for my future self by clasicoustic-



Criticism Level: 9

Title: 5/5
Your title is not very common; it basically represents a message that the main characters want to give to their future selves. It is relatively relevant and reveals just enough information. The title doesn't really stand out, but I think people who enjoy slice-of-life stories will give this story a try. For me, it is a pretty good title.

Description & Foreword: 8/10
Your description is relevant enough but it is a bit lengthy and doesn't really intrigue me to read the story (mainly because of the question). You can add on information about what he wanted to be back then and maybe you can end with a question asking whether he has achieved his goal. Some of the sentences in your description are repetitive so you can shorten it by removing some of the sentences in the description.

Characters: 16/20
Baekhyun really reminds me of a typical teenager who is addicted to gaming and does not put in the effort to study. He is a pretty relatable character and it is great to see him change for the better, although it'd be nice to see how he had changed as time went by.
The friendship between the friends is heartwarming. There is little to no drama; just a simple story about friends reuniting after being separated for a long time. It is a bit sad but people these days never really look back at the days when they were younger because they are just too busy with life. I still feel that the characters can be developed even more but since this is a one-shot, it is understandable.
There is one thing about Luhan that I find unbelievable and that is his age. I honestly doubt that a teacher would be only two years older than the students he or she is teaching. Even if he is extremely smart, that still does not make sense; the most he will be is a student teacher. He fought with his parents and ran away which makes it even weirder because teachers are supposed to serve as role models to students, and that behaviour is not exactly appropriate. That is just a minor detail though. 

Plot: 14/20
Your story is very simple and predictable but somehow, it still manages to warm people's hearts because it is relatable to our daily lives. Still, people who are looking for a bit more spice may not enjoy the story all that much. The plot is realistic enough and everything makes sense.
I suppose this story is focusing on two subjects; friendship and future. I feel that your story has not fully explored the true meaning of growing up while it has somewhat touched upon the topic about friendship. How did the characters grow and what happened that makes them become better people? What messages do you want to convey through this story? Is it about the beauty of friendship? The messages are not clear but I can get the rough idea.

Flow: 5/5
The POV is 3rd person and it stays consistent throughout, but sometimes the story describes Baekhyun's feelings before jumping to another character's feelings, but this does not mar readability. The story flows relatively well.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 12/15
There are several grammatical errors.
Firstly, "Dear my future self" sounds weird maybe because beside 'Dear', there should be a prnoun or rather, a name. Maybe "Dear Future Self" or "Dear Baekhyun's Future Self" will sound better.
"He misses his high school days when he had a lot time to play and hang out with friends, searching for something new and do what he likes." Be very careful when you use the to-infinitive. "He misses his high school days when he had a lot of time to play and hang out with friends, search for something new and do what he likes to do."
"Well, the last time he doing this was when he moved to this apartment. He needs to prepare a lot of thing. He lives by himself, and there's no one helping him to pack his things. He is now far away with his family, though." - Try not to start with 'he' again if you have already started with 'he'. Your sentences will sound monotonous if so, so try to vary your sentence structure! Do avoid repeating words (in this case, 'things') as well. Also, make sure that your sentences link so that your story will flow better. "Well, the last time he did this was when he moved to this apartment. Now, he needs to prepare a lot of things. Since he lives by himself, there's no one helping him to pack them. Sadly, he is far away from his family."
"His old apartment was not big enough..." - Your story is set in the present, so 'was' should be 'is' since Baekhyun's old apartment still is not big enough. There are some instances when you change tenses as well so do take note.
One of your mistakes is that you use 'persons' instead of 'people'. If I am not wrong, there is no such word as 'persons'. Remember that when you are talking about one human only, he or she is a 'person' and not 'people'. 
Your vocabulary is all right and easy to understand, but perhaps you may want to consider using figurative language more to create imagery.

Description & Emotions: 8/10
You do attempt to describe the actions but you are not being descriptive enough. It is sometimes difficult to imagine the scene that is taking place. A tip is to avoid using vague words like 'good' and be specific.

Format (Graphics & Layout): 10/10
The format is neat and the poster and background are beautiful. The words are readable as well.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
As I have always liked friendship stories, I did enjoy reading this story. However, I do feel that this story has room of improvement to be something even better.

Total: 77/100 //B (+) 
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