.

Tip toeing across the hallway toward the bathroom, I quietly shut and locked the locks—all three of them. Yes, it is necessary to have three locks on the bathroom door in the Super Junior dorm—on the door. It wasn’t until I set my towel and clothes down on the sink and hung my towel up on the towel rack that it suddenly dawned on me that there seemed to be a severe lack of Void this morning. Where the hell was he? Now that I think about it, I didn’t see him on my couch when I woke up this morning. I shook away the feelings of suspicion and focused instead on indulging myself with the hot shower, a luxury I rarely ever got to enjoy these days. I’ll worry about what that child is up to once I’m done with my shower.  

I reached in the tub and turned the water on, waiting for the water to turn hot until I pulled the little lever thing that enabled the shower head to spew the water instead of the bath head. I stripped out of my clothing and double checked to make sure the door was locked before carefully stepping into the hot, soothing water. Instantly, I felt my tense muscles relax as my stress levels decreased significantly. I felt as though the water was washing away all the problems in my life. I sighed, wishing that getting rid of all my problems would be as easy as taking a shower. If that were possible, I have a feeling that I would never have to face hardships in my life ever again.

I frowned slightly as I reached forward and grabbed my Suave shampoo bottle, squeezing out enough shampoo to cover the entire palm of my hand, before setting it back in its rightful place on the shelf. I lathered the pink, creamy substance into my hair until I felt my hair-sprayed hair beginning to soften underneath my fingers, and the pungent aroma of exotic flowers began swirling around me. I tilted my head back so my hair was underneath the direct hit of the hot water, and slowly worked my fingers through my hair as the water did all the hard work of washing away all the remnants and memories of two nights ago. Once all the shampoo was out of my hair, I reached for the white loofah sponge and my bottle of Dove, cucumber melon body wash. Pouring a quarter-sized amount of body wash onto the loofah, I began scrubbing my body clean, hoping to wash away any and all traces of anything that had happened two nights ago at the club.

The events of the club suddenly flashed through my mind like an old filmstrip, causing me to shudder in disgust. I scrubbed my body extra hard, wanting nothing more than to get rid of any and all essences of that jackass, Taejun. But, the more I scrubbed, the more angry tears filled my eyes until eventually, I couldn’t see anything at all past my tears. Finally, I threw the loofah to the side and plopped myself down in the shower, letting the water pound on my as I fought not to completely lose control and begin sobbing like I truly wanted to. I still don’t understand why I let that happen! I could have easily taken him! I could have easily thrown him off me, maybe snapping a few limbs in the process, but why didn’t I?! Why didn’t I kill him on the spot like I would have done with anybody else?!

-Because you were secretly waiting for Donghae to come save you. You were hoping that he’d be there for you like he always was-

…You’re right…

~~~~

After just sitting in the shower for an hour, reflecting on the ty turn my life decided to take, I finally managed to convince myself to get out before I turned into a nasty old prune. I shut the water off and halfheartedly stood, reaching an arm out of the shower curtain for my white towel. Once I grabbed it, I began drying myself off, starting with my hair and eventually working my way down to wiping all the water off my legs and body. I wrapped the towel around my body and carefully stepped out, smiling slightly when I realized that the steam in the bathroom saved me from having to step into the wintry Tundra of what the bathroom normally would have been. Turning to the tiny pile of my clothes sitting on the sink, I grabbed them and began getting dressed, pulling the white, loose V-neck on over my head and then stepping into the black Sophie shorts.

After wrapping my hair up on the top of my head with the towel, I unlocked the locks on the door and carefully stepped out, only to be pushed out of the way by someone I hadn’t even noticed was standing there. Before I could register what was happening, I heard the bathroom door shut with a snap behind me and the distinct sound of the toilet seat being put up through the door, accompanied by the loud complaints and curses of other voices.

“Yesung, I’m gonna kill you if my ing bladder explodes!” Heechul shouted, pounding on the bathroom door. He growled in annoyance when his only response was the sound of liquid hitting liquid and a content humming coming from, I’m assuming, Yesung. Immediately, Heechul rounded on me, an angry fire similar to that of Void’s—I’m not gonna lie, though. Void’s stare was definitely scarier than his hyung’s—burning in his smoldering, dark brown eyes. His lip curled in either disgust or anger, I couldn’t tell, as he spat, “You. First, you completely scare the out of us by pulling a Houdini act while ing wasted, and now you further torture us by spending an hour in the only bathroom in the dorm? Do you have a ing death wish or something?!”

My eyes widened slightly. Not used to being yelled at like that, I felt my eyes slowly welling up with tears as my lower lip began to tremble. It didn’t take much to irritate Heechul, that much I knew, but him and me… We’ve always had an understanding relationship. Never, not once in all the years we’ve known each other, had either one of us been truly, legitimately pissed off at the other. But today… Today, I knew for a fact that had I been anybody else other than Uki Seohae Choi, Heechul most likely would have kicked my out of the dorm right then and there.

“Heechul-ah, calm down,” Leeteuk chastised softly, placing a restraining hand on Heechul’s shoulder, “we need to talk about this in a civilized manner. Let’s just be glad she’s home, alright?”

I studied Leeteuk’s face for a moment, and, almost immediately, the worry lines and the dark bags under his eyes and the tired look in his eyes instantly caught my attention. I felt a pang of guilt stab at the corners of my heart when I realized that Leeteuk had probably been up for the past two nights, worrying about me and refusing to sleep until I was back home, safe and sound. Stupid Uki. Stupid, stupid, stupid, idiotic, Uki! All you ever do is cause problems and make the boys worry over you! Can’t you ever do anything right?

Heechul rolled his eyes and threw Leeteuk’s hand off his shoulder. With one last, nastily-cold look thrown my way, he walked away from us, down the hallway, and into his room, slamming his door shut. His voice muffled by the wooden door, he shouted, “If any of you use the bathroom before me after Yesung is done, I swear to ing God that I will cut off whatever the hell makes you a man, got it!”

Nobody needed to acknowledge him to know that he was being dead serious about his threat. Slowly, the rest of the guys dispersed until it was just Leeteuk and me standing in the hallway. He sighed and carefully wrapped his arm around my shoulders and said quietly, “C’mon. We gotta talk.”

I reluctantly followed him down the hallway, and next thing I knew, I found myself curled up in a ball on his couch while he was lying on his bed, his face turned toward the ceiling and his arms folded beneath his head. We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before he sighed and said, without turning to look at me, “Look, Uki. I’m not gonna yell at you, I’m not gonna scream at you, I’m not gonna scold you. No, none of that. I just want to know. What in the world was going through your mind? Don’t you know how worried all of us were that something terrible must have happened to you? Uki… Don’t you ever scare us like that again.”

I pouted slightly and sighed deeply before I replied, “I don’t know, Teukie. I… I just don’t know. I mean, everything was fine and dandy when I was with Void, but then I just started feeling really confused and everything, and next thing I know, I have thoughts of Donghae swirling around in my mind again, I’m utterly confused about life, and—and—and I just don’t know!”

I hadn’t realized that I had been getting progressively louder, nor had I realized that I had been crying. I angrily wiped the tears away, irritated with myself for being so damn emotional. This wasn’t the time for any of that!

“You know what I think the root of all these problems is?” Leeteuk asked quietly.

“What?” I snapped in a short, clipped manner.

“…I think you really miss Donghae.”

I clamped my mouth shut instantly, grinding my teeth as the silent tears kept falling.

I hate it when people guess correctly on the very first try.

After a few minutes of silence, he sighed deeply, his sigh sounding almost as though he deeply regretted something. And then quietly, his voice beginning to choke the moment he began speaking, he said, “Uki… It’s killing me to have to say this, trust me, but… Fix things with Donghae already. It’s obvious that he has to be a part of your life in some way, otherwise, stupid like this is gonna happen every day, and I really don’t want to get a call some day in the future from a police officer telling me that you accidentally fell off the bridge at the Han River while you were drunk or something. Uki… Please, for your own wellbeing, go fix things with Donghae.”

I sadly turned my gaze away from him, finding sudden interest in a knot in the pattern of the swirls on his hardwood floors. I knew he was right. I knew that in order to not only save myself, but also spare everybody around me from having to go through such intense worry over me, I had to reconcile with Donghae. But the only thing about that plan was—

“I don’t know how, Teukie,” I responded quietly, suddenly standing up from the couch. Giving him a sad look, I told him, “And even if I did, that’s not what I want. I don’t really know what I want at this point, but I’m determined to figure it out on my own. Thanks for the talk, and sorry for worrying you guy so much, but don’t worry. This’ll be the last time you ever have to worry about me again, I can promise you that much.”

~~~~

Later that day, I found out where Void had been that morning: at the store, buying a new box of his ridiculous, orange hair dye.

The moment he got back home, my day suddenly went from me spending it wallowing in self-pity, to somehow being forced to re-dye his stupid hair for him. I was seriously almost tempted to take the box and shove it down his throat when he took it out of the plastic grocery bag and threw it at me, his only words of explanation being, “After you cook me breakfast, read the directions on the box and get started on setting everything up.” I’m not quite sure where he got his sudden temerity from, but he’s seriously starting to push it. Although I knew that I deserved such cold treatment, and although I realized that Void can be pretty scary when he’s pissed, he needs to ing remember that I, Uki Seohae Choi, am the ing queen , and I won’t hesitate in putting anybody back into their rightful places. However, I’ll let him have his fun for the time being, only because I know that I did up big time, but the moment he pushes it, it’s immediately “Bye-Bye, Void”.

While in the middle of reluctantly cooking breakfast for the stupid idiot, my thoughts began wandering, and I began to ponder about everything again. Honestly, it’s just gotten to the point where I don't know what I should be doing about life anymore. It seems as though everything's been thrown into perspective, and from here, it's my time to pick and choose what happens and what doesn't happen, and I'm just—

“UKI, I WANT FOOD!”

“VOID, I’M GONNA ING KILL YOU.”

Angrily, I threw the eggs I was frying onto a plate I snatched from the cupboard above me, not caring whether or not the damn things were cooked. I took the plate and marched over to the living room, throwing the plate onto the coffee table in front of him. Before he had a chance to say anything to me, I stalked back toward the kitchen, completely drowning out his words when he asked for a glass of orange juice. One day, and I was already going insane? I cannot take two more months of this without committing premeditated murder in the process!

You know what?

Screw waiting two months.

I needa get outta here. I’m sick and tired of Seoul already.

I’m done.

I need to go back to school, focus on my studies, and leave everything that happened in Seoul behind me once and for all.

Yeah, now that sounds like the perfect plan.

As I continued to ponder upon this thought while cleaning up the kitchen, a smirk slowly spread across my lips.

I knew what I was going to do, and I had my mind set on doing it.

Well... Yeah. LOLL. This chapter wasn't the best, I realize. .__.

And I knew it wasn't gonna be the best, too. I have the last couple of chapters planned--me? Planning?! Blasphemy!--and as I was going over my plans, I immediately pointed to this chapter and said, "This one. This one right here is going to be the hardest one to write."

The reason why was 'cause this was more or less just a filler chapter, kinda transitioning you to what's about to happen next.

And trust me when I say that some BIG stuff is about to happen next(;

So basically, I was more excited about writing the later chapters than I was about writing this one, so I apologize for the y, randomly emo chapter. .__.

But then again, this IS the EMOTIONAL Series, am I right? We need to have at least ONE chapter dedicated to just emotional meltdowns, right? :3

LOLL. Anyway, hope you liked this despite its iness!

And thank you SO much for all the comments from the last chapter. You guys seriously made me SO happy as an author. Aish. I love you guys so much<3

Lol. Void, you are sucha dork<3