acatalepsy by ambizzbo



Criticism Level: 10

Title: 5/5
Certainly a one-of-a-kind and memorable title considering the fact that it isn't commonly used in our daily lives. The title does make the readers wonder about its meaning and in turn, hook them into the story. After searching up the definition, I can see how it actually relates to the story. All in all, it's the perfect title for your story, but I suggest you to add the definition in your description (it's not a huge thing, though).

Description & Foreword: 10/10
Although the content isn't anything remarkable, I think the way it is written is beautiful and allow the readers to feel what Jaejoong is feeling, hence making them connect with him emotionally. The description fits perfectly with the emotions Jaejoong is feeling throughout the story. 
The foreword, on the other hand, reveals just enough information to keep the readers interested. Words like 'guilt' and the additional mention of a 'she' can evoke questions from the readers. Besides, it is also relevant to the story. An amazing job done for the first impressions.

Characters: 10/20
Jaejoong is the main character that the readers will probably sympathize with the most considering that we see the story in his POV. I may have felt sympathy for him if it's not for the lack of development between Jaejoong and Yunho's relationship. In the story, Jaejoong dreams of Yunho coming back, them saying how much they love each other and showing physical ways of their love. In the flashbacks, it is also seen that Jaejoong felt really empty when Yunho left him. However, why is it that Jaejoong loves Yunho? In fact, is his feeling towards him love or obsession? The reason why I would like to ask this question is mainly due to the ending.
Personally, I think it would be more touching if Jaejoong has decided to accept that Yunho is gone, and on a more positive note, Yunho is gone for his happiness. I believe your story is meant to portray the meaning of true love, so if Jaejoong truly loves Yunho, he would be happy if Yunho is happy. When he looks at the photograph, maybe instead of thinking about his negative feelings, he would be reminiscing the beautiful memories that he once shared with Yunho and smile, because he knows Yunho is happy and that's all he wishes for. However, the ending shows more obsession than love and throughout the whole story, in fact. Notice that it's mostly about I, not him. Therefore, it's debatable whether Jaejoong truly loves Yunho or not.
I can't say much about Yunho, but I wonder why he left Jaejoong at the first place (the reason is not explained). Also, if I'm not wrong, Jaejoong and Yunho happened before Yunho and his girlfriend, yes?
All in all, the story is really centered around Jaejoong's love/obsession for Yunho so the characters' personalities are not fully explored. There's not much development, be it in their personalities or relationship. Believability-wise, it's a bit hard for me to judge but I do think that the characters are realistic though the reason of Yunho's departure isn't explained in detail. Lastly, the portrayal of characters are pretty typical, hence, there is indeed area for improvement.

Plot: 10/20
Personally, I feel that a lot of details regarding Jaejoong and Yunho's relationship are missing. How did they meet? When did Jaejoong realize that he loved Yunho? These are the questions that have been surfacing my mind as I read the story, and hence, I was unable to relate to Jaejoong despite how well you have conveyed his emotions through the story. Yes, I can see that he is in despair, but I can't really understand the reason why he loves Yunho so much. 
Portrayal-wise, I don't think this story is entirely original but I'm glad it doesn't end with Yunho miraculously coming back to Jaejoong (it's angst, anyway). I like how the first part of the story isn't real, but as mentioned, it would be better if there's some relationship development beforehand. The plot is also realistic.
I don't think there's anything special or meaningful with the themes, though your story does say something about love. I think it does reflect on the issue of love to an extent.

Flow: 5/5
The story flows in a well-paced manner. Other than that, the POV also remains consistent throughout.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 13/15
Your grammar is spectacular with little to no error. Most of your errors can be easily fixed with a quick edit. 
italics - missing words/punctuation. bold - spelling/grammatical errors. underlined - fragments/sentence structures. strikethrough - unnecessary words/punctuation.
Foreword: "We loved like spring when mother nature was pregnant and abundant."
Chapter One: "I slipped out the card inside and opened it." - The sentence sounds a bit odd when phrased this way. "The card inside is slipped out of its envelope. Then, I opened it."
You have a slight tendency to create sentence fragments and below are some examples.
Chapter One: "If only it was blood. Then it would end." - "It would end if only it was blood..."
Sentence structures can be repetitive sometimes. A wide range of words are used.

Description & Emotions: 10/10
Your story is very descriptive with figurative language used appropriately to create vivid images in the readers' minds. This makes the story alive and living. It is written beautifully throughout with the actions and facial on point. You definitely have a way to manipulate words how you please. If I have to nitpick, I'd say that the appearances of the building and characters need more work. For instance, Jaejoong is described to be beautiful. How is he beautiful? Afterwards, when Yunho left, how did he turn into a nightmare? Perhaps Yunho took away the light that Jaejoong radiated with him when he left, for instance.

Format (Graphics & Layout): 10/10
The format is relatively neat though the font size is a bit too small for my liking. Nevertheless, the story is set-up in a very organized manner.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
I didn't enjoy this story as much as I wished to, unfortunately. I guess I just can't find myself relating to Jaejoong, but your style of writing this story is impressive.

Total: 75/100 //B (+) 
Your strength definitely lies in descriptive writing, and if you improve on your characterization and plot, I'm sure your story will be even better. Thanks for requesting and please do remember to follow the rules!

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