we are one - forever by extraordinary13



Criticism Level: 10

Title: 6/10
Originality: It isn't an original title because it has been used for many other stories, especially for those that are about Kris leaving. You can use 'Eternally Together' which pretty much means the same thing. (0/2)
Relevance: Physically, they may not be together but mentally, they will be one forever. It is pretty much the message behind this story, so it's certainly relevant. (4/4)
Attractiveness: EXO and Kris's fans will be sure to read this story since it's obviously about them. I won't say it's the most eye-catching title though; it didn't really stand out when I first saw it. (2/4)

Description & Foreword: 10/10
Relevance: It's from the story itself, so it's relevant. (5/5)
Attractiveness: You left a cliffhanger which makes readers wonder, and that is a great thing. I have nothing else to say because you chose the perfect paragraph from your story as the description. (5/5)

Setting: 5/5
Relevance: The idol setting links to why Kris wants to leave EXO, so I guess it's relevant. (5/5)

Characters: 16/20
Originality: Most of the EXO members' personalities are not distinct as the whole story revolves around Kris leaving EXO. All I know is that the members miss Kris, Kris will miss the members, and SM is the company that treats their idols as slaves. (2/5)
Believability: I can understand why Kris wants to leave EXO, be it in reality or in your story. If he doesn't like how the company treats him, he has the right to leave that company. I can also see why he'll miss the members because they're teammates after all, and it must be a hard decision for him. Maybe I'm just a bit disappointed that SM is labelled as the 'bad guys' once again. I don't know if they are in real life, but I doubt Kris is leaving solely because of SM. There can be other reasons, y'know? Nevertheless, the characters are believable and it's nice to see EXO being supportive to Kris's decision. One thing I don't understand; if EXO doesn't like SM, why would they choose to stay? (14/15)

Plot: 20/25
Originality: When I first read a story with this kind of plot, I found it interesting. Now that everyone is writing similar scenarios, it's getting quite repetitive especially when the scenes are the same. (Kris leaving, the members feeling upset, SM being the evil company.) (3/5)
Believability: The story is realistic as such situations do happen in real life. (10/10)
Theme: As mentioned, I'm glad that EXO is supportive about Kris's decision. Many people do not seem to understand Kris in reality because they think that he is selfish for leaving s behind, and while I don't really know about the real situation, I feel that we should try to think about things using Kris's perspective. Same goes for SM, we don't know about their side of the story either. Anyway, I think the themes in your story aren't something different, but your story is pretty meaningful. Kris starts a new life and feels truthfully happy for himself, and that's wonderful. (7/10)

Flow: 7/10
Consistency: The part with the EXO members are approaching Kris is a bit rushed. Maybe you can say that Kris hears the sound of footsteps in another paragraph. The flow is kinda choppy, especially during time intervals (the next day, when they go to sleep etc.) It's not extremely distracting, however. (7/10)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 5/10
Grammar:
'Quickly wiping up his...' - 'up' should be 'off'. '...burst into a fireworks of anger and grief.' - There shouldn't be 'a' in the sentence.
'...and I'll call or text you every day, is that not enough?' - 'is that not enough?' should be a new sentence by itself in my opinion. There are some errors here and then, but they can be fixed pretty easily. The story stays consistent with the past tense, although it's kinda strange since I imagine it to be in the present.
"His new life has begun." is in present too. If you plan to make the ending take place at the present, shouldn't the other part of the paragraph be in present tense as well? (3/5)
Vocabulary: I can see that you try to avoid repeating the word 'said'. There are still some repetitive words though, so you may want to look up for more synonyms. The story also lacked in emotion. To be honest, I don't really like it when someone expresses one's feelings by saying that he feels happy. Instead, you may want to show his emotions through his actions. If he's happy, you can say that a smile eases on his face. Simple actions like that can bring out the feelings from the characters more. (2/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 6/10
Enjoyment: The story is okay, but the content isn't really new. I feel that the story is rather meaningful though. (6/10)

Total: 75/100 //B (+)
Additional comments: I hope my suggestions have helped! Keep it up. :) Thanks for requesting, and do not forget to follow all the rules.

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