FIRST IMPRESSIONS (13/15)

Title: 5/5

As for the moment, the title does seem relevant to the story since it does revolve around Sooyeon's feelings for Baekhyun. I am personally more skeptical about its attractiveness due to the usage of words, but all in all, it does seem to evoke a question from the readers and encourage them to read on.

Description & Foreword: 4/5

The description is pretty standard, but I think the last sentence really hits it off with a bang since the readers can question the reason why the protagonist has included that statement. It does give off a cliche vibe though (like one of those stories where the protagonist ends up getting cancer or some deadly disease); hopefully, the story won't end up going on that path. 

Format (Graphics & Layout): 4/5

I like how simple and neat the formatting is; not many distracting aspects can be observed. However, I am questioning the relevancy of the poster—despite its aesthetics—as it gives me the vibe off a comical and bright story, which I believe the mood doesn't fit your story.


WRITING STYLE (12/15)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 5/10

There are many tense inconsistencies. You tend to mix tenses (present and past) which can be very distracting for the readers. Try to stick to only one tense so that confusion will not arise. You also have the tendency to make SVA errors and add redundant words to a sentence. (e.g. "Suddenly, he started to talk." There is no need to add 'started to' when he already 'talked suddenly'.)

italics - missing words/punctuation. bold - spelling/grammatical errors. underlined - fragments/sentence structures. strikethrough - unnecessary words/punctuation.

Foreword:
"These are the few things I won't admit:
1. I won't admit that I have fallen in love with Byun Baekhyun.
2. I won't admit that my heart breaks everytime he wraps his arm around Kim Taeyeon's waist or kisses her cheek."
3. I won't admit that I cry as I think about my hopeless love.
and most importantly,
I won't admit that I have to leave him soon."

C1: "My brother is going to laughed at me once he see this." - "My brother is going to laugh at me once he sees this."

C1: "I caught Yerin—my best friend—making her way towards me." - This is a SVA error. Do remember that a verb after a verb and noun should always be in its root form.

C2: "I brushed my hair, aware about my looks before suddenly he start to speak." - "I brushed my hair, self-conscious of my looks. Suddenly, he spoke." In my opinion, 'aware' isn't a very suitable word here because it doesn't exactly bring about the same effect as 'self-conscious' does.

C2: "I patiently waited for the other to continued their words, and nearly dozing off when suddenly I heard the other started to speak." - "I patiently waited for the other to continue their words, although I nearly dozed off after some time. Suddenly, I heard the other speak." Keep in mind that the verb after infinitive 'to' should always be in root form. The reason why I've changed 'and' to 'although' as well as added 'after some time' is because 'and' doesn't connect the two contradictory parts together properly. 

You tend to repeat certain sentence structures and words occasionally. Sometimes, the words you use may not fit the context or come off as overly vague.

Writing Style: 7/15

I don't have many complaints with your writing style although I have to say that sometimes, the transitions between sentences can be a little awkward. I am pretty sure they'll be able to flow more smoothly with more practice, though. That being said, you do miss many vital details in your narration. There are certain scenes that require more impactful writing (as in more vivid narration of the emotions) such as the scene when Sooyeon watched Baekhyun and Taeyeon kiss. However, the narration is usually not done to the full potential, and as a result, the effect is greatly reduced. Do note that narration can affect characterisation indirectly as well.

Since this is a romance story (and is probably primarily focused on characters' relationships), it is also better if you fully utilise the benefits of first POV. You can use the protagonist's thoughts in a more efficient manner (e.g. the Baekhyun and Taeyeon kissing scene again) as well as her perspectives towards the various characters. 


DIGGING DEEPER (37/55)

Characters: 17/25

Personally, I think Sooyeon is a pretty all right main character; her jealousy towards Taeyeon is very evident throughout the story and I think it's also a trait that is very relatable to normal girls like us. It proves that Sooyeon is also a flawed human although she did suppresses her feelings for Baekhyun. I find it admirable of her to be able to advice Baekhyun to talk to Taeyeon again, because she needn't have done that.

However, I do have a problem with her, and that is her contradictory thoughts. She was obviously terrified of Chanyeol, but her speech doesn't link to her emotions. Why was she able to retort back at Chanyeol even when she was literally shaking at the sight of him? The manner of her dialogue is kinda weird in that way even if you consider the fact that she might be trying to 'act strong'. Other than that, she also had contradictory thoughts towards Taeyeon (that's a bit understandable considering she had mixed feelings towards her, but there are some occasions when it gets a bit confusing for me, the reader). There is no implication of that in the story. Other than that, I think she's a pretty well developed character although her feelings for Baekhyun can be fleshed out better. This can be done in the future chapters though.

As for Baekhyun, there isn't much I can say about him yet becase his actions somewhat confuse me. I like the twist into his role of the story; he doesn't seem like the typical goodie goodie prince charming, but someone possibly something more than that. I am very curious as to see how his personality plays out as the story goes on. (Random but I wonder why he didn't take Kyungsoo's arm and get him to run with them too... Poor Kyungsoo :()

Chanyeol is very much like Baekhyun, but he confuses me even more because of his gangster image. It seems like he didn't really behave like a gangster but it seems like he was actually sinister as well. His ambiguous sayings to Sooyeon are frankly annoying, but I guess the story will be more bland if he didn't say anything. I actually have many doubts regarding Chanyeol (why he had taken such interest into Sooyeon, especially) but I hope these queries will be answered later on in the story.

Something additional: I find it odd how Chanyeol pushed Sooyeon to the wall all just to give her... chocolate. That scene is a bit too random, and honestly, he could have just given her the chocolate instead of pushing her onto the wall. Also, it is mentioned countless of times that he was a gangster, but that is only told, not shown. I, as a reader, cannot get the vibe that Chanyeol was supposed to be a gangster. Sure, he pushed Sooyeon onto the wall and stuff... but his words don't match his supposing gangster-like personality.

Taeyeon is yet another puzzle. I wonder why Sooyeon didn't ask her why she lied about her grandparents coming over immediately, but that's not really a big issue (I have to say it's pretty dumb for Taeyeon to make such a lie when her grandparents weren't even alive). Another thing I'm curious about is why she doesn't clarify all of Sooyeon's doubts. Instead, all she said are ambiguous statements that don't make sense (just like what Chanyeol did). She is unlike Baekhyun and Chanyeol in the sense that I cannot possibly think of a reason why she will bother doing that (unless she is part of this game of theirs), which is why I'm pretty confused about her. Still, I hope the story clears up my confusion later on.

I like the additions of Kyungsoo and Yerin; they're nice additions to the story and they don't stand out too much. I only hope that Yerin gets a little more development outside of the best-friend role, but it is up to you how you want to split the screentime.

Overall, it is really difficult for me to tell whether the characterisation is good or not considering that the readers are only exposed to Sooyeon's full thoughts and emotions right now. I just want to warn you that it is essential for you to tie up all the loose ends because the characters sure seem like a whole load of puzzles to me. 

Plot: 15/25

One scene I'm curious about is the first scene where Sooyeon had written about the things she wouldn't admit. What did she mean by 'leave him soon'? This is also the very scene that is seemingly the focus point of the whole story, yet totally left out for the rest of the chapters I have read so far. I hope it is planned to be brought up again because the title and description won't make sense otherwise.

I believe you're planning to make the story a sort of mystery initially before gradually revealing the answers to the readers later on. I have to say that it is a clever tactic to create tension and hook the readers onto the story, but it can be a dangerous one as well. My prediction of the entire drama is that Baekhyun and Chanyeol had plotted something and used Sooyeon as their test subject, but if that is proven true, then it may be a bit tricky for you to cover up all the plot holes, so do be careful of that.

The plot doesn't seem too original, but it does have a little twist to it which allows the story to stand on its own. There are some unrealistic problems I have to point out (primarily the lack of authority involvement) but I guess they're not too major for this kind of story. I am quite bothered by the fact that Sooyeon's backstory doesn't seem to have much involvement with the story yet. What makes the death of Sooyeon's mother so worth mentioning? What is the point of Sooyeon's mild asthma (unless that has something to do with 'her leaving Baekhyun'?) I do hope they have more consequential actions onto the story, because if not, they are really irrelevant cliche additions to Sooyeon.

Flow: 5/5

The flow is pretty decent, but try not to rush the relationships later on in the story. Many authors have the tendency of doing that, and it all ends up in a whole load of mess.

FINALLY (2/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5

The grammar has bothered me quite a bit, but I do look forward to see how this story will progress in future.


TOTAL: 64/100 (C)

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: I apologise for the (extremely late) review; I have been caught up with lots of stuff lately. Eithe rway, I hope this review has provided useful feedback towards you. Thanks for requesting!