once upon a december by cupiecakesx3



Criticism Level: 10

Title: 8/10
Originality: Not really original. (0/2)
Relevance: The title really gives off an angst vibe, so that works well. Initially, I thought the story is about an incident that happened in December, but it is actually a song. I think the song actually relates to the story and that is a really nice touch (although I kinda thought it was some random song, but after analysing the story, I can see the reference.) (4/4)
Attractiveness: The title gives off a mysterious angst vibe so yep, I am certainly intrigued. (4/4)

Description & Foreword: 10/10
Relevance: The description immediately refers to the song. I believe that the foreword refers to how Yura feels in reality. Full marks for this. (5/5)
Attractiveness: The reader will definitely feel like reading the story; mainly because they want to find out what is the deal with the song and what has happened to Yura. The vibe given off is pretty mysterious as well. (5/5)

Setting: 5/5
Relevance: The main setting is the ballroom and I can see how it is relevant to the story (and to the ending as well.) The beginning is a good reference to December. (5/5)

Characters: 11/20
Originality: Yura and Joonmyun are probably not really original. Yura just gives off the typical rich daughter vibe who wishes to be herself. Joonmyun... I have no idea actually. He is just described as perfect. (1/5)
Believability: I am not a firm believer of love at first sight, and I do not really know how it works for people... and sure, I can understand if Joonmyun and Yura feel attracted. However, I wonder why Yura is still upset about Joonmyun's death after four years. Maybe I am misunderstanding, but if I am not wrong, Yura first met Joonmyun at the birthday party and he died later on. The thing is... Yura barely knows Joonmyun. They probably talked for only a few hours, yet Yura is really attached to Joonmyun in a way that I cannot comprehend. I also wonder why Joonmyun sang the song at that time. It is pretty unusual to sing during a blackout, but I suppose that he is just trying to console Yura. (10/15)

Plot: 15/25
Originality: Not the most original plot, but it is something slightly different from the stories that I have read. (3/5)
Believability: I have stated what I needed to state in Characters: Believability. (6/10)
Theme: One of the themes I have learnt is about the pain of losing a loved one. There are some other themes which are briefly touched on as well. (6/10)

Flow: 7/10
Consistency: I think that the love comes way too quickly which I pretty much mentioned in Characters: Believability. The ending is rather abrupt though; I can understand the rush since it is a one-shot, but it came really fast. (7/10)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 9/10
Grammar: I do not notice any major mistakes, but here are some minor errors: "My heart is being torn and teared" - There is no such word as 'teared' unless you are referring to 'teared up'. Then again, 'is being teared' just does not sound right. "lady like" - 'ladylike' is a word. "I surely would have made a fool of myself. So I just nodded my head." - Beside 'So', there should be a comma. "And to my luck, Joonmyun let go of my right hand for a quick moment to move his bangs out of the way. Though my right hand and his left hand..." - 'to my luck' is probably 'to my dismay'. The fullstop should also be replaced as a comma so that the second sentence will not be a run-off sentence. (4/5)
Vocabulary: I have nothing to say. (4/5)
+1 as your narration is brilliant. I would have imagined the daughter of a wealthy family narrating or speaking in such a manner.

Overall Enjoyment: 9/10
Enjoyment: I manage to enjoy this story because of your narration. I can also feel the emotions of the characters. More feedback will be given in additional comments. (9/10)

Total: 73/100 //B (+)
Additional comments: Here are my truthful opinions about this story. The characters and story are not that strong (not original and rather one-dimensional) which pull you down but I guess I can understand that since your story is a one-shot. It is really hard to develop characters in a one-shot, and it is difficult to maintain the flow and explain everything. I love your writing style and it is pretty moving, and if you can further develop the characters and make the flow less rushed, I believe that this story can gain more marks. Hopefully I haven't been too harsh; and thank you for requesting!

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