being afflicted by redguitarist



Criticism Level: 10

Title: 10/10
Originality: This is the first time I've seen such a title. so it is definitely original. (2/2)
Relevance: What can I actually say? The title is really relevant to the story since Hyunji is in pain, and she is being afflicted. (4/4)
Attractiveness: The word 'afflicted' is intriguing, and angst fans will certainly want to click the story right away. (4/4)

Description & Foreword: 9/10
Relevance: You actually give a definition for the word 'affliction' which is wonderful. I love it when definitions are given for complex words. You portray afflictions not only as physical pain, but also emotional pain in both the description and in the story. I can't say much about the 'being in love' part since the story hasn't reached to the romance bit yet. (4/5)
Attractiveness: I love the description and foreword and they have fully grabbed my attention. (5/5)

Setting: 3/5
Relevance: I wouldn't say that the school setting is relevant, maybe except for the part about the swimming pool. (3/5)

Characters: 16/20
Originality: I wouldn't say that they are very original. Hyunji is like the mysterious new girl while Jin is the guy that is curious about her. (3/5) Believability: I can't really say much because the reason why Hyunji keeps pushing people away from her is unknown, and the story kinda focuses on that. I really wonder why Jin tries so hard to approach Hyunji because usually, people will just move on with their lives and ignore her. They may have shared a connection with each other. When J-Hope mentions that Hyunji is the girl whom no guy is able to figure out, it is a bit strange. What about girls? Hyunji doesn't seem to have any female friends so far. Is that intentional? All I really know about the characters is that Hyunji is fragile, she has many secrets that she doesn't want to let people know, yet she is clueless about some of them herself. She is a really complex character, but believable and the readers will want to know more about her. The twist at chapter four is surprising because it shows that Jin is bipolar, however, I'm also glad that it happened since some parts of him are now revealed. (13/15)

Plot: 19/25
Originality: I have read stories about the main character having continuous dreams, but still, this story is more original than what I've read so far. I hope that this isn't a typical romance story where the guy helps the girl though. Pain is the reason why Hyunji loves, and I find that unique. (3/5)
Believability: So far, most of the story is about Jin trying to talk to Hyunji and Hyunji persistently running away, and it can get a bit frustrating. I guess that the story is rather believable, but all I have in my mind are questions so I can't say for sure. (9/10) Theme: Stories are always saying that love hurts, but in this story, Hyunji loves because of afflictions. It is still at the earlier chapters so I haven't learnt any themes yet, but from what I've read so far, it is definietly angst and romance. (7/10)

Flow: 10/10
Consistency: I don't know what I should comment about here because the flow is well-paced. The story doesn't rush to the part when people fall in love, and that's wonderful. (10/10)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 8/10
Grammar: Your grammar is relatively fine, however, there are some errors. 'Afflictions.' is one word, and 'These afflictions.' are two words, so I don't think they should have a full stop behind. The only exceptions are for words like 'Why?' and 'What?'. You may want to use italics or replace the full stop with an ellipsis. You also have some minor mistakes which can be fixed easily if you read your story once again. (4/5)
Vocabulary: I notice that 'said' and 'asked' have been used quite a number of times. Other than that, your vocabulary is splendid. (4/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 8/10
Enjoyment: The suspense has hooked me and I will be looking forward to see how the story will turn out. (8/10)

Total: 83/100 //B (+)
Additional comments: I've enjoyed reading your story and I'm anticipating for more updates. Keep it up! Thank you for requesting, and do remember to follow all the rules.

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