FIRST IMPRESSIONS (11/15)

Title: 4/5

My view has differed slightly from the opinion I had on your title the previous review. Like what I said the last time, the title sounds very beautiful and unique which can intrigue readers to read your story. However, I think I see Krystal as the 'summer' in the title now even though it's not explicitly stated. Summer is warm, so Krystal's warmth will infect the surrounding people around her. I'm not sure if that's actually your intention but that's the only possibility I can think of. Nevertheless, even though Krystal's voice is gone (temporarily), I don't really feel that the story is centred around it although it may be a different case in the later chapters, which is why you still get the same percentage for the title.


Description & Foreword: 2/5

Looking back at the description, I think that for the first part which talks about the Little Mermaid and the Daughter of Evil, you can link it back to the story at the end. While it may appeal to Little Mermaid and Daughter of Evil fans, you also have to take in regard that not everyone is a fan of these two stories and that some people may also think that your story actually revolves around them (which is certainly not the case). 

The hes and shes in the foreword can get a bit confusing since they can refer to different people. I'd suggest that you focus on two specific main characters. The foreword also reveals a bit too much about the story so you may want to decrease the amount of information in it. Nevertheless, it's interesting and relevant.

Format (Graphics & Layout): 5/5

Your poster is extremely gorgeous; there's also a certain royal aura given off which fits with the story. The layout is presentable as well.


WRITING STYLE (18/25)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 6/10

The tense is pretty inconsistent, especially in the description and prologue. Do try to stick to one tense since tense inconsistency can be pretty distracting. You also have the tendency to miss out commas in certain parts of a sentence so be aware of that as well.

Overall, there are some extremely glaring mistakes as well as awkward sentence structures. Some mistakes, in fact, can be easily spotted if you proofread your story thoroughly, so I'd suggest that you look over your story again. One way to fix your sentence structures is to read them aloud and see if they flow (of course, you can't possibly read all of them aloud but you can read the ones that sound more complicated). Afterwards, you can then reword them to make them sound better.

italics - missing words/punctuation. bold - spelling/grammatical errors. underlined - fragments/sentence structures. strikethrough - unnecessary words/punctuation.

Chapter 3: "Suddenly, her thoughts were disturbed by the sound of the doors creaking open." - There is a pause after 'suddenly' so there should be a comma placed there. I don't think 'the' is really necessary since it sounds quite awkwardly placed in the sentence, but it's up to you if you want to leave it there or not.

Chapter 3: "The corner of his lips lifted a bit; showing a weak smile to Jiyong and said, 'It's amazing how the almost look the same,'." - The use of semicolon is inappropriate here since it is meant to connect two independent clauses together. Also, 'almost look the same' sounds somewhat awkward so maybe it'd be better if you write it as 'look so similiar' instead. Lastly, the proper punctuation for the ending part of the dialogue should be a fullstop and a quotation mark after it. "The corner of his lips lifted a bit; he showed a weak smile to Jiyong and said, 'It's amazing how they look so similiar.'"

Chapter 4: "'I'm sorry for saying it as a joke,' Jiyong said, thought that Krystal was angry at him because he lied." - The second part of the sentence doesn't flow well with the first. "'I'm sorry for saying it as a joke,' Jiyong said, thinking that Krystal would be angry at him because of his lie."

Chapter 11: "She couldn't wait to hear the respond." - 'response' is the correct word form.

Chapter 11: "The maid was wrong to lift her face, her eyes met the wicked queen's unwelcoming stare, her evil look haunted her and she did not know if she could ever forget the cold tone the queen used." - This whole sentence is quite disconnected and since there are many parts of the sentence, you can actually separate one part to form another sentence. "The maid was wrong to lift her face; her eyes met the wicked queen's unwelcoming stare which evil look haunted her. She did not know if she could ever forget the cold tone that the queen used afterwards."

There were several repetitive sentence structures; you tend to continuously start a sentence with a pronoun, so it can sound a bit monotonous. I feel that some of the words are not really appropriate for the context, for instance, 'her heart was pierced into two'. The meaning of 'pierce' is 'go into', so it wouldn't sound right if 'her heart was go into into two.' Perhaps 'shattered' would be a better word. Nevertheless, there is a wide range of words being used so I'll certainly give you credit for that.

Writing Style: 12/15

Your attempts at using figurative language are mostly successful as they would help the readers to visualize the various scenes in the story.

I feel that rather than 'showing', however, you would 'tell' the story to the readers sometimes, especially when you're trying to depict the emotions of the characters. For instance, in Chapter 6, "The queen's hand were on his, it made her felt anger and resent to the queen. She didn't know what feeling it was, she felt uncomfortable." How did Krystal show her anger, then? Did she clench her fists tightly or bite her lip? Simple details would really show the reader the kind of personalities that your characters have. Maybe due to a slight lack of details, I don't really feel the emotions coming out from the characters.

Your writing style is relatively sophiscated which fits the story quite well (since it is set in a royal setting after all).  


DIGGING DEEPER (32/55)

Characters: 13/25

My observation of Krystal remains unchanged; she's described as kind-hearted and it doesn't seem like she has any flaws which makes her a rather unrealistic character, especially when she appears to have "the magical power of changing people" (e.g. Jiyong and Dara). There are certain times when she shows negative emotions but they usually pass, and eventually, she relapses into a kind and considerate state (I mean, even when Jiyong tells her that he must be with Dara, all she thinks about is how kind Jiyong is. It doesn't really make sense that way).

Krystal enjoys freedom like some typical main characters do, but again, it's never really emphasised on thus far. Honestly, I don't really like her, but you have plenty of time to develop her and change my mind through your writing., so don't worry too much about it!

Jiyong, as a prince, isn't remarkable in any way. His public image is apparently the cold prince, but it isn't very evident through his actions. His backstory about his parents and sister's death isn't elaborated as well. Rather, he appears to be perfect like the typical prince.

Like I mentioned in the previous review, I feel that Jiyong's love to Krystal is progressing a bit too fast. It's not really clear whether their relationship started out due to Krystal's resemblance with Jimin and when exactly did Jiyong truly fall in love with Krystal, but nevertheless, there isn't much substance in between that make Jiyong wants to care and love Krystal. After all, a really cold person like Jiyong wouldn't suddenly change after seeing Krystal. It requires time and effort (from Krystal's part, especially) even if she does resemble Jimin a lot.

Jessica's image does appear pretty elegant and sophiscated, but at the same time, she also loves Krystal and values Krystal's life over herself. I kinda admire her, actually. She is contented with being isolated from others, but she also masters the power of controlling her own powers (well, that rhymes). For a side character, she's rather interesting and I hope to know more about her!

Seunggi is... wow. I thought he was a plain nice guy at first, but then, I noticed the scene at Chapter Four and my idea of him changed. There's definitely something between Jiwon and him and I don't think they departed in good terms. I really wonder about his real personality. so I'm anticipating his future appearances in the story.

There's a lot of mentioning of Jiwon's evilness but the only time I witness it is in Chapter 11. The side of her loving Seunggi stood out first and it already showed her fragile self before I could feel the impact of her wickedness. I don't know if that's your intention but if that is, then I guess it's great. I do wonder what has shaped her evil nature, however.

I guess that Jinwoo is the human boy that Krystal saved, and it certainly feels like she has a deeper connection with him than with Jiyong. Still, their relationship isn't very developed; I feel for Jiwon and Jinwoo stronger than Jinwoo and Krystal. 

Dara reminds me of a cheerful girl with some hidden problems, and I think you've expressed her insecurity that she feels when she's around Jiyong well enough. At the same time, she also doesn't bear hatred for Krystal which is a refreshing point (Most antagonists do, unfortunately).

There's many characters so it's somewhat hard for me to judge but I think that in average, the characters are somewhat believable. We are able to understand the characters' actions and thoughts, and the characters also show different sides to them. Unfortunately, this happens more for the side characters which isn't exactly helpful if you want your story focused on two specific main characters, so some work can be done to make your main characters more relatable.

Portrayal-wise, everyone's personalities are quite common but then again, humans do fall into stereotypes sometimes. Most importantly, I think that most of the characters have, in fact, developed to become more than just the stereotypes, but there's still a lot of area of improvement. You can think about how you want your characters to affect your readers, and hopefully that'll help you to decide how you want to shape your characters further.

There's not much development at the beginning but the readers know about Jessica's change over the years, and Krystal's feelings also change as some situations happen. Still, I don't have much to say for this aspect.

Plot: 14/25

As mentioned in the previous review, the plot isn't really original especially since this story is based on two other stories, so there will certainly be some overlapping ideas. There's this "forbidden love" concept going on which I hope will be executed realistically since there's so many stories about this concept, therefore, it's better if your story stand out from this crowd of fanfics. 

The plot is realistic so far so it's an a-ok for the realism aspect.

Theme-wise, I'm still not sure what you want to convey through this story. Is it the experience of freedom or is it the focus more on Jinwoo and Krystal's relationship? You don't have to rush on this part, however; you can think about it first and go with the flow in the later parts of the story.

Flow: 5/5
The flow is fairly well-paced. I wonder how Krystal suddenly disappeared, though; that was a bit unexpected for me. 

FINALLY (2/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
As much as it seems that the negative outweigh the positive, I think that your story has a number of positive aspects as well. Like I mentioned, the fantasy part is really thrilling and I can't wait to see how the Guardians and Elves will play out in the story (in fact, Yoona is an elf).

TOTAL: 63/100 (C)

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: In contrast with the scores, I think you've improved; however, I guess I've become a lot stricter with reviews now. Anyway, I hope my advice has been helpful in a way or another! Thanks for requesting and please do not forget to follow all the rules!