dark ties by nictaeny9



Criticism Level: 8-9

Title: 5/5
I don't think I have seen such a title before so I guess it is pretty unique. I can see how it is relevant to the story yet it does not reveal too much information to the readers. Short and sweet; it catches the eyes of people who love reaidng dark romance. All in all, it is a pretty solid title.

Description & Foreword: 8/10
I like how you give their parents the name "monsters". Just by a simple word replacement, the meaning of the description totally changes. Just wondering; how are they oblivious to each other's pain? Sure, they may not know everything about each other, but I am sure they know that the opposite party is also hurt in a way or another. The characters' introductions are unnecessary since the readers can learn about the characters as they read through the story. The description is slightly long and you can cut down on a few parts (for example, the monster about being human - I think it is quite obvious even without that sentence telling the readers so, but maybe that's my own opinion). Nevertheless, I think people will be quite intrigued and will check out your story. You may want to consider writing a foreword to give your readers' a bit more insight, though.

Characters: 14/20
Regarding the characters, I won't say that they are portrayed really originally, especially with the whole mean parents vs angels part. I do not think that a person can be a total villain, nor can he or she be a total angel. That being said, the parents' treatment towards Tiffany is absolutely horrible. I get that they are upset by Leo and Michelle's death, but why are they blaming it on her? How can they hate her so much that they abuse her physically and emotionally? Do they have not a single redeemable quality? I hope that in this story, you can write more based on the parents' perspective and not just on Tiffany or any other bystander. It is easy to get people to hate on a character, but it'll be brilliant if you can let your readers hate yet sympathize with what the characters have done.
Taeyeon's side is more believable in my opinion; her relationship with her father is more distant than anything. Nevertheless, I still think that he can have more positive points in his personality. Is his mind really just business-oriented? Does he ever care about his daughter, and how does he show it? Even the simplest action matter. He is still a father, and in my opinion, parents will definitely have some feelings towards their children.
I just wonder why Tiffany and Taeyeon are able to warm up with each other so quickly. Yes, they may have a connection with each other, but I still feel that their relationship is moving a bit too fast. Tiffany isn't even able to warm up to Yuri that much. Also, Taeyeon and Tiffany both think that the opposite party is "interesting" and "intriguing", but exactly how "interesting" and "intriguing" that they are both willing to break through their shell when they are with each other? What makes Jessica and Taeyeon go a step further to save Tiffany? They can ignore her like the others, but why do they choose to care? (Jessica, especially). The relationship between the characters can be further developed to become stronger.

Plot: 14/20
The plot isn't totally unbelievable but not exactly realistic either. It is a bit odd for two girls to sleep outside. I am surprised that nobody cares about them sleeping out. Another thing is how Jessica can barge into Tiffany's house without warning. The whole saving Tiffany incident just doesn't make sense to me no matter how rich or influential Jessica/her family is. I hope that other than romance, you can also focus on parent-child relationship since that is linked to the backstories of Tiffany and Taeyeon.
It isn't original; basically, it is the typical plot one sees but at the same time, the readers are still interested to find out more because they want to see what will happen. As with other stories, I feel like there are some themes in this story but they haven't been fully explored. Through this story, what would you like to convey? Is it the power of love? Other than giving the readers Taeny feels, what kind of lesson can the story serve as to the readers? In my opinion, it is important for a story to be meaningful in a way or another as the lesson learnt from the story will stick to one for life. That is just my opinion though, so it is up to you to think about it!

Flow: 3/5
The story goes a bit fast and sometimes, the switch between POVs can be confusing. 

Grammar & Vocabulary: 11/15
Your description sounds somewhat odd. Here is a revised version:
"Two girls that are very different, yet both are similar in many ways. Most people think that monsters aren't humans, maybe because monsters are given the image to be heartless and grotesque. They cannot be more wrong.  Monsters are humans, evil and vile. Both girls lived with monsters for more than half of their lives. Both suffering, both lamenting, both oblivious to each other's pain. Most would choose to give up and run away but these two fought. What happens when fate decides to step in and push them into each other's lives? Will they end up in each other's arms?" - The first sentence is really awkward in phrasing so I've changed the sentence structure slightly. Since 'monsters' are plural, 'humans' should be plural as well. Take note of your tenses as you have the tendency to switch tenses frequently which can be quite distracting. If I have to pick up some major grammatical errors that you make, it'd be tenses and sentence structure.
Do refrain from repeating 'said' and 'asked' too many times. Instead, you can use synonyms which will create variety in your writing.
Try not to emphaisize on the beauty of the characters too much. Once or twice is fine but too many times will make it slightly repetitive and it will also seem unbelievable. You may repeat words sometimes but all in all, you have a relatively large range of vocabulary. 

Description & Emotions: 9/10
I can see that you put in great effort to be descriptive especially with the characters' appearances which is wonderful. More figurative language will help in successfully creating imagery inside your readers' minds. You also try to convey the emotions of the characters through actions and behavior.

Format (Graphics & Layout): 9/10
I like the poster, it is relatively relevant to the story. I don't really like the font (maybe Georgia will be a better fit to your story) but that is just personal preference. The format is a bit messy but there is nothing major that distracts me.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I cannot really get myself to enjoy this story fully maybe because I am more into stories which teach me some life lessons but I think that people (especially Taeny shippers) will love reading this story. The grammar distracts me a little but all in all it is all right.

Total: 76/100 //B (+) 
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