HEESEOL'S POV

I stirred and stirred on my bed. I want to sleep!. Really!, this day is tiring and I wanted to sleep! I know through sleep I could escape from this reality for a moment. During our engagement vows, I kept looking at where Sunggyu was. He wasn't looking at us and continues to drink from his glass. Will you fight for me? Because I can't. Call me coward.

I heard a thug on my door. I just ignored it, maybe some drunk person trying to find their room. Then again that became a knock. And again. So I just stood up and walked towards my door. It's almost two in the morning already. I opened it revealing the face I wanted to see. But I should not waiver.

"What do you need?" I held on to the door knob ready to close it anytime.

"I want to talk to you." I can smell alcohol on his breath.

"Look, you're drunk and your brother might see us. Do you think it would look good?" I pushed my door but he held it hard and tried to open it. He went inside.

"What do you think you're doing?!!" I shouted at him. He just ignored me and started to walk towards the couch.

"Yah!" I pulled his sleeves but he pulled me instead and hugged me. So tight that I can't breath.

"I can't breath." I murmured. He loosen the hug. It was like the old times, hugging me so tight until I can't breath then lets me go a little.

"Let me go." I pushed him a little bit but he stayed still.

"I can't." He whispered.

"Sunggyu-sshi."

"Don't call me like that."

"Let me go." I wriggled trying to pull my self from him.

Sobs. I heard him sobbing.

"I'm sorry." I stopped pushing wriggling from him when I heard his words.

"I'm sorry I can't keep my promise back then. When I proposed to you that I'll stay by your side." He keeps on sobbing. My fists formed a tight ball suppressing any emotional feeling to overcome me and break me down.

"Heeseol." He lets me go and held my face to look at him. I looked away, I don't want any eye contact with him now.

"Sunggyu-sshi, we don't need these things anymore. We don't need to talk everything that happened before out now. It was all in the past. I have moved on, I hope you too." I spat on his face. It's all lies. But what can I do? It will only get hard if I put my heart over my head and open my arms and welcome him.

He looked down.

"You're lying."

"I'm not."

"Look at me in the eyes and tell me that again."

"Do I really need to do that?"

My heart. I felt tears streaming down my face. Why are you crying?!

I felt his fimgers wipe the tears on my face so I pushed them away and wiped them myself.

"I am really making you cry, huh?" He paused.

"Go now. Please." I looked at him with my pleading eyes. Please. I don't want this right now. It's too much. Everything that is happening to me now is too much. I am carrying things that are too heavy now. And the only thing I can do is to get through with this marriage. It's not easy. I wanted you back, but I shouldn't, we shouldn't.

He continued standing there looking at me.

"I beg you. Now g--". His lips sealed mine before I could say anything else. I pushed him with my all might but nothing happened. He held both of my hands with one hand and the other on my back holding me in place. He moved his lips furiously with mine. I struggled but nothing, he's too strong. My eyes are wide open, my lips were closed. He pulled me closer to his body and held me tighter, that's when I lost all control. I just went with him. Close my eyes and kissed him. I missed him so much. So much that everyday have been like a hell for me. This is all. The waiting.

He let go of my hands as I put them on his shoulders. I felt his hands on my waist as we kiss.

This can't be. Your guards Heeseol. Don't.

I pushed him away from me. And I succeeded.

"We can't be like this. Now, please go." I said with eyes close as I point the door. I was breathing so hard. When I opened my eyes, I saw Sunggyu looking back at me with his eyes with tears. Was he crying during our kiss?

"You're even more beautiful now." I was stunned of his words. How can he say those kinds of things right now?

I swallowed hard as I feel my tears again.

"Why I can't forget you?." He smiled bitterly. And with that, he turned around and made his way out. When I heard the door being closed that's when I broke down and cry.

Why? Why now Sunggyu?.

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Rest In peace RiSe eonni~ my heart is breaking so much..

RiSe have been fighting all this time. Thank you for everything

4:00PM 07September2014