55 / dear cupid ❂
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FIRST IMPRESSIONS (13/15)
Title: 4/5
There's a deep connection between your story and the title itself. It isn't directly a summary of the story, but it is loosely linked with it.
While the title is quite memorable, it just lacks the X-factor that makes the readers wonder about the story. When I first saw it, I thought the story would be about Luhan and Hyesoo being matchmaked by someone so I didn't really think deep into it. Hence, you may want to consider making your title more intriguing.
It's a fairly unique title and I like that it isn't the lead-up to "Dear Cupid, next time hit us both", rather, it's the lead-up to another sentence that's similiar but not exactly similiar at the same time.
Description & Foreword: 4/5
There's nothing irrelevant in the description and like the title, it ties up with the story, except that it gives us some more idea of what the story will be about.
The description is quite vague and I also feel that the ending ends rather abruptly. Here, I've changed the ending sentence slightly so that it piques more of the readers' curiosity:
"I have heard them say,
'Dear Cupid, next time hit us both.'
But, they've forgotten something...
...something that I would've never guessed until that day."
Format (Graphics & Layout): 5/5
Both the layout and poster are aesthetically pleasing (P.S. I love the color scheme of the poster!). Personally, I think changing the colors of the titles in the layout would be better so that it would fit more with the poster (It's nothing major, though).
WRITING STYLE (18/25)
Grammar & Vocabulary: 6/10
The tense of the story is rather inconsistent, so do take note of that and ensure that your story is only in one tense. There are a few glaring errors and also some sentence structure mistakes.
italics - missing words/punctuation. bold - spelling/grammatical errors. underlined - fragments/sentence structures.strikethrough - unnecessary words/punctuation.
Foreword:
"I've heard them saying, 'Dear Cupid, next time hit us both.' But I think there's something missing in this saying. There's something they forgot about." - The first error is a SVA error; when there's a verb and noun in front of a verb, that verb should be in its root form. As for the second error, it should be 'have forgotten' since the rest of the sentence is in present tense. "I've heard them say, 'Dear Cupid, next time hit us both.' But I think there's something missing in this saying. There's something they have forgotten about."
Dear Cupid:
"That's exactly how Kim Hyesoo was fated to appear in an unexpected moment in an inevitable way just to RUIN my life!" - 'That's exactly how' isn't linked to the paragraph above, and for the second underlined portion, it just feels a bit repetitive and the sentence doesn't flow that well as well. While I wouldn't call capitalising a grammatical error, it isn't exactly the correct formatting since it doesn't look very professional. Perhaps you can choose to bold or italicise it instead. "Apparently, Kim Hyesoo was fated to appear unexpectedly yet inevitably just to ruin my life!"
Dear Cupid:
"And top of that, I was almost sweating because of the tension that was surrounding me, the tension of an arranged marriage." - 'the tension of an arranged marriage' doesn't really sound right, so you can consider revising the sentence like this: "And on top of that, I was almost sweating because of the tension that was surrounding me. After all, my parents were planning a marriage between a particular person and me."
There's adequate reptition of sentences/phrases/words, however, you can change some of the sentence structures for the dialogue. For example, instead of typing "'You're cool,' she said.", you can type "She said, 'You're cool.'"
Writing Style: 12/15
Attempts to illustrate the scenes of the story are evident and successful, although I feel that the description of the characters' behaviors should be more detailed. For instance, when Luhan lied to Hyesoo about knowing how to fix the car, what are his gestures? Do his eyes dart around fervently, or what else does he do to express his nervousness about lying?
Rather than serious, I think your writing style is relatively light and occasionally sarcastic which fits the tone of the story.
DIGGING DEEPER (33/55)
Characters: 15/25
I'm surprised that Luhan and Hyesoo were able to act so comfortable with each other, especially Hyesoo, considering that she had been rejected by Luhan (and harshly, at that) before. I guess it is still possible, however, so you're not penalized on the believability portion; I would just like to point that out. Nevertheless, I love the interactions between Hyesoo and Luhan, although I kinda imagine them more as best friends rather than lovers (then again, maybe they're the cute lovers that love to bicker all the time)
It seems like many people (even Luhan himself) see Luhan as a jerk, but apparently, he has always felt burdened since he is the son of a wealthy family, and he nearly had to sacrifice his happiness to marry some random girl (Well, Hyesoo isn't exactly some random girl, but it's pretty much the same if she was replaced by another stranger instead). Yes, he has his ego, but at the same time, he's not as selfish as other people think.
I do think Luhan does have this image of a seemingly-mean-but-actually-nice-guy, but I think he's developed quite nicely in the story. He may be stubborn and prideful, but he also knows when to let go, but most importantly, unlike the usual rich kids, he does consider about his family. He isn't a snotty rich brat that only cares about love with zero concern about other people, so he's a refreshing change for a wealthy guy.
Development-wise, we can see how he had changed over the seven years. He became more sensitive compared to seven years ago when he would prank Hyesoo and was absolutely insensitive to her feelings.
Hyesoo isn't your average nice girl either. She has that spunk in her and doesn't just let others take advantage of her (which I enjoy seeing). At the same time, she has this fragile and emotional side towards her. Luhan has always felt more like the main character to me, though, maybe because Hyesoo doesn't have much growth in the story.
Sehun is quite a flat character; he really doesn't seem like Luhan's best friend at all (even his first appearance is linked with Hyesoo). I guess it's fine since he's a side character but it's quite disappointing that he's just there to marry Hyesoo and with no other significant purpose.
Plot: 13/25
I think the arranged marriage part is totally unnecessary, not only just because it's widely used by many stories, but it is also unrealistic. Sure, it was common before the 18th century, but now that we are in the 21st century, it's pretty much non-existent; I don't think I've seen any arranged marriages anywhere. The setting of the story isn't clear but it does seem it is set in the 21st century, so the whole arranged marriage idea is pretty unbelievable. Your story can definitely still go on even without the concept of Luhan being forced to marry Hyesoo; perhaps both of them took the same part-time job, or maybe both of them volunteered at the same organisation. It's up to your imagination, really.
Something else I find unbelievable is that Luhan and Hyesoo's marriage could just change to Sehun and Hyesoo's marriage. What Luhan did was probably touching, but he didn't really seek both parties' permission regarding the marriage. Also, I wonder what Luhan and Hyesoo did to convince their parents. (Not only that, didn't Sehun know about Hyesoo's impending marriage to Luhan? Why didn't Hyesoo tell her parents about her relationship with Sehun? There's a few questions that I still have after reading the story, so you may want to clarify some of these during your next update)
Most stories related to the quote linked to your story are mostly about one-sided romance, but I like how you've given another meaning to the quote just by adding another four words. I totally agree that feelings should come mutually and at the same time for a successful relationship, but unfortunately, we aren't really the controllers to our own feelings. Nevertheless, it's quite meaningful in its own way.
It's been a fun ride through the characters' flashbacks and present situation, and I think what keeps me hooked is Luhan and Hyesoo's interactions. Really, bickering best friends for the win. (They didn't end up as lovers, but they're still friends, right?)
Flow: 5/5
The story flows well, but in some parts when the scene changes, there isn't a divider or something that indicates the change, so it may lead to confusion (this isn't penalized since it only happens two times). The POV is consistent.
FINALLY (3/5)
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I've enjoyed this story thanks to the fun character interactions, but arranged marriage just isn't my cup of tea (and I don't think it fits in the story either).
TOTAL: 67/100 (C)
FIRST IMPRESSIONS (13/15)
Title: 4/5
There's a deep connection between your story and the title itself. It isn't directly a summary of the story, but it is loosely linked with it.
While the title is quite memorable, it just lacks the X-factor that makes the readers wonder about the story. When I first saw it, I thought the story would be about Luhan and Hyesoo being matchmaked by someone so I didn't really think deep into it. Hence, you may want to consider making your title more intriguing.
It's a fairly unique title and I like that it isn't the lead-up to "Dear Cupid, next time hit us both", rather, it's the lead-up to another sentence that's similiar but not exactly similiar at the same time.
Description & Foreword: 4/5
There's nothing irrelevant in the description and like the title, it ties up with the story, except that it gives us some more idea of what the story will be about.
The description is quite vague and I also feel that the ending ends rather abruptly. Here, I've changed the ending sentence slightly so that it piques more of the readers' curiosity:
"I have heard them say,
'Dear Cupid, next time hit us both.'
But, they've forgotten something...
...something that I would've never guessed until that day."
Format (Graphics & Layout): 5/5
Both the layout and poster are aesthetically pleasing (P.S. I love the color scheme of the poster!). Personally, I think changing the colors of the titles in the layout would be better so that it would fit more with the poster (It's nothing major, though).
WRITING STYLE (18/25)
Grammar & Vocabulary: 6/10
The tense of the story is rather inconsistent, so do take note of that and ensure that your story is only in one tense. There are a few glaring errors and also some sentence structure mistakes.
italics - missing words/punctuation. bold - spelling/grammatical errors. underlined - fragments/sentence structures.
Foreword:
"I've heard them saying, 'Dear Cupid, next time hit us both.' But I think there's something missing in this saying. There's something they forgot about." - The first error is a SVA error; when there's a verb and noun in front of a verb, that verb should be in its root form. As for the second error, it should be 'have forgotten' since the rest of the sentence is in present tense. "I've heard them say, 'Dear Cupid, next time hit us both.' But I think there's something missing in this saying. There's something they have forgotten about."
Dear Cupid:
"That's exactly how Kim Hyesoo was fated to appear in an unexpected moment in an inevitable way just to RUIN my life!" - 'That's exactly how' isn't linked to the paragraph above, and for the second underlined portion, it just feels a bit repetitive and the sentence doesn't flow that well as well. While I wouldn't call capitalising a grammatical error, it isn't exactly the correct formatting since it doesn't look very professional. Perhaps you can choose to bold or italicise it instead. "Apparently, Kim Hyesoo was fated to appear unexpectedly yet inevitably just to ruin my life!"
Dear Cupid:
"And top of that, I was almost sweating because of the tension that was surrounding me, the tension of an arranged marriage." - 'the tension of an arranged marriage' doesn't really sound right, so you can consider revising the sentence like this: "And on top of that, I was almost sweating because of the tension that was surrounding me. After all, my parents were planning a marriage between a particular person and me."
There's adequate reptition of sentences/phrases/words, however, you can change some of the sentence structures for the dialogue. For example, instead of typing "'You're cool,' she said.", you can type "She said, 'You're cool.'"
Writing Style: 12/15
Attempts to illustrate the scenes of the story are evident and successful, although I feel that the description of the characters' behaviors should be more detailed. For instance, when Luhan lied to Hyesoo about knowing how to fix the car, what are his gestures? Do his eyes dart around fervently, or what else does he do to express his nervousness about lying?
Rather than serious, I think your writing style is relatively light and occasionally sarcastic which fits the tone of the story.
DIGGING DEEPER (33/55)
Characters: 15/25
I'm surprised that Luhan and Hyesoo were able to act so comfortable with each other, especially Hyesoo, considering that she had been rejected by Luhan (and harshly, at that) before. I guess it is still possible, however, so you're not penalized on the believability portion; I would just like to point that out. Nevertheless, I love the interactions between Hyesoo and Luhan, although I kinda imagine them more as best friends rather than lovers (then again, maybe they're the cute lovers that love to bicker all the time)
It seems like many people (even Luhan himself) see Luhan as a jerk, but apparently, he has always felt burdened since he is the son of a wealthy family, and he nearly had to sacrifice his happiness to marry some random girl (Well, Hyesoo isn't exactly some random girl, but it's pretty much the same if she was replaced by another stranger instead). Yes, he has his ego, but at the same time, he's not as selfish as other people think.
I do think Luhan does have this image of a seemingly-mean-but-actually-nice-guy, but I think he's developed quite nicely in the story. He may be stubborn and prideful, but he also knows when to let go, but most importantly, unlike the usual rich kids, he does consider about his family. He isn't a snotty rich brat that only cares about love with zero concern about other people, so he's a refreshing change for a wealthy guy.
Development-wise, we can see how he had changed over the seven years. He became more sensitive compared to seven years ago when he would prank Hyesoo and was absolutely insensitive to her feelings.
Hyesoo isn't your average nice girl either. She has that spunk in her and doesn't just let others take advantage of her (which I enjoy seeing). At the same time, she has this fragile and emotional side towards her. Luhan has always felt more like the main character to me, though, maybe because Hyesoo doesn't have much growth in the story.
Sehun is quite a flat character; he really doesn't seem like Luhan's best friend at all (even his first appearance is linked with Hyesoo). I guess it's fine since he's a side character but it's quite disappointing that he's just there to marry Hyesoo and with no other significant purpose.
Plot: 13/25
I think the arranged marriage part is totally unnecessary, not only just because it's widely used by many stories, but it is also unrealistic. Sure, it was common before the 18th century, but now that we are in the 21st century, it's pretty much non-existent; I don't think I've seen any arranged marriages anywhere. The setting of the story isn't clear but it does seem it is set in the 21st century, so the whole arranged marriage idea is pretty unbelievable. Your story can definitely still go on even without the concept of Luhan being forced to marry Hyesoo; perhaps both of them took the same part-time job, or maybe both of them volunteered at the same organisation. It's up to your imagination, really.
Something else I find unbelievable is that Luhan and Hyesoo's marriage could just change to Sehun and Hyesoo's marriage. What Luhan did was probably touching, but he didn't really seek both parties' permission regarding the marriage. Also, I wonder what Luhan and Hyesoo did to convince their parents. (Not only that, didn't Sehun know about Hyesoo's impending marriage to Luhan? Why didn't Hyesoo tell her parents about her relationship with Sehun? There's a few questions that I still have after reading the story, so you may want to clarify some of these during your next update)
Most stories related to the quote linked to your story are mostly about one-sided romance, but I like how you've given another meaning to the quote just by adding another four words. I totally agree that feelings should come mutually and at the same time for a successful relationship, but unfortunately, we aren't really the controllers to our own feelings. Nevertheless, it's quite meaningful in its own way.
It's been a fun ride through the characters' flashbacks and present situation, and I think what keeps me hooked is Luhan and Hyesoo's interactions. Really, bickering best friends for the win. (They didn't end up as lovers, but they're still friends, right?)
Flow: 5/5
The story flows well, but in some parts when the scene changes, there isn't a divider or something that indicates the change, so it may lead to confusion (this isn't penalized since it only happens two times). The POV is consistent.
FINALLY (3/5)
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I've enjoyed this story thanks to the fun character interactions, but arranged marriage just isn't my cup of tea (and I don't think it fits in the story either).
TOTAL: 67/100 (C)
ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: This is definitely an improvement from your previous works; I know I've said it before, but this story is really fun and the new idea of the quote makes this story even more unique. Keep up the good work and continue improving! :) Thanks for requesting, and do remember to follow all the rules.
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