FIRST IMPRESSIONS (7/15)

Title: 1/5

Just a note: The correct capitalisation of your title should be 'It Only Goes On from Here' (Prepositions are usually not capitalised).

I don't actually see the correlation between the story and the title although it does give me a sense of pragmatism. While I don't see titles like these often in AFF, I feel like there is no memorability factor to it because it is way too vague (what is 'it'? where is 'here'?) The words used are also not symbolic enough to catch the readers' attention. 

Description & Foreword: 3/5

Your description has the same problem as some of the other stories I had read recently. While it is relevant, there are some issues with its presentation.

Firstly, it is not formatted properly and formatting is very important (especially in descriptions). Readers may not be able to follow through a chunk of sentences very easily. Hence, it may be better if you go by sentence by sentence.

Secondly, the description is very much like a summary of the story. It is just 'telling' the readers what happened, but it isn't presented in a manner so that the readers will be inclined to read it at the first place. Personally, I don't think the first two sentences are required because they're traits of the characters; they should be evident in your actual story. Also, try to focus on the main point instead of irrelevant details (like Kai falling in love with Kyungsoo, because that's a subplot and not the main deal). Italics and bold can also help to emphasise on certain words to create an impact. Here is an example:

That night was the turning point of Kris's life. (This is just one sentence, but in actuality, a sentence can be more effective than a paragraph. That is because it is more straight to the point, and so, the impact it gives to the readers will not wear off so easily.)

I like how the description does not mention Tao's pregnancy and the foreword later does so. I'm not too sure whether it's you or the co-author who has included the excerpt in the foreword (since it is from the most recent chapter) but eitherwise, I think it is a suitable choice because it leaves the readers hanging at the sudden introduction of Tao's pregnancy. 

Format (Graphics & Layout): 3/5

Although the poster itself is beautiful, it feels somewhat out-of-place with its bright colours and flowers. Unless they are symbolic, I don't think they are well-fitted inside an angst poster. There are also font inconsistencies throughout the story.


WRITING STYLE (8/25)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 3/10

Note: Always capitalise the 'C' in 'Chinese'.

You would make occasional punctuation mistakes where you would replace the question mark with a full stop. There are also times when tense inconsistencies occur.

italics - missing words/punctuation. bold - spelling/grammatical errors. underlined - fragments/sentence structures. strikethrough - unnecessary words/punctuation.

C1: "Monday meeting like every week plus a few meetings with clients throughout the week." - The first part is worded as such that it doesn't link with the previous sentence. Also, this is not a complete sentence. "There were a few meetings with clients throughout the week as well as the usual weekly Monday meeting."

C2: "I found you passed out by the side of the road." - The order is a little weird here. Also, I think 'I found' is a little unnecessary. "You passed out by the side of the road."

C2: "My head hurt so much and that didn't help any, but he seemed like a bad guy." - Here is a rectification of the sentence so that it flows better. "My head was hurting so much and those incessant questions didn't help much. Still, he didn't seem like a bad guy."

C3: "My father was forcing me to come back and I didn't want you to be involved with him and I didn't want you to go back." - Take note of the repetition over here and the incoherence of the sentence. There is no link between each part which can lead to confusion for the readers. "My father was forcing me to go back and I didn't want you to be involved with him. Besides, I didn't want you to return since you were always do depressed over there."

You have a huge tendency to repeat sentence structures, especially when it comes to dialogue. Do take note of this since this happens very frequently (in fact, this problem is occurring throughout the whole story). This can make your writing monotonous because the readers' eyes are welcomed by the same sentence structure every time. Try to use different sentence structures for dialogue like: I said, "..." OR "..." said a person. Then again, you pretty much have just three choices for dialogue so it may be a better idea if you do not include so much dialogue after all (or else, try to include more narration).

Repetition of words can happen such as 'wake', 'yell' (at the first part), 'there', 'said' and 'asked' with no intended effect. Try to replace 'said' and 'asked' with other words at times so that there is more variation and that the emotions you want to express can be better conveyed. Also, if you have used a certain word not long ago, then try to find a synonym to replace it so that it does not sound too repetitive.

Writing Style: 5/15

Try not to include irrelevant details (such as showering) because they don't really add anything new into the story.

I feel that there are certain aspects in the story which you can improve on. Your story may be more impactful if you describe the emotions of the characters in detail through actions and thoughts. However, the readers gain little exposure towards these areas even when the POV you use is the 1st POV, and that is why the story feels like it is very mechanically written. Since you're using that, it is best if you make use of the strengths of that POV as much as possible (e.g. 1st POV is more dialogue and thoughts-centric, but over here, I cannot really feel the intensity of Kris and Tao's emotions that are meant to be conveyed.)

For instance, when Kris heard from his parents that he had to marry a girl, what did he feel? All he did was say 'no, thanks', but those words themselves do not clearly show the extent of his reluctance. You could add that he was grimacing while he was saying that, or describe the angered thoughts running in his mind.

Additional tip: To avoid redundancy, you can replace 'yes' with a nod and 'no' with a shake of the head. Try to elaborate on vague terms like 'good smell'.

The repetition of the sentence structures also affects the score over here because there is a certain awkwardness between the transitions of the sentences.


DIGGING DEEPER (29/55)

Characters: 12/25

Before I go into the actual characters themselves, I just want to point out something. Your story has way too many characters (like some of the stories I had read before). I know there are times when authors may have the push to include members from other boy groups but unless the story is very long, I doubt there is enough time to thoroughly develop the characters. So far, the side characters in your story has no significance except to act as the 'best friend' roles, but honestly just the EXO members are enough (and although I say that, I don't even think the inclusion of all EXO members are necessary).

Hence, if you ask me which characters you should keep, I'd say Kris and Tao (obviously, since they're the main characters), Kai, Kyungsoo and Luhan. Yep, that's all to it. No other characters. Why? With a smaller cast, you can spend more time focusing on the main couple and you can better distribute the screen time for each character. It will make your life way easier and also, your characters will also come out to be more developed.

Now, I'll go to the actual characterisation itself. I feel like I know very little about who the characters are. Don't get me wrong... I mean, the story does talk about their hobbies but honestly, I don't think hobbies are very relevant for characters in a story. Of course, one or two hobbies are nice (to make the characters seem more developed), but they're not the main focus. The main point should be on the personalities of the characters.

Kris is described to be selfish and arrogant in the description, but those traits of his are not consistently shown in the story. At first, he didn't even look at Tao, but somehow he manages to warm up with Tao too quickly. I like how he is given a backstory as the rich guy; he hated his parents for being so controlling and didn't like pretentious images because he was too used to seeing them everyday. However, I feel like the story is there to give Tao a purpose and that is to 'fix' Kris, and I have to say that I really hate the fact that stories often portray lovers to be people who can 'fix' their future partners. Anyway, I'll talk on that in the relationship part.

Back to Kris. The reason why I say his character is inconsistent because of insufficient development. After sleeping with Tao, he suddenly dreamt of Tao loving him(?) and kept thinking of Tao. That makes no sense especially when Kris is supposed to be 'selfish and arrogant'. There is no development to show why or how he warmed up with Tao. The scenes of the recent chapters also confuse me a little because Kris suddenly didn't want Tao to leave him, and after Tao had declared his pregnancy, he immediately decided to marry the guy without a single moment of hesitation. I think the events were happening too fast for me to catch up because it didn't seem like Kris to be 'okay' with taking care of a child, especially not when the news was so sudden. I don't think it occurred to him that his parents would flare up at him either.

Tao and Kris's relationship, as mentioned, is progressing too fast. I know that it is possible for their relationship to speed up a little after they slept together but it's still way too fast, especially when both of them are not meant to be characters who can open up easily. From what I said just now, the way Kris is depending on Tao to 'fix' him is weird. Tao is not there to heal Kris's internal scars or whatsoever. Yes, he can help Kris get over it, but ultimately it is Kris's decision. I feel like Kris wasn't even taking the meaning behind Tao's words seriously; he was just softening because it was Tao who said it. This gives me a feeling that they're only relying on each other because of their problems, but they're not sticking together because they actually love each other. Feel free to prove me wrong regarding this point, though.
(Note: Their reactions after they realised that they slept together felt abnormal to me, maybe because they were calmer than I thought. Then again, it is the 21st century so maybe it doesn't really bother them.)

I like Tao's character actually; he is the poor, pessimistic and sensitive guy who is a little naive in terms of his thoughts. I admire how he believes in family love even though he does envy Kris for having such a wealthy lifestyle and others for being love. I feel like he is the kind of person who had experienced a lot; that is why he was able to offer advice to Kris. If you ask me, I think his character is pretty well developed so far and none of his actions seem off to me yet (well, except for his sudden love with Kris, although it might make a little sense if he was the type who fell in and out of love easily. Kris doesn't give me that vibe though).

I don't have much to say regarding the others. I like Luhan's role here though, but his backstory with Tao confuses me (why did he not want Tao to be involved with his father?) I think you skimmed through it because it isn't important, but some parts do confuse me. The others are nice, but most of them give me the same feel; they can almost become a single character altogether. Their relationships also develop too fast (e.g. It amazes me how Kyungsoo can say that he liked Kai right after he met him.)

Worthy mention: I'm curious as to why Kris's parents treated him like a slave even when they were known to be the opposite (and they spoiled his sister). I guess it may be due to the fact that Kris was heir. 

Plot: 14/25

I have a feeling that you are going for the poor vs. rich thing, and I do hope you can incorporate that well because it is a trope frequently used in fanfics. Personally, I like the contrast between the benefits and disadvantages that the poor have as well as the benefits and disadvantages that the rich have. What Tao said is true; people should cherish what they have.

I feel like the focus of the story is not here nor there though. By right, it should be concentrated on Kris and Tao but there are moments when it starts showing scenes of either of the two with their friends. The scene about Jonghyun beating up Tao is especially funny... but out-of-place. I understand that they have their friends but the friendship moments shouldn't be included too frequently.

What has piqued my curiosity is the question on how Kris was going to resolve the issue between him and his parents. He had promised to take care of Tao's child, but I am pretty sure that his parents would not accept a male partner (and one who was poor at that).

Note: Kibum's 'sons' sounds funny, but that's not the correct term if Kibum is around the same age as them. 'Guardian' would be more appropriate.

Flow: 3/5

The flow itself is a little too slow, but oddly when it comes to the development of the relationships, it becomes too fast. I think that is because of the concentration on other aspects that are not related to the main juice of the story (which is the relationships). 

FINALLY (0/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 0/5

If I have to be honest, I didn't exactly enjoy the story maybe because the writing style is a bit too stiff for me. I can't really relate to the characters (except Tao to a certain extent, although the portrayal of his emotions still needs a little work). Then again, that's my opinion and it does seem like many others enjoy your story.

Before I conclude, I apologise if I have offended you but these are my genuine opinions towards this story. You have asked me to focus on how you can make the story more interesting (although I'm probably not the best person to ask since the things I like are not really mainstream) and here are the suggestions I have:
+ As mentioned before, first impressions matter a lot. There are times when I would judge a book by its cover as well so you can consider improving the aesthetics of your story to attract more readers. That is not a big factor though.
+ Writing style is another important factor. I don't even think people care about originality these days as long as the author has a fun writing style. Humour is a special plus because I know many people (like me, for example) enjoy light-hearted stories that can give us a good laugh. However, if you can also write emotive scenes, then that'll be a great plus as well.
+ Lastly, I'd say relatable characters is very very important. You can use the most fantastic aliens plot, but if you have boring characters, then chances are that nobody will really bother to read your story. Hence, if you can thoroughly develop the characters by giving them flaws and likeable traits, then your readers will grow a sense of attachment to them better.



TOTAL: 44/100 (D)

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