FIRST IMPRESSIONS (9/15)

Title: 2/5

Personally, I find the title a bit too vague because the readers do not get an idea of what the story is like, or even the genres and mood of the story. The title doesn't create much impact as well maybe due to the over-simplicity of the words that are used. It is relevant, however.

Also, some minor nitpicking: I feel like the title should be He Heard Them instead of He Heard It, mainly because the ending refers to Minjee's 'feelings' which is technically in plural form. The title can still work if you indicate that 'it' refers to Minjee's heart, though.

Description & Foreword: 2/5

The description is relevant to the story. While I think it does convey its intended message to the readers, I feel like it is lacking in a little something that can instantly hook the readers into the story. You can consider adding a question to end the description off, such as "Would he ever hear the burning feelings she always wanted to express to him?"

Format (Graphics & Layout): 5/5

The format is relatively simplistic, but that is, in fact, its strength. I also like how tidy and organised the presentation is. As for the poster, it is pretty cool although I don't think you should really use Jieun's name since her character in the story is known as Minjee, after all.


WRITING STYLE (15/25)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 6/10

You have a huge tendency to make SVA errors. Do note that the verb after a verb and a noun should always be in its root form. You also tend to add redundant words to some sentences.

italics - missing words/punctuation. bold - spelling/grammatical errors. underlined - fragments/sentence structures. strikethrough - unnecessary words/punctuation.

C1: "Jung Kook rolled his eyes after seeing that Yoon Gi had calm down and Ho Seok trying to calm his pain." - "Jung Kook rolled his eyes after seeing that Yoon Gi had calmed down with the help of Ho Seok." The underlined part does not connect well with the other part of the sentence. Also, since Hoseok was trying to calm Yoongi down, you can link the two portions together to avoid unnecessary repetition.

C1: "You want to buy something?" - This sentence is not structured as a proper question. A 'do' should be added in front.

C1: "To his surprise, he saw Min Jee smiling while putting her hands up in a fist like she was trying to say..." - "To his surprise, Minjee smiled while clenching her hands into fists like she was trying to say..." The additional 'he saw' is redundant and it is best to cut down on redundancy. Also, when someone's hand transforms into a fist, 'clench' is always used.

C1: "She may not say anything much but once she started smiling, it would surely bring happiness to someone." - "She may not say anything, but once she starts smiling, her smile will surely bring happiness to someone." The sentence here talks about her starting to smile, not her smile specifically. Hence, 'it' isn't the right word here.

Sometimes, our word choice is not appropriate for the context of the sentences. The best way to fix this is to read more and see how other writers' write their sentences. There is occasional repetition with sentence structures. Try not to use all capitalised words unless you are going for a more informal style.

Writing Style: 9/15

Your strength is in your dialogue as it is more informal in tone and suits the mood of the story pretty well. I also like the contrast between Minjee's dialogue and a normal student's dialogue; that fits with her character very well. The narration is fine, but I feel like it can be rather stiff at times and doesn't go well with the dialogue.

Also, you tend to miss out some details that can really add into the comedic effect. This, in turn, lessens the impact of scenes that can be considered funny. For instance:
"'Yah!' Ho Seok tried to hit Nam Joon on the head but accidentally hit Min Yoon Gi on the face."
You can describe Ho Seok's expression or feelings in a more humourous manner so that it can engage the readers better.
"'Yah!' With furrowed eyebrows and eyes that were burning with flames, Ho Seok swung his arm. Unfortunately for him, he missed his original target and instead hit Min Yoon Gi on the face."

DIGGING DEEPER (23/55)

Characters: 10/25

Personally, I do like the concept of Minjee mainly because she reminds me of one other friend I had. She also has a soft voice like Minjee does and is unable to express her feelings very well. Her complexes are that she feared to become a burden to the others around her and yearned to be able to speak up. That is a good start, but I feel that at the end of the story, the complexes aren't utilised to its full potential.

I was hoping to see some growth inside Minjee and how her fears would motivate her to do something about her inabilities. However, I feel that she never really grew at the end of the story which leaves me a bit disappointed, especially when all she had been doing was escape from her problems. I think the length of the story may be the issue here, so I hope you will take her development into consideration should you be planning a sequel.

As for Jungkook, I feel that he is even less developed than Minjee is. The readers don't see his flaws at all. Instead, all we know about Jungkook is that he was Minjee's Prince Charming who could protect her from everything.

Regarding Jungkook and Minjee's relationship, I feel like it can be developed way better as well. Again, this may be due to length constraints, but the present story doesn't present the readers an idea of why Jungkook liked Minjee. Okay, so Minjee likes Jungkook because he protects her... fine enough. What about Jungkook, though? He is said to be popular in the story. Why is it that out of all the girls in the school, he just had to fall for the soft Kwon Minjee? There are insufficient moments between the two for the readers to understand his feelings sufficiently.

Although I pointed out all the flaws above, I have to say that the relationship between Jungkook and Minjee is sweet, especially on how Jungkook seems to know Minjee's inner feelings. Of course, it would have been better if the relationship is more developed because then, the readers will be given a reason to care for both of them.

Overall, I have to say that there are many areas of improvement for this section, although a longer length may be able to solve the problem. At the moment, the characters and main relationship lack development and have not been expanded beyond the stereotypes they are given yet.

Plot: 9/25

The plot is pretty straightforward with no twists. I do think the romance is brought through, but the implications of Jungkook's love towards Minjee as well as Minjee's insecurities are never really emphasised on, which greatly reduces the emotional impact of the story. Still, I feel that this is a correct portrayal of what a simple high school love is like (which makes the story fairly realistic), and that is something to be praised for.

Flow: 4/5

The pacing is decent until the ending. In my opinion, the confession comes off far too abrupt and that, in turn, kills off all emotional impact that there is.

FINALLY (1/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 1/5

It isn't too bad although I really do feel that the character development can be done a lot better. The romance is pretty heartwarming to see, but as mentioned before, it can have even more impact with better development.


TOTAL: 48/100 (D)

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: Thank you for requesting, and I hope this review has provided you useful feedback!