we got a baby! by saki1017



Criticism Level: 9-10

Title: 2/5
When I first saw the title, I thought that a couple literally had/adopted a baby and I didn't think too deeply in it. Some people may recognize that the title is a mix between "We Got Married" and "Hello Baby" but some people like me may not. The title has pretty much revealed the basic plot of the story. Definitely relevant and rather original (if it's not for the fact that it's two names mixed into one) but for me, I don't find it attractive. Hello Baby and We Got Married's fans may check it out though.
Note: I don't think there is a need to capitalize the title and it can be seen as being unprofessional.

Description & Foreword: 9/10
The sentence in the description is not necessary; the allkpop article will do enough to attract readers. I've only seen the allkpop layout being used in applyfics but it is interesting to see it being used in a story although the article itself is lengthy. Very relevant and reveals enough information to get the interest of the readers, the article can hook your readers' attention. Personally, I don't think the character introductions are necessary either as they can be introduced in the story.

Characters: 15/20
The characters are not really original with Taekwoon being the introverted person and Jimin being the one who breaks down his walls. Nevertheless, I love their interactions and the development of their relationship is gradual, not sudden, which is certainly a plus point.
Let's start with the quiet guy Taekwoon! Well, I personally like him but honestly, I don't think he has many character flaws (I won't count him being an introvert as one). He can cook, gives off a fatherly aura and seems cold but is truly caring deep inside. What are his weaknesses then?
I do think that Jimin is slightly more developed than Taekwoon. She is childish, cheerful and lazy when it comes to packing (like me). If she has some more flaws like Taekwoon, it'd be great. Although your story is centered around fluff, I would love it if a small misunderstanding occurs between the two due to clashes in their personalities. It can add to the realism of your story.
I can understand why Choeun reacts as such and in fact, I'd find it slightly odd if she likes both Jimin and Taekwoon instantly. I don't think a child is accustomed to having another pair of parents suddenly and he or she will have to take time to like both of them. 
A thing that bothers me is how the characters behave the same on and off camera. Of course, I don't think they will behave entirely different from their on camera personas in reality but there should be some significant differences.  

Plot: 12/20
The plot isn't the most unique but it is still quite enjoyable nonetheless. (Most of the story is driven by character interactions so I cannot say anything much). Seems like a scandal will be arising soon (and of course, drama) but I don't think there will be any problem with it considering that there are a number of shippers of the Taekwoon and Jimin couple. At most parts, the story is realistic but as I've mentioned, I doubt that the characters act the same way as they do on camera and off camera. The scene with Taekwoon buying wedding rings from an expensive brand is a bit odd though. Why would Taekwoon buy such expensive rings for a virtual marriage?
I haven't identified any themes yet but I do think that some will be related to parent and child relationship. This story can provide an insight to the life of parenthood and the struggles of taking care of a child. 

Flow: 4/5
I like the flow although there are times when I feel that there are some scenes that drag on for too long. However, the pace right now is fine (you may want to quicken some parts a little bit) and I love how the relationship of Jimin and Taekwoon develops slowly. The POV stays consistent as 3rd POV.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 12/15
Your story is relatively free from grammatical errors. There are, however, some awkward sentence structures.
"How come you fussed over the car..." - "Why did you fuss over the car..."
"You're not going to die." - This sounds like a sentence that a male main character would say a female main character is found to have diagnosed an illness. "You won't die." would be more appropriate.
"...to see the amount of things their fans had given them already and by the looks of it, it didn't seem like it was going to end at all." - What is 'it'? Perhaps 'it' refers to 'the pile of items'?
Sometimes you will switch to present tense unconsciously so be careful.
"...it doesn't take away the fact that she was going..."
Most of the words you use are quite simple (which may not necessarily be bad). While your readers can better understand your story, I feel that some of the words used are not specific enough. For example, "They were on a stage where they could tease each other openly - that was definitely a good thing for them." How is that good to them? Other than that, you may want to vary your sentence structure more to avoid creating a monotonous effect on your writing. There are some issues of repetitive words.

Description & Emotions: 6/10
You are careful to pick out details of the characters' behavior and actions. However, as mentioned, some of the words you use do not fully convey the emotion that you want to express. Try not to type out irrelevant details; just focus on a few and expand on them. Using figurative language will help you in creating imagery and using the five senses will allow your writing to seem more interesting and realistic. Emotion-wise, us readers do know how the characters feel, but we mostly grasp a basic concept of their feelings (e.g. happy, excited, angry).

Format (Graphics & Layout): 9/10
The poster and background are absolutely beautiful and relevant to the story. The format is quite neat but I don't really think that the font fits with the story. Like I've mentioned before, the allkpop layout in the foreword is a great idea. 

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
Since I tend to like fluff more I've found myself enjoying this story, especially with how the relationship grows. There are some aspects that have disturbed me slightly, however, but all in all, the story is quite well-written.

Total: 72/100 //C (=) 
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