Note: Maybe. Read on, and you will find out. Been rusty lately. Have been writing this for weeks now. Finally finished it. If there are mistakes on spelling, forgive the author because this is posted around almost two in the morning. 

“There is a breakthrough! This is an incredible discovery.” Amber showed the newly sent files from the HQ of the company she was working at in South Korea to Henry. “You could go into your own brain, sift through files of files of memories. Witness them again on your own eyes. Amazing!” 

“People could also go inside your brain, and destroy any bad thoughts, like murder, , kidnapping, ia among others.” Henry pointed out, “Amber, this means…” 

“Yeah, among the test subjects are list of people who being surveillanced by the authorities. And I will be one of people who will do the examinations, and observations in…” 

“Korea! For how long?” 

“As long as it takes. A year or two?” 

“T..two years!” He finally figure out why Amber wanted to have dinner out tonight so badly. 

“You could go with me to Korea for a few months. Each member of the team will be tested first by the team we were replacing. So the new team could experience it first hand. And I want you to be there with me.”

“I cannot bare to see you get hurt during this procedure.” 

She stared at him, searching for the best words to put it, “That is why I want you to be there with me. It would make me less worried of the outcome. I know it is selfish of me to ask you this. We both know the risk. They are sifting through my brain for goodness sake…” 

Henry held her hand across the table with a smile on his face, thumb gently caressing her hand. “I will be there with you.” 

-x-

If he could have convinced her more about not going through with this. He wondered what their lives could be right now if they did not go. They could have been married by now. They could have been taking shifts at night taking care of their newborn child who kept on crying. 

She is just sleeping. She is just sleeping. He kept on convincing himself. She is just sleeping.

“Wake up, Amber. Please. Wake up.” As tears starting to fall.

-x- 

The attending physician and Amber’s senior, Dr. Song was the one who suggested for allowing Henry to join them for the first time. They were using this machine, a recording and viewing device, that was helping speed up and understand the process more. 

“This machine, this device,” The IT guy, Key started, “could let us see what she is seeing at the moment. This could give us a live feed what is going on in her mind. I will show you later on.”

Dr. Song continued, “Since there is a newcomer among us. Let me repeat what we know so far. That we started this experiment, thinking that the patients could visit or view their memories as far as their childbirth, to know if something happened in their lives that might triggered bad thoughts such committing crimes, harming people at a great scale. Even an inkling of such thoughts for patients we interviewed who been good throughout their lives is also a key part of this experiment. There are three successful tests before this happened.” She was now bringing up Amber. 

“The past real life events are mixed with dreams, sometimes nightmares that we cannot actually know what is real and what is not.  And worst, it could only be a dream or a nightmare, or an actual event, we cannot determine beforehand, since they are put to sleep, and cannot tell us directly as it happens. The more time they are asleep, the longer the time they are on the drugs we injected them, higher the risk of them having brain damage, that eventually could lead to death. Those were risks and flaws of this experiment as its final stage of approval, Amber pointed out those out to us, before her turn.” 

“This was not even approved yet. And death? You are risking the life of your staff. What kind of organization is this? Amber is like that for four months now--” Henry grew impatient. “Enough with the chitchat. Just make sure Amber will not be harmed in anyway. Guarantee me that, Victoria.”

And Victoria could not even do that. She could not lie to him.

-x- 

“Do you hear that?” Krystal, Amber’s cousin furrowed her eyebrows late one night. 

They were studying for their finals earlier that night. And this was one of the disadvantages of being in a co-ed dorm. And yes, the occupants of the room just beside theirs were pleasing to the eyes - Henry and especially Kai - Krystal pointed out to Amber that the violin practice had to stop. For goodness sake, it was already past 2 AM. 

She sighed then placed her head and also covering her ears under the pillow. 

“Do not be over dramatic over someone playing the violin. It actually makes me concentrate more.” 

Amber’s light from her study table lamp suddenly turned off. Krystal looked at her with a death glare, pulled its plug near her bed.

“You are being childish.” 

“I can be whatever I want if I am not getting enough sleep and going to fail my exams.” Krystal shouted so Henry could hear her. The wall was not that thick anyways. 

The violin sound stopped. “Sorry.”

“You better be, Henry.” 

“Hi, Soojung.” Krystal recognized the said voice. And Amber smirked at her. “You are still beautiful even if you lack sleep.” Kai continued. “Sleep well. And thanks for making him stop.” 

Krystal tried to hide her smile before grabbing her blanket, getting ready to finally sleep. 

Amber was about to get out, her skateboard on one hand when she saw Henry in front of her about to knock. 

“Hey.” Smiling at him. “What’s up?” 

“Ahm. I just want to personally apologized about my violin practice.” 

“I am not the one you want to apologize to.” She made her way outside their dorm room, locking the door. 

“Oh. You did not mind?” 

“You actually sound good.” Amber also mentioned the name of the piece he was practicing.

“You play?” He followed after Amber who was about to walk downstairs for a skate. 

“No. My childhood neighbor used to practice that same song. Day and night.” She hummed the tune. 

The realization finally came to him. “Yiyun.” He could not believe it.

“Xianhua.” 

He went for a vacation to Canada when he was ten and never came back. 

“I preferred to be called Amber.” 

“Henry. You still skate.” 

“Yeah. If I get sleepy in the middle of review, I skate to keep me up. Wanna accompany me?” 

“Sure. I need a break anyways.” 

“Giving a heads up. Keep your violin away from Krystal’s reach. She will break it. She had been planning to do it for the upteenth time.” 

“So is Jongin.” 

They were shushed by the person occupying the room at the ground floor, nearest the main door. They were laughing too much.

-x- 

Henry stared at the screen. Remembering the feeling when they meet again after all those years. Sniffing, tears forming around his eyes.

“So, is this a dream or a mixture of real events and a dream?” Dr. Song hoping he did not interrupt Henry, and said man would answer her inquiry. 

“It is a memory.” His eyes not leaving the screen as he wiped his cheek. 

Her staff, which Amber was one of them before of all of these, the first three who finished the process unharmed, listed down his answer. 

-x-

She was handed the lapel, and was instructed to sat on a white plastic chair. She rested elbows on the table, ready for the questions. 

“How long has it been since you have been here?” 

“Uhm….almost a year ago.” 

“Welcome back.” 

“I am just visiting. And what are these for?” Almost blinded by the spotlights, and cameras were pointed at her. 

“Are you here to see me?” Victoria was like a big sister to Amber.

“I feel like that is something more to your question. But, yes, of course. It has been a while since we talked.” 

Amber sighed as another chair was placed beside her. “I knew it.” 

Tori, as Amber calls her, smiled. “Welcome back.” She greeted the man. 

Hugging Victoria, before sitting down, being handed out another lapel by her assistant who is in all white, which both the visitors found strange. “You have been busy preparing all of these, Victoria. You have been a busy bee.” Testing out the microphone. 

“So how is the travel to here?” 

Henry let Amber speak first as the gentleman that he is. “Quite tiring actually since I have not been sleeping well lately but I am excited to be here so the travel was worth it.” Trying to fix her already messed up hair since they were forced to be filmed. 

“Uhm, okay I guess. I have been running lately. I tried running from the gates to the fifth floor. I have been feeling weak lately.” 

Amber closed her eyes, tightly. When the throbbing of her head stopped, she opened her eyes. 

“You are imagining him again.” The lady on a lab coat said matter of factly. 

“Tori. What are you wearing?” 

“I am Dr. Song, Amber.” 

“Where is Henry? Where is he? He was just right here. Beside me.” Tears forming in her eyes. “I have not seen for quite some time. I miss him.”

“It has been years, Amber.” 

“Ex..excuse me?” 

“Since you stopped imagining him. He is not real.”

“You are just pulling my leg. Come on, you know I do not like that when you do that.” 

“That is the truth.” 

She felt like her head was going to explode. Leaned forward, and placed her head on the table. “You’re lying! Ahhh! Make it stop! Make. It. Stop!” 

“Doc, that’s enough!” Even if he knew the doctor would not listen him, “You are hurting her!” 

“Sir you must calm down. Or you will banned to watch the procedure.” Minho was one of security present during procedures.

Once all the beeping of machines normalized, Doctor Song insisted for her and Henry to stepped out of the room. “It has been a long day. We will try again tomorrow.” 

“Can I at least talk to her?” He turned again to look at Amber. “I know she can hear me.” 

“That could trigger another hallucination. Another attack. I cannot let you do that until she fully stabilizes.” 

The defeat in his eyes was evident. 

“I am sorry, Henry.” 

He was instructed to get some rest. Before leaving, he decided to look at her thru the viewing window one last time that day. And convincing himself once again that his girlfriend was just sleeping. “I am here for you, Amber. Do not let go just yet.” 

-x-

Dr. Song placed a hand on his shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze, as sign of support. That was the least she could do.

He watched Dr. Song write what seemed to be endless observation throughout the hours long session. 

The room fell into panic. He could hear his heartbeat. And he felt like everything and everyone around started moving ever so slowly. He could also hear his heavy breathing as he stared at his now awake girlfriend. Amber just opened her eyes for the first time in 6 months. 

The facility staff and attending physician rushed to her side, making sure Amber would survive. They were unintentionally blocking Henry’s view of Amber.

Henry blinked, going back to reality, finally realizing what was really happening. “No! No! No!! I want to see her! Amber! Amber!” 

The security tried to calm him down. Holding his arms, and pulling him away from the area. 

He still kept on calling her name, crying. He tried to pull away from their grip of his arms, trying to run towards the glass window but the security and nurses caught him. He felt sharp sting on his arm, and started losing consciousness. 

-x- 

When Henry woke up, his wrists are in restraints. “I know upon waking up, you will try to go to Amber. We do not want that to happen.” 

“She’s...dead--” Voice shaking, “--isn’t she?” He was crying. He felt angrier than disappointed. He tried to pull his handcuffs off the metal bars on the side of the bed.

Key approached his bedside, holding a notebook. It was Amber’s. “I want you read it. Everything in this. Okay?” Asking if he was calm down enough to let the security remove his restraints.

Upon seeing Henry nod, he instructed Minho to finally removed the handcuffs. 

“What is written in this?” He was afraid to flip through the pages, of what he was going to find out.

“Everything she found out about the project. And there is a letter for you. The envelope is taped on the back cover. Read the letter afterwards.” 

-x- 

He tried to comprehend what was written and finally got to the point of reading her letter addressed to him.

Henry, 

I love you.

I know by now that you are reading this it means it is my turn for the test and that I could not wake up. 

I have specific instructions to Dr. Song and Key. That is why it is only now that they have given you my notes. Because of next decision and steps that will come after this.

Sorry for making you wait for me to wake up. 

And I also know by now you already heard and read about the end result of this project. Death. 

Well, death is most likely be the end result. As they concluded. But actually there is another option. Less worse than death. Resetting. I was crazy to even include such option. They told me. It was far too dangerously than death. 

Resetting. What I mean by this is that I will be still alive but all my memories. Of you. Of everything in my life. Will be erased. Gone forever. Wiped out. And I will wake up as if I am a new born. I could not speak fluently, even walk. I will be a 25 year old woman but has a mind of a baby. I will relearn everything. Eat. Speak. Walk. Read. Write. It will take years to relearn everything I once knew. And I will not remember you at all. Maybe not remembering my family, especially you is worst case scenario after all. 

I will not burden you with these choices. Neither my parents. And it is my body anyways. My body. My brain. My decision. 

I choose resetting. 

And when they ask you about this letter. Its contents. Do not hesitate to tell them my decision. Please. I trust you with this.

I know this hurts. Everything that is happening hurts you so badly. Trust me. I did not intend for all of this happen to you. I am sorry. Forgive me. 

And if you decide to forget about me after all of this. I will understand. You deserve a lot better than this. Better than me. Way, way better. 

I cannot guarantee that I will remember you somehow. Miraculously remember you, my parents, everyone, everything as if nothing happened. There will be changes. That I guarantee. But at least, you can look at me, hug me even if I get scared and push you away because I have no idea who you are, talk to me even if at first I will just talk gibberish. And hopefully, when everything I know is taught to me again, I will fall in love with you all over again. I know I will because I love so much. Always and forever.

I know it is selfish for me to make you wait. Just wait for it to happen. Wait for me. Please wait for me, Henry. 

Amber

-x- 

He walked towards the room. And knocking at the glass, signalling for Key and Victoria to approach him, and pressed the folded letter at the viewing window, showing them her decision - to reset her brain. He was just too exhausted with everything that was happening. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders in defeat as the curtains were drawn. 

It took them hours.

-x- 

He was there everyday with her parents, who were worried sick even since they heard about the accident, (but Henry decided watching her in that coma state would be devastating for them so he insisted not to come to South Korea that time), to observe her relearn everything again. Her first step, her first word. 

The team estimated the whole learning process would take six years maximum. But Amber was a fast learner, and the process was cut short to just four years and half.  

And finally, Amber was ready to leave the facility, ready to go back home. Her parent went ahead to fix everything back home for her and left Henry behind to assist her. And as if Henry would ever leave her side. Right?

“Excited?” He asked, driving a rented car to her parent’s house

During those four years, Henry and Amber slowly but surely becoming friends all over again. Always there watching her. With occasional exchange of small talks and smiles in between. 

“I heard a lot of stories about home. About my friends who wrote letters to me, who called me, who emailed me, who texted me.” It fascinated her to be finally be updated with such things. “I am also excited to get my driver’s license. I heard I am not that great of a driver. Though confident.” 

“It is partly my fault. I will always insist on driving.” 

“I never heard of that story. Or any stories that involved you and me. I only heard you tell stories that only involved you.” 

“Well, it is my stories to tell, anyways. I really never got the courage to tell you all of it. All of our stories. Our memories together.” 

“We could talk over coffee or better yet, boba. I heard I prefer that more above everything else drink related.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” 

“I could sense you will take weeks before asking me out.” 

“That is the confident and beautiful Amber I know.” 

“Well.” Amber gestured as if flipping her non-existent long hair.