DOUBLE UPDATE   .    .    . cus I had to make it up for you guys.

Cigarette in one hand his scotch in the other jae rather than the great scene in front of him focusedd his dead serious looking eyes on his brother who is trying his hardest to avoid his hyong gave. It has been 5 minutes since teh waiter left with their order and afraid to even lift his lime water and take a sip lay has sat hands clutched in eyes trying to stare at teh great view of teh garden outside. What kind of restaurant was empty at lunch hour lay had questioned as they walked up to teh 2nd floor to be welcomed to an empty dining area . . .teh whole 360 of the restaurant made with a thick glass it gave it a great sense of being one with nature as the whole garden surrounded teh restaurant. Lay knew from one look that this place would be on jaes favorite list. He had heard it once or twice how much his brother has a thing for views and places like this. It didn’t help that they were laying those old records a s backdrop to help in the rain that just started slowly tapping on the glass. Even Though he had never been here or heard the song there was just something about the setting they were in that made him reminisce about things and places that he doesn't even know about.

“ what is going on?” hiding behind the smoke he just breathed out jae asked bringing his brother attention back to the table.

“ . huhh” lay coughed trying to buy some time but his brother fierce eyes didn't look like they would let him have it easy and that he had to come clean. Hyeon had made sure to whisper it to him that his brother would be so understanding of him but now staring at jaes reaction and emotionless face lay wasn't sure that his brother could care less.

“ . i don't know what it is ,i just . .” he couldn't even find the word to describe teh hole he has been living in. he can't say he was depressed . . .how can he say that sitting in front of jae who was born into depression . .technically how can he even complain about anything in front of jae. How can his problems ever compare against aes and make jae feel sorry for him. There was no way jae would ever even consider feeling sorry for lays braty complaints.

“ .i’m fine , i was just bored with life i guess” lay smiled as he glanced up took a look at his brother and sent his eyes back down to teh table as he picked his lime water and took a sip. He didn’t even know why he was getting nervous all o f a sudden as jea just stared back at him in silence no follow up question to anything. He pulled his cigarette back to hislips took a couple of puffs a she kept breathing the white cloud of smoke out.

. . i guess i had to much work and partying “ unable to handle the quiet air lay spoke out hiding his nervousness behind his smiles. He is not sure how much of her partying his hyong has heard about but lay knew jae knew he was either at work or somewhere getting drunk.

. .young and wild . .,” brushing his hair back lay sat back his back against the comfortable chair he was sitting on.

. with money “ he added smiling . . . jae didn't look amused . actually jae doesn't even look like he wa hearing anything lay was saying . .he was just quietly taking a sip of his whisky. Just his hand motions and how he drinks ever so slowly as his eyes stayed on lay . . .how can his brother look this cool even taking a sip of a drink. This chrism of his was what made hyeon fall head over heels for him lay though .

. . your father called and said to send you to the shareholders meeting in 2 hours” jae finally opened as he placed his whisky glass down on the table. His cold voice and empty words had startled lay and he had noticed it.

". . he said you have a budget approval meeting after wards and that your flying to japan at night for a morning meeting“ jae added with a smirk.teh baffled and surprised look on his brother's face was very amusinging. Seemed like lay had completely forgotten his duties or anything related to work.

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Lays shocked eyes stayed focused on his brother before he turned them away too the floor as he placed his hands in his hair and brushed it back.

. . huhhh” lay signed as he picked jae’s whisky glass and drank all that was left in it. Just teh mear mention of his work seems to be ticking him off. His hands didn't rest as they picked the whisky bottle and poured more but before he brought it up to his lips jae snatched it away from him.

. .what . .” kind of glare was what jae gave him as the frustrated lay looked up at hiis brother who snacted the drink away from him. No Matter how mad he knew not to anger his brother . .teh last thing he needed was to start a fight with jae.

. .what do you want?” lay asked as he folded his hands that seem like they might start shaking in a bit. It has been a couple of week that his hands would start shaking out of nowhere when ever he is placed with his back against the wall. He has attributed to his low blood pressure which he has failed to even get checked up and all the alcohol and pills he consumes before it happens. It has happened often when he was arguing with jessica or and once or twice with dad but now it is becoming frequent and when he was sober too.

“ . .what do you want me to say?” he focused his eyes on his brother who was reading every movement of his/ praying that jae hadn't sensed his shaking hands lay sent them into his jacket pocket.

. .you’re enjoy this right?’ lay added when his brother just kept staring at him . .not even a simple sigh had jae spat out as he sat his eyes focused on his younger brother who looks beyond pathetic.

. . am sure your dancing insi

. . i told him you won't be attending the meeting” jae interrupted before lay almost spat out something he would have regretted.

. told him you won't be flying out either” bringing his whisky up to his lips jae added as his eyes as always went on reading the shocked look on his brother's face.

. .why .

“ .why

. .why would you do that ?” lay asked as he gave jaes eyes more emotions to read off of him. He is shocked that his brother even spoke like that to his dad for his sake. .but did he do it for his sake? Did he do it for him or for himself? .why would jae do that.

. .because you're depressed, have anxiety issues and probably have serious suicidal thought ” jae laid out what he think is wrong with his brother and he didn't miss a mark .

lips have stayed open as his heart stopped beating for a moment and his whole brain halted even thinking as he let what jae just said sink in. in just one sentence his brother has hit him where it hurted and teh million pieces that his heart broke into didn't have enough time to come back together as lays eye starred tearing up. How can jae know this . .how can jae be the only person to read him this easy . .this quickly. He has never even seen him drunk or acting out . He hasn't even seen him for months

. . HUH ..” lay breathed out as he took a couple of loud breath in. he needs to stay calm. He can't even think straight as he tries to sort out his confusion.jae knowing what is wrong with him and all the stuff that has been eating him was not something he was prepared for. Actually he wasn't prepared for anybody to know what was going on inside his heart . . .he has been excellent at hiding his feeling away from people. He has been excellent at pretending that he was fine when he was at the edge of losing it.

. . how many times did you try?’ jae asked as he lifted his fingers up and ordered the waiter to go back . .as ordered she pushed back teh cart with their lunch and left the whole floor . .leaving them alone.

“ . .Huh” lay breathed out again as the first warm tear rolled down his cold face. All teh emotions flooding his heart were to much to handle as he sent his eyes to teh floor and his shaking hands to his head squeezing it tight to stop the pain before it even starts. The carpet that was clear was now getting blurry as his tears rolled in messing his vision. He can't even explain or understand why everything was hitting all at once now . . . he has many nights as he sat in front of teh many pill she knew to swallow and sleep for ever that he has wondered if anybody would know what he was feeling just by looking at him. He has wondered many drunken night if anybody would ever know what he going through with him spilling it out for them. Someone who would know he was hurting with him having to bleed.

He has cried his heart out as he stood in front of the swimming pool . .counting to three then again to three then again to three as he fights with his weathering broken heart to just jump in and end it all. There was no voice in his head the even whispered for him to hold back as he stood right at teh edge . . . but even that he couldn't do . He has scratched his hair out and shouted his lung out as he realized he wasn't even bold enough to do one thing right and end it all. Nobody but his own reflection has been waht he stared at in his bighouse as he smashed everything and passed out.

He has tried it multiple times . ..countless has he wished that the darkness she ses when he apsses out ut would last forever. He has tried it countless times .

. . huh .” he breathed out again trying hard to hold himself together but it was no help. His wounded heart has had enough .

. .just breath . came that raspy voice as jae’s right hand gently landed on lays back and teh left grabbed tightly onto lays arm before he almost fell from the chair.

. .just breath . .” jae added as he sat lay back down but he's attempt to lift his brother face has failed.

. .lay “ jae couldn't help but whisper out his name a he got a glimpse of lays bowling eyes and felt teh trembling body beneath his hands.

.lay “ jae calle dout again ashe tried to pull lays hands down from his face he was hiding but it was no help lays shaking hands were determined to hid his face away. Unable to even hold in his cries when lays cries came out sneaking between his palms he was trying to shut his mouth with. It was instinctually that jaes hands slowly let go of lay's body . .