FIRST IMPRESSIONS (13/15)

Title: 3/5

Admittedly, 'Chrysanthemums' is not the most original title or symbol but I still like how there is a certain symbolic meaning in the title; it makes it all the more purposeful. It does have a close connection to the story and theme, which would be about friendship. I think many people may be hooked by the prospect of what chrysanthemums may mean in this story, but the intrigue may be a bit subtle.

Description & Foreword: 5/5

The description really consists of two simple sentences but sometimes, simplicity can be beautiful indeed. I especially like the second sentence because it is unusual in the sense that it is contradictory; the readers will question themselves on how a 'disaster' can bring the friendship back again, and thus, they will be more inclined to click on the 'next' button. Furthermore, the description itself is entirely relevant to the story.

Format (Graphics & Layout): 5/5

The graphics is gorgeous; ironically, even though the earlier parts of the story are not fairly pleasant, the poster portrays a very bright and merry atmosphere. Still, I think it correlates with the theme of friendship pretty well. I do not have many qualms regarding the format as well.


WRITING STYLE (18/25)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 6/10

There is some slight tense inconsistencies; although it is fairly evident that your story is set in the present, there are a few instances when you would switch to past tense. Do remember that you should only use past tense in a story set in the present when the narrator is narrating about events that had happened in the past.

italics - missing words/punctuation. bold - spelling/grammatical errors. underlined - fragments/sentence structures. strikethrough - unnecessary words/punctuation.

Foreword: "Three years ago a disaster tore apart the friendship of seven boys." - There is nothing serious here but do take note that a comma is missing in between 'ago' and 'a', which can be pretty obvious.

Chapter One: "He hears his parents... calling his name." - This is a SVA error. When you have a verb coming after a verb and a noun, then that verb should be in its root form; in this case, 'calling' should be 'call'.

Chapter One: "Memories of Gukhwa flashes in his head each time he drifts off and it pulls him back to consciousness." - "Memories of Gukhwa flash in his head everytime he drifts off, and they pull him back to consciousness." These are some examples of minor errors you can make.

Chapter One: "He grips only air where his shirt used to be."

Chapter Four: "Great figure too." This is just a minor gripe, but it is best not to use sentences that are not full or it will look unprofessional (the only time you should do so is when you want to emphasise something). Hence, it should be rewritten as "She has a great figure too." Note: This issue occurs a few times in the story.

Chapter Six: "'The river's current was so strong, I thought I would be swept away." - The second part of the sentence is an independent clause, hence, the comma should be replaced by a semicolon.

You do tend to repeat sentence structures at times so just try to vary them a little bit and you should be good to go!

Writing Style: 12/15

Your writing style has a sense of refinement that accompanies with the story pretty well. I do think there are some parts where your sentences can be quite awkward, for instance: "He has almond-shaped brown eyes, a slightly stubby nose, small lips and baby skin." You do your job by presenting the details to the readers but the presentation is a little generic; it is more of telling than showing. Therefore, you can rewrite it so that you can gradually paint a picture in the readers' minds instead of being too straightforward (basically, diction). One example is: "Brown eyes that are shaped like almonds are displayed on the boy's face." Another thing is that I thought the part about Sungjong's appearance is kinda irrelevant, because it does not add more to the plot or the character development.

Another thing is that you can try to focus a little on character's actions; they tend to showcase hidden emotions and add more depth into the characters. Still, I can see your attempts to describe, and in fact, I think your dialogue is rather well-written! They express the feelings of the characters perfectly as well as the relationships in between them.


DIGGING DEEPER (40/55)

Characters: 18/25

Before I go into the main characters themselves, I just want to say that you have presented the relationship wonderfully in this story, although it feels like the friendship is more within cliques rather than as a whole group (maybe if the later parts are longer, I would feel more attachment to the friendship of all INFINITE members).

Sunggyu is an extremely flawed character; he began as an immature teenager who enjoyed all the fun, but would escape whenever he noticed that something bad was impending. Even after Dongwoo's death, he simply pushed the blame to Sungyeol because he did not want to be consumed into his own guilt. I am actually surprised he is forgiven at the end, especially because there is less of a development of the friendship between Sunggyu and the INFINITE members (maybe with the exception of Woohyun). Nevertheless, I like Sunggyu. He was not the wisest but his character shows that humans make mistakes. However, the only solution to these mistakes is if one faces them and learns from them, which is what Sunggyu did in the end. I can even say his development, believability and portrayal are the best among the crew.

As for Dongwoo, I know he plays quite a significant role here but he never feels like a real human to me. I guess that is because he simply plays as the 'guardian angel' over here and it seems like he possesses little to no flaws. I like his perception of things though; he intentionally makes negative experiences befall on the characters so that the characters can learn. That is a relatively unusual viewpoint but I entirely agree with his opinions.

I have no idea why, but I oddly like Hoya. He isn't a perfect human; he has his own insecurities and when he first heard of Sunggyu's confession, his rage even overwhelms him (although I do consider him to be one of the calmer members). Nevertheless, I think he is nicely developed and relatively believable.

I am not going to talk much about the other characters because they feel more like side characters to me with forgettable presences. Throughout the story, it feels like the whole plot is  more focused on Dongwoo's death and Sunggyu's realisation, and I do not think that is your intention so that is just some food for thought. However, f I am strictly considering them to be side characters, then I think they serve well as their roles.

Plot: 19/25

The plot is pretty simple; although the central theme is friendship, I think that it also sheds light on some other issues, for instance, cowardice and learning from experiences. It does reflect on life in general and gives the readers something meaningful to think about. Also, like I mentioned before, I love the symbolism chrysanthemums have in this story; it is fairly common but it still suits its purpose and gives the story its own unique trait. 

All in all, the story is quite linear but I did not expect that Sunggyu would fall into the river. Now that I think about it, I do find it a nice touch to the story; Sunggyu gets to experience the pain Dongwoo felt and therefore, the experience itself makes it even more impactful for Sunggyu (and the readers). Furthermore, I like how there is a contrast; instead of standing by the sidelines, the INFINITE members all pull in to help Sunggyu without hesitation! I have extremely enjoyed that little scene because it reveals how well the guys have developed.

Lastly, I know I said I love the second drowning scene but I do think the drowning parts are a little unrealistic in some ways. However, it is not something that bothers me very much (every story has to have a little unrealism, after all).

Flow: 3/5

Personally, I think the reflection part comes in too late, or maybe the story is too short to fully showcase the characters' reflection process. It is as if the story began feeding the readers' background information before abruptly allowing the characters to see their mistakes (with no reasoning) so that the ending can come. That is why it feels all too rushed and it may be better if something actually happens that causes the characters themselves to face the problems they had been escaping all along.

Nevertheless, I like how the POVs are arranged neatly which makes it less confusing for the readers. 

FINALLY (3/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

As many people may know, I love friendship stories and yours does make a rather deep impression. Of course, there are some parts that bother me, but it is overall an enjoyable story.


TOTAL: 74/100 (C)

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: I hope this review has given you some insight on what you can improve on! Thanks for requesting, and please remember to follow the rules.