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FIRST IMPRESSIONS



FIRST IMPRESSION (13/15)

Title: 4/5

First impression-wise, I did not really have a clear idea on what the story would be like, but I was indeed curious about the characters (because impressions automatically link with characters). Due to its vague and meaningful nature, I thought it was quite an intriguing title although it was not a title that would immediately "wow" readers at first glance.

After reading the story, my first thought was: How is this title connected to the story itself? Sure, there are a few mentions about 'everlasting impressions' in the story, but I feel like there is not really a close connection. Perhaps, there can be a more obvious association with the title and the story. Nevertheless, I do think that the title is significant and rings true. Impressions are everlasting; when people first see Hana, they think she is a fragile doll that is easily breakable (even Sehun for quite a long period of time) but inside her, she does have the bravery and courage to do what she wants. That applies for many of the other characters (especially Kangjoon) and this does relate back to the theme of the story.

All in all, it is a purposeful title, though I thought that perhaps Deceptive Impressions may be a better fit (since the characters reveal to be unlike who they seem to be). There is more impact, but I guess compared to the current title, it does give a bigger hint on what the story will be like.

Description & Foreword: 4/5

The description kinda confused me, because I thought the Oh siblings would be the main stars of this story, but apparently, it seems that every character here is a star in his or her own way. Therefore, instead of writing the description in a way where the focus is directed onto these two siblings, perhaps you can refer to all students in the school, or even everyone in the world (since everyone does take part in the game of impressions after all). Another thing I would like to point out is how the second sentence does not link to the third sentence.

First impression-wise, I especially love the second part of the description not only because it does ring true in this story (and in life), but also because it promotes the story in a unique manner. The questions in the end would have piqued the curiosity of the readers and encourage them to find out more by reading the story. At the same time, not much information about the actual plot has been revealed, and thus, your description has indeed fulfilled its role, which is to grab attention.

Other than that, it is also relevant to the story although like I mentioned, it places a bit too much emphasis on the Oh siblings. Regardless, it is still a wonderful description.

Format (Graphics & Layout): 5/5

I do not have much problems with the appearance though I am curious about how you have chosen the characters who are to be placed in the poster since literally everyone is important here (Hana, Tao, Sehun and Seryung are evidently the main four regardless). 


WRITING STYLE (24/25)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 9/10

italics - missing words/punctuation. bold - spelling/grammatical errors. underlined - fragments/sentence structures. strikethrough - unnecessary words/punctuation.

There are some instances where your sentences become run-on sentences, so do be wary of that since it can be distracting to the readers. While there are some minor errors here and there, I think for such a long story, the grammar is considered relatively good. Most of your major mistakes lie in sentence structures which are not as obvious.

Chapter 1: "Coolly he replaced his chopsticks beside his bowl and stared into it not seeing anything but trying to cognize what had just happened." - "Coolly, he placed his chopsticks beside his bowl and stared into them. He was not seeing anything, however. Instead, he was trying to cognize what had just happened." 'replaced' may not be an appropriate word for the original sentence so I figure you may mean 'placed' instead. The second part of the sentence sounds odd, therefore, I decide to split it up into separate sentences. Perhaps, in future, you can consider writing sentences that are smaller in length so that you can avoid making mistakes.

Chapter 1: "It didn't hurt of course, Sehun wouldn't hurt his sister regardless of how much she irked him, but that never stopped her from over reacting." - "It didn't hurt, of course; Sehun wouldn't hurt his sister regardless of how much she irked him, but that never stopped her from overreacting."

Chapter 3: "All those years she had tried being invisible, being average and keeping out of people's eyes. Yet they all knew her!" - "All those years she had tried to be invisible, average and out of people's eyes were now all to waste now that they knew her!" The original sentence sounds a bit odd and 'being' can be a little repetitive.

Chapter 7: "The students would only make things worse, they wanted to see the wangta's break, cry, beg and lose themselves." - "The students would only make things worse; they wanted to see the wangta break, cry, beg and lose herself."

Chapter 17: "Seryung clicked her tongue, her thoughts were brought to an abrupt halt as an owl flew in front of her vision, she gasped and screamed, stumbling backwards, she tripped and landed on her rear." - "Seryung clicked her tongue; her thoughts were brought to an abrupt halt when an owl flew in front of her vision. She gasped and screamed; stumbling backwards, she tripped and landed on her rear.

You use a wide range of words sentence structures, hence, there is little repetition (and even when there is, it is used appropriately) which makes your writing pleasant to read. I especially love the choice of words you use as they make your story sound very sophiscated.

Writing Style: 15/15

Your writing style is very refined due to the way you dictate your sentences. Not only that, the characters have their own distinctive speaking manner; Kangjun, being the president's son, does have a sophiscated voice to him while Seryung's is more friendly and casual, which suits her impression. Other than that, the angels-speak is confusing but at the same time, their words habour meaning to them. That is pretty amazing, I must say.

The way you describe certain things is rarely ever direct; it is like painting a picture and allow the readers to imagine how certain scenes are like or how certain characters behave. There is a balance of telling and showing which enables the readers to have a full grasp on the characters' personalities and their feelings, thus, they are able to understand them better.

Basically, this is a job well done. The tone adjusts accordingly to the situations to set the suitable atmospheres it needs to. I do not have many complaints, really.


DIGGING DEEPER (44/55)

Characters: 20/25

This is going to be a rambling session for me especially since there are so many characters in this story. Well, here goes, and I will start with the impressionable cold guy.

My opinion towards Oh Sehun is, well, neutral. I feel like he has not broken out of the stereotype for me, although I did see how he had grown after he sacrificed his future for Hana. Maybe that is due to the fact that his backstory reminds me of a character from a Chinese historical show I had watched, which I will explain now. Why is it that Sehun loved Raemi so much that she became such a significant person to him even when she clearly did not reciprocate his feelings? That is what I thought from the start to the end of the story, and I think this is why: To him, she was this perfect, understanding person, and after she died, this image remained especially strong because she would never have the chance to make mistakes or ruin this flawless image he has for her.

I have no idea if that is your intention because Raemi became pretty much non-existent after Sehun and Hana dated, but it is still linked to your theme: impressions. Nobody can ever beat Raemi because she is already dead. However, the more one thinks about it, Raemi has caused a lot of trouble for Sehun, Seryung and even Hana. Hence, my view towards her is slightly on the negative side, and while I understand Sehun, I do not feel sympathy towards him.

Anyway, moving on from there, I thought Sehun's first action was despicable (still is) but I notice how he has regretted his behaviour and even starts to help Hana although he can risk his life in school. That is rather admirable in my opinion. Of course, Sehun is no angel; he judged Hana right off the bat and did some stupid stuff (The one I absolutely find ridiculous is when he blamed Seryung for trying to make Hana act like Raemi entirely yet he viewed Hana as the victim, although he did give her the cold shoulder for the while. However, his treatment towards Seryung was worse which I cannot understand why. Is it because he trusted Seryung so much to the point that the impact of the betrayal was way larger?) but he has learnt and changed for the better.

I especially like how he changes depending on the events that occur and I guess that is how humans are like. Most of the time, they do not stick to just one personality, but instead, they adapt to situations and circumstances. Also, I really think he can behave like a child sometimes even though he acts so mature on the outside (then again, perhaps there is childishness in everyone no matter how mature he or she seems to be). Some of his actions are questionable but I do understand and even relate to him most of the time.

Now, I shall talk about Sehun's very beloved Kim Hana. At first glance, I really hated her because she gave me that Mary Sue vibe and she seems like she just cannot do things herself. I guess I fell into the trap of impressions because she slowly proved me wrong. From a timid and shy girl, she has gradually become an independent woman. I am glad to see that she, herself, hates to be protected because it shows that she has a mind of her own as well, not a puppet that just follows whatever everyone else is doing.

While I know that Hana is a pretty nice girl, she is also someone with hidden fears and weaknesses. She strives to make everyone happy, but it is impossible with her parents' standards and she is either going to make herself miserable by trying or get scolded by her parents all day for doing nothing. Either way, she loses. In contrast to her, a perfect guy by the name of Sehun appeared and was engaged to her. Therefore, she was infatuated and began to do everything she can to be someone he liked. That act really shows her desperation for love.

I do have qualms on certain things, however. The scene where Sehun chided Hana and Seryung due to Raemi is probably the one that nerves me the most in this story. Why is it that Hana had never spoke up for Seryung? Figures, she was still her timid self, but I thought it would be a breakthrough for her if she actually defended Seryung considering that they were friends and both of them were equally at fault. That made my admiration for Hana drop a little. Other than that, I feel that Hana's character can be a bit inconsistent because sometimes, she can go from this innocent girl who forgave and even fell in love with Sehun even when he initiated the whole bullying fiasco to this scheming girl (I do not exactly remember where in the story, but there are some instances where I thought Hana was being somewhat sly). Also, I find it odd that she liked it when Sehun had this 180 degree personality change when he was controlled by Jinsung. Perhaps she may like that kind of thing but since it is a real life situation, it would make more sense if she noticed how dangerous Sehun was being.

All in all, I think my opinion has changed most drastically for Hana. Consistency is the problem as well as believability to some extent, but the portrayal is brilliant. Just a special mention of SeHana's relationship: I find it funny that they take turns being the mature one and dorky one. It makes their relationship more balanced than typical ones where the two people involved are given roles. I was neutral about the couple at first but as the story progresses, I find myself enjoying their little moments together.

Moving on to Sehun's sister, Oh Seryung, I think Seryung is a character that I like consistently maybe because my sympathy goes out to her. She is like the opposite of Hana; she may seem tough, but inside her, she is breaking. Unlike her brother, she tries to befriend other people to create this friendly image of her, but alas, all the very people who claimed to admire and love her before turned their backs against her. That part when Seryung became a wangta made me see how cruel people can be at times.

Unlike her facade, she is nowhere perfect. Like most characters in this story, she makes horrible mistakes and can be insensitive at times towards other people. However, like Sehun, she learns and grows from these incidents and inside her, she does have kind intentions. The part where it is revealed that Seryung stood by when she saw Miyoung getting bullied surprised me, although I was not that shocked about it. It seems that Seryung may act confident and tough, but her inner personality is the opposite of that. However, it shows that she has learnt from that incident seeing how she helped Hana even though there was a risk of her turning into a wangta too. 

Of course, some parts of her character do frustrate me. She and Tao are extremely alike, which is not necessarily a good thing considering that they have the same weaknesses (both have the act-tough attitude  and are incredibly stubborn). I was surprised when she turned to Kangjoon for help (more like used him), but I guess she felt really helpless at that time and instead of confronting the issue, she decided to run away. That is human nature.

One thing for sure is, she is a developed, believable and unique character. SeTao or TaoRyung (I'll just go with TaoRyung since SeTao keeps reminding me of Sehun and Tao, although SeHana does not remind me of Seryung and Hana for some odd reason) is an adorable frenemy relationship. They are the opposite of SeHana (Sehun pushes, Hana pulls, they attract but have different personalities, Tao pushes, Seryung pushes, they repel but have similiar personalities. Funny, really). Like I mentioned, both of them are stubborn which makes their moments frustrating and adorable to watch at the same time.

Speaking about Tao, I feel like he is incredibly alike Seryung (as mentioned) and he has a backstory like Sehun, but instead it happens to his older brother. I guess the effect of it happening to a loved one is especially impactful because he had already seen the pain his loved one went through, and therefore, his dislike towards love became incredibly strong. He also has low self-esteem and only Wushu makes him feel better.

He tries to think logically but unfortunately, he is an emotional, rash person, and like what you said in the author notes, perhaps it is for the better that he does what he wants for once. Like Seryung, he does have a compassionate heart (towards MAMA, Hana and Seryung). Indeed, he is believable and well developed, although I see similiar personalities for the Tao characters in other fanfics (like Sehun) so it becomes a bit too predictable.

Time to talk about the Sinister, Seo Kangjun! He is another deceitful guy who had me fooled. At first, while I thought he was fishy, he did seem nice and I sympathised with his family background story. His seeming love for Seryung was commendable to me too, although I was kinda skeptical because he appeared too good to be true. Well, I was right; he turned out to be Sinister. 

I was surprised to know that he shared a story with Miyoung, but their relationship is not  very elaborated upon. How was Miyoung so significant to him that she became his sole purpose to commit all the evil deeds he had done? From manipulating Jinsung to control Hana and Sehun to playing with Seryung, he definitely must have cared for Miyoung a lot. Another thing I am wondering is how he and Seryung are able to see ghosts while Sehun is able to sense them. Why are these three so special that they are granted the abilities to detect ghosts, yet others are not?

The name 'Sinister' actually gives me a feeling that the person is menacing and sinful, and that he has extreme powers of some sort. However, Kangjun unexpectedly does have a purpose to his actions (that is not really due to his selfishness) and I do sympathise with him to some extent. There is also no mention that he has other powers so I guess he is just powerful in terms of money. His death sounds tragic, but I suppose he just wants to find Miyoung in the afterlife since nothing in Earth has meaning to him anymore. He may be a jerk, but my heart does go out to him and he is certainly not a typical 'bad guy' character.

Miyoung, on the other hand, reminds me of Seryung when it comes to her personality. She is indeed a lovable character. Her death is upsetting though, which really reminds the readers how lethal bullying can be. There are some things that do not make sense, however. Firstly, apparently according to Kyungsoo he spared Miyoung's 'life' (since she technically does not have one). However, I do wonder why she disappeared for a relatively long period of time. Not only that, she came back with a state of mind that did not blame Seryung for anything that she had done which was weird considering how vengeful she was before. (It was as if her wanting revenge never happened at all). Secondly, it was strange how Miyoung at the beginning did not show contempt to Seryung at all and in fact, she treated Seryung like she was her best friend. Was it because she did not remember the sins Seryung committed?

Kai is the typical friendly guy that gave me some creepy vibes, so like many others, I thought he might very well be Sinister. Apparently, I was wrong, but I was confused about some things. As mentioned in the author's notes, Kai was working for Sinister, but then, how did he appear like a best friend for Sehun at the end as if nothing had happened? All he said was some weird things to Sehun (maybe to manipulate him) but other than that, he did not do anything significant which left me hanging for a bit. I also wonder why Joonmyun became a Guardian Angel. Is there a special reason to that? Also, if he is a ghost, why is it that Kai can see him?  (and he is apparently the student president, which means that other students and teachers can see him as wel)

I just want to mention that even though Jinsung made such a small appearance, I felt pity towards her because she was just a tool for Sinister to achieve his goals. All she wanted was to find out why she died, but sometimes, the truth hurts more than not knowing anything. Maybe I have missed out this out, but did Sehun actually find out how Jinsung died, or was it left hanging? (Also, I wonder why everyone calls her by her last name, but maybe it is meant to be disrespectful towards her since it is seen as such in Korea).

Lastly, it is amazing how well developed some of your characters are despite the sheer number. In future, however, I would suggest cutting down the number (For instance, while the angels do provide some wise insight, I feel like they do not serve much purpose except maybe the Angel of Darkness and Guardian Angel). This will allow the readers to focus on specific characters and allow you to develop them better.

Plot: 19/25

There are many elements in this story, from bullying in your average high school to arranged marriage to supernatural creatures and things like that. Perhaps due to so many plot aspects, I feel that the arrangement can be a bit messy and it takes away the focus of the theme. Personally, I think the arranged marriage is unnecessary (although I guess it gives a reason for Sehun and Hana to meet) and the presence of angels need not be as significant as it is now. The main focus can then be on the bullying (the basis) and the ghosts' backstories (the spice).

Also, I just want to mention something regarding the rich and poor issue; rich and poor people usually do not match up well due to several factors (even if one does not include money and family's approval). The main reason is that there is a difference in ideas and opinions (which happens sometimes with Seryung and Tao). Of course, it can work out if both parties are understanding, but that is something to think about since it seems the rich and poor troupe is relatively popular.

Anyway, onto the good side, I think the theme for this story is rather meaningful. In this story, in real life, all of us build up these deceiving impressions to protect ourselves from being judged by others. The rich and poor thing play well here too, although I am astonished by the tremendous power that the rich students seem to possess. Do all their parents let their kids become such spoiled brats? Perhaps some, but if all of them raise their kids like this, I cannot imagine how their futures will be like. That is a realism issue to consider. Nevertheless, it mostly rings true in life; those with power and money oppress the weak who has nothing. The sad thing in society is, money = power = more money = more power, while nothing = nothing, so it takes sheer effort and skills to get from nothing to money.

Bullying plays a big role, but I guess it is not exactly determined by social classes over here. I can see the effects of it through Miyoung, Seryung and Hana. The severity of bullying cannot be underestimated, therefore it is a good thing that Sehun realised that he was being cruel by putting Hana into all that treatment. All in all, your story is really reflective and it does make me think and change my view on certain things.

Originality-wise, the plot of the story is leaning towards the typical side but I love how the story is written and pieced together like a jigsaw puzzle. The supernatural bit is an interesting factor towards the story but at the same time, the readers reflect and grow along with the characters, thus giving this story a unique element to it.

Flow: 5/5

There are occasional flow inconsistencies which is understandable due to the length of the story. Nevertheless, most of the time, I see no problems with the flow.

FINALLY (5/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

Admittedly, I started out having little expectations (I was curious about how this story was going to play out the bullying and supernatural parts, but there are rarely any high school fics that amaze me over here so that is my assumption over here). However, I end up enjoying this story a lot due to its theme, indirect characterisation and writing style. Of course, there are some areas for improvement, but I think it is a great story especially since it is so long (This is probably the longest story I have read so far, and from my experience, too long a length does have difficulty holding onto the readers' attention spans. That is not too big of a problem over here).

Therefore, I can safely say that this is a very meaningful and enjoyable story.


TOTAL: 86/100 (A)

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: I would like to apologise for the delay, but hopefully, the feedback in this review will be of some help to you! This really is a great fic and I am looking forward to see what other stories you can come up with. Thank you for requesting and please remember to follow all the rules!