saranghaeyo, amma by viobli



Criticism Level: 8

Title: 8/10
Originality: If the title is translated into English, it is not a really original title. However, you have typed it in Korean, so it is definitely more unique. (1/2)
Relevance: I like that you have linked the ending to the title. Through the story, I can see that Tiffany loves Taeyeon a lot. However, I feel that more than love, Tiffany misses Taeyeon, so that may be a more suitable title. On the whole, the title is relevant to the story. (4/4) Attractiveness: I will not say that it is a very attractive title, but when I first saw the title, I feel that there is a deep meaning inside it and it does intrigue me to read the story. (3/4)

Description & Foreword: 6/10
Relevance: She is reminiscencing, but in the story, she is not wondering about what might have happened to her life if Taeyeon is there. I feel that she is thinking about the times she spent with Taeyeon, and how much Taeyeon meant to her. You may want to change your description so that it is more relevant to your story. (3/5)
Attractiveness: I doubt that readers will be very interested in reading, but nevertheless, they may be curious and want to know more about your story. (3/5)

Setting: 4/5
Relevance: The setting may not seem very relevant, but somehow, I feel that there is a deeper meaning behind the reason why Tiffany went to the window to reminiscence. The story has never really elaborated on that though. (4/5)

Characters: 16/20
Originality: The characters are not entirely original, but that is okay as it is becoming increasingly difficult to be original now. Taeyeon, described by Tiffany, sounds like an incredibly strong woman, although a bit Mary Sue-ish in some ways, but since Tiffany is a daughter who loves her mother a lot, I can understand that. Tiffany's father, who may not be the main character, particularly catches my attention. What may be his reasons for leaving? He just seems like an extremely bad father, but I can also understand that as the story is seen from Tiffany's perspective. Tiffany is also rather unique, but it is kind of hard to explain how I think about her. (3/5)
Believability: I can understand why Tiffany feels this way. Many children do; they always like the people who treat them well and dislike the people who treat them badly. I can understand Tiffany's love to her mother and Taeyeon's love to her daughter. A parent's love is greatest in the world; even during hard times, they still make sacrifaces for their child, and that is what I call true love. I wonder why Taeyeon loves Tiffany's father so much though, but he is not further elaborated so I have doubts for that and him. (13/15)

Plot: 17/25
Originality: The plot is quite overused. (1/5)
Believability: Except for the part when Taeyeon starts complimenting Tiffany's father, I am okay with the plot. (9/10)
Theme: The main theme I have learnt is of course, parental love. The second last paragraph about the different ways to love and definitions for love also make me ponder for a moment. There are not many themes in this story but nevertheless, there is a learning point. (7/10)

Flow: 8/10
Consistency: The flow is rather smooth, but the story may have been better if you elaborate on some events so the impact given to the readers will be stronger. The whole story is about Taeyeon and Tiffany, but I still feel that most of the events are being summarised. (8/10)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 6/10
Grammar: You mostly make preposition errors. Here are two examples: "Feeling slightly nostalgic, she wonders what may have happened in her life if her mother was there for her." 'in' should be replaced by 'to'. I feel that 'for' is rather inappropriate because it just does not link to the sentence, hence I suggest you to change it to 'with'. By the way, 'may' is a tense error; it should be replaced with 'might'. "It became even worse when she was in high school; being pushed around, looked down at and being beaten up." 'at' should be replaced by 'on'. 'being' should be cancelled since there is a 'being' in front already. You may neeed to proofread your story a few times first before publishing. (3/5)
Vocabulary: The vocabulary is okay, but not exceptional. (3/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10
Enjoyment: Maybe due to the fact that I have read many similar stories before, I cannot get myself to fully enjoy your story. Nevertheless, this is a fine read, but probably not something that I will read again. (7/10)

Total: 72/100 //B (+)
Additional comments: Thank you for being my first requester! I hope that I am not being too harsh as I am still trying to adjust my criticism level accordingly. Please remember to save your review as a back-up for future references and follow all the rules. Thank you once again!

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