Chae In suddenly collapsed as she was running. Ji Eun immediately rushed towards her and helped her up. Chae In was crying really hard. She was so lost, she was so frustrated and she was a great mess.

She was wearing the disguise she had worn when Ji Eun saw her collapsed at the mall. Thank God people around them couldn’t identify who she was. It’s 3:30 in the morning so there are lesser people on the streets.

“Let’s go.” JiEun talked with calmness.

“I can go alone.” She answered.

“No, you can’t. Don’t be so stubborn. Just go with me.” She uttered and quickly wrapped her arm around her waist and they went to have a walk together.

They ended up at the clinic where Ji Eun was working. She has the spare keys so they entered freely. She opened the lights and sat together with Chae In.

She was a little calmer now, with occasional tears flowing on her face, but as JiEun estimated her mood. She can already talk to her properly as of the moment.

“He should’ve told me it was broken so I can be more cautious.” Chae In said while looking at an empty space. “Now there’s no choice but to abort this thing.” She uttered.

“Do you really want to abort that child?” Ji Eun uttered and Chae In looked at her, full of attention. “I learned how to do it traditionally, but I never performed that operation my whole life. I feel like a criminal.” She sighed. “But I can do it if you say so… it’s better than asking anybody else to perform the operation. We may not be sure they could use you to earn some money.”

Chae In made a sigh of relief, “Then do it, please.” She begged.

“I am adopted.” JiEun said out of nowhere. “My mother said they saw me beside the garbage can one night when they were heading home. I was crying so I got their attention. My father didn’t want to get me, but she insisted on doing so because she was worried about me.” She smiled, bitterness was on her face. “I never knew about that until umma and appa confessed to me after my 18^th birthday.”

Chae In looked at her. She started to feel sorry about this girl beside her telling her stories. “I was so angry. I felt so lost about why my real parents had to do that. They threw me at the garbage can?” She chuckled with tears starting to run down. “That was very painful to realize I weren’t welcome in the world. I hated how I seemed to be disliked by my own parents, moreover, my own mother. Then one day I realized I should be thankful instead of hating whatever they did to me. I should appreciate the fact that they threw me out instead of aborting me. Do you want to know why?”

Chae In just looked into her eyes, waiting for her to talk again.

“It’s because I won’t be able to see how beautiful the world is if ever they killed me first hand.” She smiled with tears. “I will never get to see how beautiful this place is. I will never get to appreciate those people who might love me more than my own parents do. I will never get to see how tall trees can be, how colorful flowers are, how clear skies can be, how gloomy clouds can get me. I felt great after realizing they didn’t take away my chance of having my own life. They threw me, but I still thank them for not killing me. It gave me the sole reason not to feel rejected in my life anymore. I feel so loved right now, and that is making me feel very contented.”

Chae In’s eyes started to tear up again.

“That’s probably why I am so concerned with you and most of all, to the baby in your tummy. You know what? Your body and mind are connected with each other. The baby can feel the same way as you feel as of the moment. So if you’re depressed, the baby will be depressed, too.” She said. “At first I don’t want you to kill the baby. I was hoping you could realize the child’s value and it will somehow change your point of view in life…” She started telling all the things she wanted to say.

“Do you know what is greater than a dream? It’s the people that can stand beside you even if your hair is white already. Life is not all about achieving dreams, you may want to go for them, but the people around you are a lot more important than it. It’s hard to let go and step backwards if you know there are only few steps left to achieve it, but sometimes you really have to do it, only to find out there are better things in store for you as you come back. I also believe things are given to us on the right timing. God won’t give that to you if it’s not yet the right time. If it’s destined, then it will happen, regardless of whatever prevention we might want to use.  But then I realized you won’t get to love the baby anymore. You’re so into your dreams you can’t even feel your love to that little angel inside you. I don’t mean to offend you, but your greed in conquering what you want is covering your soft spot as a mother. It already ate you, so I have no choice but to side with you now. We might not be sure if the baby will have the same fate as I am. You won’t love her, and the child might feel it while he/she is growing. What if no one else cares? What if there’s no more love to be given? What if it’s always pain? What if the baby never gets to experience the love of a mother? What if no one dares to keep the baby in case you throw it to the trash can? What if it gets too miserable for the child? Fine. Let’s kill it before the baby gets to experience how painful life can be for him/her just because the real mother didn’t care enough to love it.” She said, stood up and faced her. “If you’re ready, just go to that room and we’ll start doing it.” She said and left.

Chae In was speechless. She doesn’t know how to react to it until she realized she was already rubbing her tummy gently.

My child… what happened to me?

Author's Note:

And I literally cried while writing this. OMG.