What Are We?
Changed By You
I took the time to just sit here
And enjoy this moment with you
That I know will be soon be gone
Henry's eyes lingered on her hand. He stopped himself from holding it as he remembered the first time their fingers intertwined.
It was a beautiful Thursday morning of the 14th of September, the year was 1995. The first time they met at the playground when they were kids. A small girl grinned at him with a lollipop in . She dug in the pockets of her pink jumper to reach for an extra lollipop that she wanted to give to him.
And when he reached for it their fingers touched. And they felt something odd. “What was that?” He asked, opened and closed his hands since it felt like it had been electrocuted. “I don’t know,” she said, trying to hold his hand again, “There it is again.”
What happened to us?
What are we now then?
All I know it is something that I never taught we could be.
He held her hand to see if it will feel like when they first met. But sadly, it didn’t. His hand felt nothing as Amber pulled her hand away.
He held her hand once again and ignored Amber’s previous reaction. It wasn’t there anymore. That was the sad truth. Though their hands didn’t feel anything, his heart was then turned to even smaller pieces than it was before.
Amber tried her best not to cry at that moment with him that was the reason why she pulled her hand away from his gentle touch, kept a straight face and her other hand nervously tapping the stoned surface where they were sitting on.
We had a good run, I guess.
Thought it would last but it didn’t.
I hope it did. How I hoped it did.
When Henry decided to sit a bit closer to Amber, she moved away from him instinctively. Reality finally sank in. All Henry could do was to sit there casually, silently looking at her, and Amber for the first time was ever so quiet and awkward.
Amber was too afraid to look at him at that moment, as she bit the inside of her cheek for her not to say a word. She had so many things to say, so many things she wanted to ask him but decided not to.
It was definitely awkward. It was never awkward between them. But all they could feel at that silent moment was the awkwardness that both of them were unfamiliar with.
I tried to stay here for a little while longer
To look at you for the last time
The way I always looked at you.
He wanted to savor that moment, that moment that at least he was sharing with Amber, hoping that it would last, and what would going to happen after that would be the opposite of what they were going to do few minutes from now.
They were sitting there for what felt like hours. All they did was sat there, him looking at her, and Amber having nothing to say and occasionally biting her bottom lip, her eyes fixated on her feet.
His eyes never left her face. He was just simply looking at it and remembered the times she would smile at him or ask him why he was looking at her and the sound of her laughter would blend in with the air that blew over their intertwined hands.
You looked back,
But didn’t say a word.
Don’t you know how painful it was?
He tried to sit closer to her again, pulling her closer to him. Luckily, he finally succeeded. And Amber looked at him, but yet again no words came out of .
Henry couldn’t take it anymore and started to cry. His tears continued to flow over his cheeks, dampening his shirt that Amber bought for him.
Now, instead of the sound of her laughter like it had always been before, his sobs blended in with the air that blew upon their hair, messing them up like how messed up their relationship was.
A question lingered on my mind.
So I asked, “What are we?”
And once again, you didn’t say a word.
“I know after this, we can’t go back to what we were before. We can’t be friends anymore. We just can’t be friends after this.” Henry mentioned that big possibility to Amber. It was inevitable for them to be just friends all over again.
“What are we? If we aren’t in a relationship, if we weren’t friends, what...” Henry was choking up, “what are we?”
Henry could see the reddening of Amber’s eyes, her lower lip trembling as she continued on biting it and closed her eyes finally letting her tears fell upon her cheeks.
Amber stood from where she was sitting and was pulled into a hug. And she cried even more, Henry pulling her closer to him. She could feel his tears on her shoulder.
What are we?
I asked you again.
What are we?
“Goodbye Henry” Amber finally said something that night and walked away from him.
Henry grabbed her hand, stopping her from leaving. Once again, the thing that they felt when they were kids wasn’t there anymore. It was already long gone. Still, he held on her hand, having a bit of hope that they would feel it again.
Then Amber turned her back and walked towards him, cupping his face, kissing him for the last time. Henry touched her hands that were upon his face and there it was, that feeling they were both searching that night hoping for its return. But it was already too late.
“Goodbye Henry” She told him again, her lips just above his, and walked away, the back of her hand wiping her tears away.
That was the last thing she said to him that he would never forget. At least the last word she said was his name but the word before that was something he never imagined that would change everything between them.
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