the voice of summer by chibimusicstar



Criticism Level: 10

Title: 8/10
Originality: It is the first time I have seen such a title, and it sounds unique and beautiful. (2/2)
Relevance: When I first saw the title, I thought that the story will be about summer and that it will be full of fluff. Fantasy didn't come in that much, and I did not really think about romance. I am still not that sure how the title is relevant to the story, but I'm guessing that the 'voice' represents Krystal's voice. You're at the beginning chapters though, so I guess I'll see. (2/4)
Attractiveness: It does intrigue me to read the story and people who are looking to read a beautiful tale may be intrigued as well. (4/4)

Description & Foreword: 9/10
Relevance: Totally relevant; I have nothing much to say. The description brings about two familar stories that the stories is based on, and the foreword gives an idea but doesn't reveal too much. (5/5)
Attractiveness: Fans of The Little Mermaid and The Daughter of Evil will be interested to read the story. Just wondering; shouldn't the prologue be in the foreword? Anyway, I prefer descriptions ending with questions, but I am interested to read the story nonetheless after finishing the description and foreword. (4/5)

Setting: 5/5
Relevance: I feel that the entire setting about the different races will be a great impact to the story since creatures who, or which, are not in the same race cannot be involved romantically. There is also the whole war affair as well. (5/5)

Characters: 14/20
Originality: I can't say that the characters are entirely original. Krystal resembles the little mermaid a lot, and Jiyong is just like a prince. Jinwoo and Jiwon are very interesting characters though. (3/5)
Believability: I'll start with Krystal first since she is technically the heroine of the story. Her character is a bit of a mary sue because her personality is pretty flat and from what I've observed so far, she doesn't really have any flaws. Next, I'll talk about Jiyong. I doubt that his love for Krystal is real. If she didn't bear such resemblance with Jimin, I don't think that he'll treat her as nicely as he is treating her now since she is, after all, a stranger. They haven't really conversed in my opinion and he already uses the word 'love'. Maybe 'like', maybe 'attracted' but 'love' is a pretty strong word for him to use. He is also kinda perfect but I guess it shouldn't come off as a surprise considering the fact that he is a prince. I have mixed feelings for Jiwon. Initially I thought she was an evil queen but maybe her ruthless side hasn't been revealed yet. I think that she is a believable antagonist though. Other than the points I have mentioned above, I think that the characters are fine so far. (11/15)

Plot: 17/25
Originality: I have seen similar stories before so admittedly, it isn't really anything new. (2/5)
Believability: I can believe the backstory behind humans and mermaids, and I can understand how wars occur. I find that there are some things that happen too coincidentally. Jiwon likes Seunggi, but Seunggi likes Jimin who is Jiyong's sister, and Krystal resembles Jimin a lot. Jiyong then thinks that he likes Krystal, and Krystal thinks she likes him too but she actually likes Jinwoo who is Jiwon's servant. Maybe it is just me overthinking it though. So far, the plot is believable and I am interested to find out more! (9/10)
Theme: I haven't learn anything yet but the fantasy is interesting and it does give me the romance vibes. (6/10)

Flow: 10/10
Consistency: I have nothing much to say because the flow is just right. (10/10)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 7/10
Grammar: There are quite a number of errors.
'...the mermaid actually turn...' - 'turn' should be in past tense.
"She seek for freedom beyond her world while he seek for happiness for him and his twin sister." - 'seek' should be 'sought' since the rest of the paragraph is in past tense.
'The sea never accept her again.' - 'accept' should be in past tense.
'All I want is to be my his side.' - It is a typo I guess, but 'my' should be 'by'.
"Might not be as his lover but as a servant would be fine too." - This whole sentence is strange. Maybe "I may not be his lover, but I would be fine being a servant." is better.
'She saw Jiyong was holding her hand...' - 'She saw Jiyong hold her hand...'
'Krystal refused to lower her hands because witches...' - Do you mean 'lower her guard'?
I notice that you have the tendency to switch tenses so you may want to take note of that. Either stick with past tense all the way, or stick with present tense. There are some other mistakes here and there but nothing a proofread can't fix. (3/5)
Vocabulary: I notice that you use the word 'happy' often and you also tend to repeat words. Nevertheless, your vocabulary is all right. (4/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 7/10
Enjoyment: I'm not really a fan of romance but I love the fantasy elements, and the story is pretty well-written. Not the best story I've read, but it is certainly not the worst either. (7/10)

Total: 77/100 //B (+)
Additional comments: I notice that I always have nothing to say for the flow... Anyway, I have enjoyed the story and I would love to see more fantasy. Keep up the great work! Thanks for requesting and do not forget to follow all the rules. :)

» layout credit