Blood on Canvas by -sputnik-

Genre: Angst, dark, with a side of romance

Characters: Donghae, Hyukjae

Status: Ongoing

Donghae is a extremely talented and world-renowned artist. His art is considered very unique and very, very dark, with dark reds and blacks, jagged edges. It's also quite abstract. 
When his agent tells Donghae that he's required to do a collection that is outside his comfort zone -- a light hearted commentary on everyday life -- Donghae is stuck. He has no experience with that such art and commentary. He paints what he sees. That is it. In his struggles, his agent partners him with an art critique (Eunhyuk) who attempts to help him with his struggles.
In doing so, Donghae discovers why he sees the world the way that he does. His past abuse has a lot to do with the darkness he sees in the world, and maybe this art piece is the key for him to learn to see a little bit more.

The Review

Title (5/5)
There is no clear indication on why the story is titled 'Blood on Canvas' yet (except for the scene where Donghae's blood is literally on the canvas). I just wonder if there's a figurative or deeper meaning behind this title. But considering that Donghae transfers whatever he sees on canvas, surely the art on the canvas represents the world he sees. And how he sees the world is surely related to his experiences and his perspectives. And from the Donghae-painting-blood-on-the-canvas scene itself, it seems that that blood may just be Donghae, and the canvas the world. Him, the worthless guy nobody understands, against the world. That would make the title quite a fitting one for this story. Now, it's too early to tell what the title actually means, but I do hope it would be explored in the story later on.

Other than that, it sets the story's dark mood very well, and readers will be kept wondering why blood is used as brush on a painting this time round. 

Description (9/10)
I usually don't like literal descriptions which describe the situation explicitly, but your description just seems to work. I still think the second sentence is quite unnecessary, but for a story as complicated as yours, I think the rest of the description provides sufficient background information as to what the story will be about without giving too much away. The last three sentences are especially significant in setting up the impression that the readers have of Donghae, and they'll be interested to know about this enigmatic man. I must also say that I love the addition of one of Shakespeare's quotes, which is terribly fitting for Donghae, at least.

Plot (20/25)
When I read the first five chapters, I really thought the plot would be the weakest part of this story, but I think the sixth chapter tied everything up into one nice package. The great contrast between the initial solemn moments, followed by the fluffier moments in the middle and then that seemingly sinister ending, Part 1 has really ended your story on a climatic note, leaving your readers anticipating on what's to come next. Great job!

The setting itself is not unusual. I have read quite a few stories about the lone artist, and everybody else who comes to cheer him up. But what shines (as with all other good stories) is your execution. The opening line of the first chapter is a real catcher, but what is really strange about this premise is that Donghae doesn't consider himself to be an artist. He regards himself as someone who is simply transferring what he sees on canvas. And so, this just makes me question about his definition of an artist; what does he think an artist is? What had happened to him that he now sees the world as he does, and has even gotten used to such a way of viewing the world? There are plenty of other artists who merely paint what they see; does he think they are not artists then? Considering that this story is really all about Donghae's self-discovery and his past, I think the fact that you've managed to get the readers involved and curious with Donghae is already a success on its own. The challenge of him having to a paint a light-hearted art piece will be one that will show him out of his comfort zone, and reveal more depths of his personality, and I really like the fact that through this experience, he'll get to learn more about himself.

The suspense revolving around Donghae's past is probably the major theme of this story, and I'm looking forward to see what message you'll deliver to the readers at the end of the day. Will having a partner like Hyukjae really 'cure' Donghae's anguish and problems, or will it only serve to bring out even more of his negative emotions of being 'worthless'? Ultimately, I just hope that Hyukjae and Donghae's friends will only serve as an aid and encouragement to Donghae, and not be portrayed as the people Donghae can't live without (which is seem to be what most romance stories turn out to be, sadly). Donghae has to be the one who overcomes his own problems himself; no one, not even his friends or lovers, can do that for him. They can only serve as the catalysts to make him realise that earlier himself. Also, just be wary not to impede other characters' development as much as you're focusing on Donghae's journey with his art and himself.

Although it's fine to stick with discovering Donghae as a theme, I think there also needs to be more depth in your message if you want it to be relatable to the readers. Does Donghae represent the many outsiders of the world out there? What do you think they can do to help themselves, and what can others do to help them? Or do they even need help? Thinking questions like these can really guide you in writing a more reflective and relatable story. It shouldn't be just about the main character, but also the people in this whole world. That's what makes angst and dark stories valuable, in my opinion.

Besides that, I think it's quite important for you to strike a balance between suspense and clarity. Right now, the readers don't really know quite a lot of things, like Donghae's reasons behind acting the way he does, or what the jagged edges and shadows mean to Donghae, and that can really make us confused whenever he does something out of the norm. Yes, the story is all about Donghae being an outsider, but that's the same for us, the readers. We're like outsiders to the world of Donghae. The story has to let us into his story for us to be insiders and understand him, or we'll just be extremely confused and lost (like I was during the scene when Donghae just broke down). Part 1 is fine as it is since it's just the introductory phase, but I do think you have to take note of this during the later chapters. You can't drag the suspense out for too long; instead, you have to introduce a slice of Donghae perhaps every few chapters. It's difficult to strike a perfect balance, so you'll have to evaluate which parts to introduce or keep. Foreshadowing is also one method to introduce something bigger without giving too much away, and you can do that as well. If you do need additional feedback on this, feel free to let me know.

Writing Style (18/20)
Your writing style is descriptive and you prefer effectiveness over flowery language, though occasionally you use oxymorons ('organised chaos'). You tend to use short, abrupt sentences and pay attention to emotive details, but during scenes involving art, the way you describe how the colours and brush blend together does successfully create a visual picture in our heads, which works for this story. However, I think you lack details for certain key scenes, like when Siwon confronts Donghae about his lifestyle. When Siwon sees Donghae, how does he feel? As much as Donghae is the integral character of this story, revealing how the other bystanders feel can also bring about different perspectives. You don't have to add emotions for everything, but for scenes that drive Donghae and the other characters' actions, it's important to expand on them sufficiently.

As lovely as your descriptions are, your strength really lies in the dialogue. Firstly, I really love the sarcasm and dry humour you use when it comes to the humour of this story. Rarely do I come across stories that make use of sarcasm as much as yours does (and I have to admit, I'm a big lover of sarcasm), so that's a major charm point of your story. The dialogue is very authentic. I think what especially wowed me is the contrast between Donghae and Hyukjae's first meeting and them gradually getting closer together. There's an obvious sense of formality or strange awkwardness when they first met, but as they get closer, it feels like they've become more comfortable with each other. I don't know how exactly you've managed to accomplish that, but their relationship seems developed and genuine because of that. 

Also, I like how there's a subtle difference between Donghae's dialogue and Kyuhyun's dialogue. Kyuhyun appears more open and a joker, while Donghae is reserved in comparison, despite them sharing similarities in terms of their sense of humour. It helps to set your characters apart with subtle differences like these.

You occasionally make minor grammatical errors. Most of the time, they're not a big issue. Just edit your story and you'll be good to go.

C1: 'his hands move on its own accord' - SVA error. It should be 'theirs' instead.

C1: 'the darkness that creep in' - SVA error. It should be 'creeps' instead.

C2: 'Siwon's voice cuts through Donghae panic like a knife' - Missing an apostrophe. 

During the narration, your sentence structures are relatively dynamic, but there's a lot of dialogue in your story and you use only one type of dialogue structure most of the time. Try to change up the dialogue sentence structure a little, like this: "Donghae says, '...'" or "The wanderer says, '...'" or "'...' says the dubious Donghae". Sometimes, you can even use synonyms of 'say', although that depends on the context of the dialogue.

Characterization (11/15)
Donghae's character is coming along very nicely, but before I can consider him a great character, I'll probably have to know more about his motivations first. I'm sure we'll come to that eventually though. It seems like he's overwhelming with emotions, but the readers don't understand or recognise why exactly yet. I think the part about him not taking pride in his drawings, yet doing it just because other people like them, is quite a relatable aspect of his personality. I'm sure some other people, who are wandering about life lost and with zero passion for anything, feel the same way too. I also really like how you make sure of subtle details (the contrast between Donghae and Hyukjae when it comes to cooking, teaching and reading etc) to reveal the characters' unique traits so that they're more like humans rather than the stereotypes they are given. Donghae also remains in character most of the time, in the sense that even though he's opening up to Siwon and crew, he is still very much reserved and prefers to keep to himself. Which I feel him for, totally. He seems all right so far, but I have a feeling that his personality may come off as 'overbearing' and 'annoying' to some readers, because he prefers to escape from his problems rather than face them. So it's very important that his motivations are revealed in a tactful manner. 

Hyukjae is all right. He has the best intentions, but I really like how there is an element of him being meddlesome. That will stir up conflict between him and Donghae, who pretty much has conflicting values from him, yet it's relatable because there are people who really do want to know how to help but with no real direction on how to do so. It also goes to show that he isn't perfect; he may be a coward, and he may not know what's the best decision to make, but he comes off as an incredibly genuine and earnest person.

I'm surprised Donghae and Hyukjae didn't think about the possibility of Siwon 'setting up their meeting' beforehand, because to me it's quite obvious actually. Other than that, I like how Donghae and Hyukjae didn't start off as the friendliest buddies, but they gradually become closer throughout the course of the story. At the same time, Donghae isn't open enough to share his sob story with Hyukjae, which is understandable considering how he always seems to keep things to himself. I hope you keep up with this pace and that you give the characters some time before they fully open up to each other. When Donghae can't even open up to Siwon fully even after years of knowing him, I highly doubt he'll be fast to open up to a new guy. The thing I find rather unbelievable is the part where Hyukjae willingly moves in with Donghae to change his bandages, even if it's just for a week. Why would he be so kind and open to doing that? I mean, even if Donghae is Siwon's friend, I highly doubt he would be okay with doing that despite knowing Donghae for a few hours. But maybe that's just me.

Donghae and Hyukjae have superb chemistry (tsk tsk at their childishness), but I really cracked up when Kyuhyun and Donghae just casually gang up on Siwon together. They can be great partners-in-crime indeed. Actually, all the characters have great chemistry together; it's just that there isn't significant development of the side characters for us to get to know them as individuals. I'm really curious as to what role Shindong has played in Donghae's life, because there seems to be a greater story behind their relationship.

The care Hyukjae shows Donghae is heartwarming. It kinda regains my hope in humanity knowing that there are still many people out there who are willing to offer a helping hand. I think the bandage element helps to reinforce the fact that people can't do things alone; they have to share the burden with someone else to get things done. I do hope we get to see Donghae and the other characters develop (or maybe regress) as they interact and get to know with one another.

Flow (15/15)
The flow is going really fine; it's not too draggy nor too fast. I think there can be better paragraphing between scenes. Perhaps leave more lines in between the scenes, so that we know it's a scene transition.

Punctuation (9/10)
C5: 'He can't quite make out any discernible features on the man approaching; obscured by the large brimmed hat...' - You shouldn't use a semicolon here since you're not connecting two independent clauses together. Otherwise, the punctuation is fine with some slipups here and there.

Overall: 87/100

Notes

Extremely dark stories aren't excatly my cup of tea because I feel that they can get too melodramatic if they're not handled properly, but your story is off to a good start. Just be sure to keep the momentum up because it's easy for one chapter to ruin all the suspense and tension you had built up from the start. Make sure that the motivations are clearly revealed, and this story will become a masterpiece. Thank you for requesting! I have taken quite some time with this review but I hope the quality makes up for it.

-Taurus