“ Are you okay?” Joon, who had caught the dazed look in Jae's eyes, asked again as they left the meeting room and headed to the elevator. The charity auction they had to attend was half an hour away and was the last thing left on Jae’s schedule which Joo had cleared. Joon knew it had something to do with Mrs Park as Jae asked him to clear his schedule as he stepped into the meeting room. His request to be taken to his cave has been granted as Joon let Seungi knew and the latter went home. Joon knew the hour drive provided a good break and alone tiem for him to ask some serious questions about what has been going on with Jae lately.

“ Just don’t feel like it today” Jae pulled a cigarette brushing his hair back.

“ Too many ppl in that house,” Jae added as he lit the cigarette and took his first smoke. The performance he puts on when he was around the kids and Mrs Kim was too much at times and in those days it was better to hide in his cave.

He could drink or even cry himself until his heart gives out. Locked in the empty house by himself, it was then where he could sit in silence and give into the voice in his head that he can’t scratch out no matter how hard he tries. The haunted house was a prison cell he used to punish himself. Every corner of the wall , every room , every step of the floor , the garden , the swimming pool . .there was not an inch of space that didn’t haunt his memories. ABove them all was his once favorite room. The room that he had sonet millions and a group of architects to make. His once most loved space was now a ghost room he couldn't even dare walk past on most days.

His shaking right hand had opened the door twice. The great garden in clear view thanks to the glass wall was like a dark forest reflecting back the demons lurking . The neatly made bed was the only thing not covered up as Jae took his first step into the room. His chest rising up and down as his lung tries to keep up with the demand from more air was nothing compared to his rapidly beating heart beat . The whisky bottle held by his left hand swung slowly as his bare legs took two , three steps. Both times , he has blamed the alcohol that filled his veins for the real looking images it started flashing in his head.

Her alluringly slender bare legs, his shirt hanging by her thigh, her hair laid down on her back while her arms crossed held his shirt tightly against her body, her eyes focused on her favorite view of the great garden . . .the image in his head was as vivid as ever , as though he could reach out and touch her. Her eyes focused on the garden, her hair that starts dancing to the direction the wind from the window directs to, he knew from the moment he first saw her standing there that the scene would be locked in his deepest memories, to haunt him forever.

The voice he can’t quite make out but as she slowly turns her head towards the bed he could almost make out what she was saying before her lips part for a small smile. Her sparkling eyes that always disabled him, turn golden and light up as she focuses on him. Her pink blushing cheeks decorated by her little freckles , his eyes recall every dot across her face . every strand of hair that swings to her face, her lips that can’t stop smiling . But all of it was nothing to the look that accompanies her smiles. Her eyes that have obliterated every wall he had built around his heart, her eyes that have defeated him with their enchanting glow were always able to silence everything else and give him peace.

“ Jae” as he makes out her voice his legs give out landing his body on the bed. The whisky bottle dropped on the floor would keep pouring as the first tears rolled down his eyes. The warm drops were torchering hot as they slid down his ice cold face and head towards the back of his neck. His body laying on the bed had minutes before it gave out as everything hit all at once once he picked up her scent that was all over the blanket.

The thousands of needle-like piercings that start attacking his already bleeding heart were more tolerable than her voice and the vivid images he can't shake out of his head. His shaking fingers pulling his hair, the more he fought against it the more real it all smead as his voice whispering his name was accompanied by her laughter.

“ Jae, you know I don't like it when you stare at me like that ” her cherry red lips keep smiling

Unable to win against her even in memories, he gives up fighting it all and just lays down letting all the demons take over. The endless tears that fall down his cheeks quickly start clouding his view as he closes his eyes and turns his head toward her side of the bed. The lemon scent from her shampoo and lotion she always used before she went to sleep finally brings out all the intimate and most precious moments spent together.

The darkness looking over quickly takes over as his body and mind both down, unable to take a second more of the torcher. The lifeless body laid in the dark room will not be discovered until days later when his heart, that doesn’t seem to have enough, as always decided , this is not the end. A quick shower followed by three pills, black suit and shades to hide himself away . . he leaves the haunted house as ghostly as the memories that will wait for him until next time.

That next time was today. Her voice he has missed, her smile he is dying to see, there was no price he wouldn’t pay. Torturing himself to hear her name roll out her lips was a small price to pay.

“ Why don’t you stay at a hotel if you want to be alone?” Joon pressed down. The cigarette Jae kept inhaling at an alarming rate was a great indication this wasn’t just about wanting to be alone.

“ I can just drive, you can go home” Jae brushing his hair back blew out the white smoke avoiding joon’s questioning eyes as much as possible.

“ I don’t like it when you go there” Joon after much contemplation stated what he felt

“ You come out sick and acting very weird” He added as he followed jae and stepped into the elevator

“ I always look sick,” Jae smiled while glancing at Joon. The joke he tried to make was not accepted by joon.

“ Why are you really going there?” Joon asked, crossing his arms. Whatever Mrs Park said to Jae after he left has triggered something. He was sure . there was something.

“ Don’t with me Jae” Joon snatched the ciggret from Jae’s lips and stped on them as his eyes turning angry as jae looked up, his startled eyes cathing Joons angry ones.

“ Uhhhhh” Jae took a deep breath brushing his hair back with both hands. His ticking hands quickly untied his tie and ed the first two buttons. The suffocated feeling was raised a little as the cold air brushed against his neck as his tie was placed in his right pocket.

“ huhhhhh” Jae took another deep breath as tried to avoid Joons eyes that were focused on him. He knew he won’t be able to get out of this today without giving Joon something. The problem was to come up with a good lie that he could get away with.

“ You don’t trust me any more , do you?” Joon’s arms aparted and heading to his pocket asked. The small gap that started the moment they left the country has gotten bigger and bigger that Joon doesn’t even know what to do with Jae , his once closest friend, anymore.

“ That's not” Jae was quick to cut even the thought. Considering how much Joon knows him, Jae knew Joon was well aware of the distance between them that has changed their relationship.

“ HUHHHH” jae took a deep breath as he brushed his hair back. As Joon’s questioning eye stayed on him, Jae took a step back and slowly landed his back against teh glass wall of the elevator.

Huhhhhh he sighed as he kept his eyes on the floor.

“ I don’t want to think about anything.” Jae’s broken voice cut Joon’s sentence short. His hair covering his face, Jae stood, his eyes glued to the floor. Joon, taken aback by what just came out of Jae’s lips, swallowed what he was about to say.

“ No matter how much I try I can’t stop my mind from spinning,” Jae added, not aware how much his words were reliving some of the painfull weight over his shoulder to Joon. talking to Joon has always easied his anguish but he had forgotten all about that.

“ I want silence ” Jae brushed his hair behind his ears, sneaking a glance at Joon.

“ say something” after seconds of silence jae snuck another glance at his frozen friend glaring at him.

“ joon” the nervous Jae sent a fake smile Joon’s way. The need to know what his friend was thinking was starting to eat him. If there was anybody who would tell him the honest truth it was the person who knew him the best.

“ What do you want me to say?” Joon whispered out, noticing the nervous and anxious look on Jae.

“ Tell me the truth,” Jae brushed his hair back and focused his anxious eyes on joon. Joon's eyes stayed focused on Jae before he blurted out exactly what he was thinking. Joons right hand extended and pressed the halt button forcing the elevator to stop.

“ you lock yourself in that house to punish yourself and let the pain numb everything else” Joons words weren’t something jae was prepared for as his eyes opening wide open declared his shook.

“ You punish yourself every time you realize how good you’re with living with your demons and how much easier it will be to let it all go than face them,” Joon added as he made up his mind that if this was the last time he was allowed to speak his truth let this moment be it.

“ you torcher yourself because it's easier than facing the truth” Joons focused eyes were sending killing shots at their defenseless target and the confused and unprepared jae had made the mistake to smirk

“ Your scared” the pain filled smirk that escaped jae’s lips , accompanied by the confused look in his eyes , Joon knew he was crossing lines but at this point he didn't care

“ you're scared less of even the thought of not being forgiven that you have convinced yourself that sleeping with another person and faking to have moved on would replace it all “

“ that's not why I start” jae whisper of a voice despaired hidden behind his anxious smiles

“ My God Jae” Joon’s loud scream shook Jae as his nervous hands brushed his hair back

“ at least be honest with yourself” joon added

“ be honest about what?” Jae asked, glancing up at Joon. His dark gloomy eyes stared right back at joon

“ about what?” Jae asked, for a second forgetting he was dealing with Joon who will tell him the honest truth he might be able to handle

“ That all of this is about not wanting to deal with the fact that you broke her heart and she won’t ever forgive you, let alone take you back ” Joon , not sure if it was the right thing to say, spoke out but the moment his words hit ajes ears. The reaction he got revealed it was the right thing to say.

“ You hate yourself so much for what happened” Joon heart broke the moment he caught Jae’s right hand that whipped his first tear away as Jae bit his lower lip, trying hard to swallow down all the aceh that started at his heart that was torn to pieces.

“ You hate your own self so much that you don't even look at yourself anymore Jae”

“ Please Stop” Jae’s breaking voice begged for mercy

“ You’ve become such a coward” Joon didn’t accept the defeat and went on

“ even hyeon would be embarrassed of the man you have turned out to be” Joon took a step towards the sick looking figure. He was going to push until the breaking point today.

“ Please don't say her name” jae with the small energy left in him protested. His body that has been busy trying to keep himself together was minutes away from losing control.

“ The man she loved would be fighting for her until death” Joon went on completely ignoring Jae’s plea.

“ not make out with another person in front of her, hahah” Joon;s weird laugh was scarier than his words

“ Were you able to sleep that night?” Joons questioning eyes were too angry to notice the jae’s anxiety that was about to take over

“ have you convinced yourself that Hyeon’s sleeping with another man to make it eas

“ SHUT UP” jae shouted as he fingers scratched his head

“SHUT THE UP” he aded as the scared joon took two steps back coming to the edge of the elevator . Jae’s bloodshot red angry eyes, the tear marks across his cheeks, her bleeding lower lip his teeth have dug into, his frantically shaking hands brushing his hair back, his legs walking back and forth . He was scared and wasn't ready to deal with what he had caused.

“ You don't have any right to say anything to me, “ Jaes' shaking finger pointed at Joon and teh latter knew he had hit exactly where he wanted and triggered deeper truths jae had kept hidden.

“ I TRUSTED YOU TO DO THE RIGHT THING ” the tears building in his eye sjae pointe dright at joon

“ YOU ALL MADE THE CALL TO DO THIS TO ME” his right hand switched from pointing at joon to his chest , right at his rapidly beating chest.

“ YOU DON’T GET TO CROSS YOUR ARMS AND JUDGE ME FOR WHAT I HAD TO DO TO SURVIVE”

“ we did what was best for you” Joon tried to defend himself but it was useless

“ WHAT WAS BEST FOR ME WAS TO STAY NEXT TO HER” Jae shouted with every word he spoke out terrifying joon

“ This is why you don't trust me anymore,” Joon asked, finally figuring out the incident that started the distance between them .

“ huhhh” jae didn’t respond just started taking deep breaths

“ we did it to save your life”

“ I would rather have died then than to live like this, “ Jaes' legs halted their back and forth as he held the glass wall to support his body and stood still but what he said next was what sealed the deal on why he had shut off Joon .

“Of all of them, you should have known that”

“ would you fight for her if I explain what we did and beg her to forgive you” Joon did not finish his sentence as jaes eyes zoomed in on him

“ What I want is to leave her alone, '' Jae warned . knowing how Joon might go behind his back and do something. He needed to warn him.

“ I don't want to bother her even for a second let alone '' Jae did not finish his sentence as he started brushing his face , clearining it from any evidence of tears.

“ Please leave her alone” swallowing the hard truth, Jae took a deep breath and brushed his hair behind his ears.

“ You love her “ Joon whispered out realizing how Jae was able to control his anxiety down by himself.

“ She doesn't need me,” jae started adjusting his suit. Joon still shocked by how much Jae was able to control his emotion and bring himself back needed a second or two to realize what Jae just said.

1 ,2 , 3 some seconds went by as they stood in silence processing everything that was said.

“ but you still love her?” Joon asked for once , wanting to hear the words come out of Jae’s lips. After all this mess, Joon is unsure and needs confirmation from jae himself.

“ don’t you?” Joon asked again

“It doesn't matter so let it go,” Jae whispered, pressing the down elevator button. He needs to get to the fund raising as quickly as possible so he can drink himself until he is unconscious and bury himself in his haunted house.

“ It matters to me” Joon, grabbing Jea’s arm, turned him his way.

“ If it matters to you, please just leave her alone” Jae, unlocking his arm away from Joon, took a step closer to the elevator door that was getting ready to open up.

“ until when?” Joon asked as he followed behind Jae who walked out the elevator doors.

“ forever”

“ You can't avoid her forever” joon was quick to questions jaes suggestion

“ what is going to happen when you run into her because of the kids” Joon asked trying to make out who jae was trying to text

“ She hates my guts. I am sure that will help me get through being in the same space. '' Jae's fingers were quickly typing something. Joon can't make out what Jae was typing but he knew it was being sent to his doctor

“ You still love her?” joon asked again

“ Let it go” Jae went on texting, a small smile escaped his lips. He has missed Joon’s and his bickering arguments.

“ Look at your face,” joon pointed out.

“ Why can't you just admit it?” Joon pulled out his phone, checked the time and started looking for the location of the event.

“ I am trying to move on for her sake,” His honestly leaving joon frozen

“ I can’t make her happy ” another honest revelation tugged at Joons heart that was already torn. The nonchalant way Jae has whispered the words while his eyes state glued to his phone was scary

“ Hyeon” Joon whispered

“ Please don't say her name “ Jae responding to his doctor's response begged

“ it’s hyeon” Joon added as his eyes about to shoot out their socket galread at the girl arguing with the security guards.

“ She here” Joon’s startled eyes zoomed in on the women that made out the two men walking her way. As he realized her eyes looking back at them , he slowly turned his eyes to Jae.

Jae’s eyes that slowly rose to the security guards ahead were quick to recognize the women they were fighting to not let in. “ ” jae’s whsiper was cuaght by joon as Jae placed his phone back in his pocket and started brushing his hair to his face. Behind every strand of hair that flew to his face , he had caught the fiery red eyes of hyeon and the furious steps she was taking his way. Her ready to punch fists, her lips that were ready to curse him out, her legs, if allowed, that would tampon him until he reached the depth of hell . . the fury in her whole body that was marching was beyond visible.at times, in his quiet moments he had imagine what her truly angry eyes would look like if they were caught a glimpse of him but not had prepared him for this as he recalled the test of the pills he had swallowed down. Thank God, he had made sure to take extra one because with out he might not be able to handle whatever she was about to scream at him for.

“ What the did you do?” her pointing fingers were just as scary as her angry eyes that were targeted at jae.

“ What are you talking about?” Joon taking a step closer to Jae and standing in between teh two asked/. The fear in Jae's eyes was noticed by only him.

“ I swear to God if you did something to her, I am going to skin you alive” her anger beyond control hyeon;s knife like fingers have extended and pushed against jae’s chest as she stood a step away from him. Her rage filled eyes were merciless as they convinced him the truth in every word she just spoke. If he didn’t give her teh answer she was looking for , she 100 % looked like she would skin him while alive right here and now.

“ clam down” Joon getting even closer stepped in the middle. He needs to protect Jae.

“ don’t you dare touch me” She turned her anger to Joons' way as she slapped his hand away from her.

“ Did you threaten her?” She turned her eyes towards Jae who turning his head to the side was trying to remember how to breath.

“ Who are you talking about ?” Joon interru

“ Oh the old lady that came to visit you earlier, fainted in the elevator and was picked by an am