do me a favor by paperdaisy



Criticism Level: 10

Title: 7/10
Originality: I have seen similar and same titles before so it is not a really original title. (0/2)
Relevance: The title is indeed relevant because it all started with Sehun pleading Hanah to do him a favor. (4/4)
Attractiveness: It is not extremely attractive, but it does intrigue me to read and find out what exactly is so special about this favor. (3/4)

Description & Foreword: 9/10
Relevance: I have nothing much to say. (5/5)
Attractiveness: It may have been better if you ended off with a question (e.g. Will Hanah change her life for the better and discover that she ought to get over her obsession with Sehun?) It depends on how you want the story to go, though. Other than that, I am rather interested in reading the story. (4/5)

Setting: 2/5
Relevance: The setting is not very relevant. (2/5)

Characters: 16/20
Originality: I actually have a lot to say about your characters. At first glance, all three main characters seem like stereotypes, but I find that not everyone is what they seem to be. Hanah, in my opinion, is an obsessive and naive girl; willing to deceive a guy that she barely knows for her crush. These types of main characters are rather rare, so Hanah is rather unique. In my opinion, Sehun is more typical but the story is not completed yet so that is just my impression of him for now. Likewise for Luhan, but unlike Sehun, I am sure that there is something more to him. He is definitely not a naive and stupid guy, because if he is, there is no reason why Sehun would plan a revenge on him. (4/5)
Believability: There are such people like Hanah who are pretty obsessive over something or someone, so I can understand her. There may be deeper reasons as to why she loves Sehun so much, and I hope that you will elaborate on that part. I cannot really say for the others since I do not know them very well. I am rather skeptical about Sehun asking Hanah to make Luhan fall in love with her. I know that Sehun is taking advantage of her, but why must he use such a method to get back at Luhan? I am sure that there are better methods than that. (12/15)

Plot: 16/25
Originality: The plot is rather typical for now. (1/5)
Believability: This story is pretty much character-driven so this part is already explained in the Belivability section of Characters. (8/10)
Theme: I think that it is already mentioned in the foreword, but I guess that one of the main themes is that obsession hurts. For Sehun, Hanah is willing to make an unknown guy fall in love with her even though that is not something that she wants. In the end, she will only hurt both Luhan and herself (if Luhan is what he seems to be...) Even though it is kind of obvious that Sehun is using her (I mean, who would ask his best friend to do such a favor? It is not even a favor, actually; it is much more than that.) (7/10)

Flow: 8/10
Consistency: I admit that the scene when Sehun asks the favor happens too fast. I mean, Luhan just transferred, and after knowing that piece of news, he immediately asks his best friend to make Luhan fall in love with her which is quite rash on his part. I understand if you just want to quicken the pace, but I might have thought that Sehun would hesitate for a while before asking. Other than that, the flow is relatively smooth, even though the dating part is a little quick. (But it may be a plan, so I will never know...) (8/10)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 9/10
Grammar: Your grammar is great except with the occasional slips here and there. Here are some examples: "What is the favor that you wanted me to do?" Sehun still wants Hanah to do the favor, so I think that 'wanted' should be in present tense. "And then crush his heart into a million pieces." Between 'then' and 'crush', there should be a comma. (You may want to add 'you will' behind.I feel that it sounds better that way.) "She no longer rushed to check her email after school and began to hang out with classmated more." It is just a typo error, nothing too big. "Oh, yeah. I'm busy with work at the moment, but I'm really craving a bubble tea." Between 'craving' and 'a', there should be a preposition 'for'. Your errors are mostly minor, so maybe a few checks will do the job. (4/5)
Vocabulary: I have nothing to say. (5/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
Enjoyment: I really enjoyed your story, and I will certainly be staying tuned to updates. Maybe due to personal preferences, this story is not one of my most enjoyable stories, but still, I like it so far.

Total: 75/100 // B (+)
Additional comments: This review may not be accurate due to the fact that your story is still uncompleted, and even though only eight chapters are published so far, I think that your story has the potential to be something different from typical high school stories. I cannot wait to see what you have up on your sleeve for Luhan's real personality! I hope that my comments have helped, and feel free to request for another review when your story is completed. Please remember to save your review as a back-up reference and follow all the rules. Thank you for requesting once again!

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