FIRST IMPRESSIONS (7/15)

Title: 1/5

In my opinion, the hangul is a little irrelevant unless your story is a Korean story, but since it is English, it will look more professional if the title is all in English. Also, just an additional note: The first 'w' in 'werewolf' should be capitalised because it is a noun. Three exclamation marks are not needed; one may be fine, but three is a bit too much.

Now, I will go into the title itself. Although it is relevant and brings out the fluffy tone, I feel that it is a title that doesn't really stand out because there are so many werewolf stories around AFF. It does not bring anything new to the table nor is there a twist in it that makes it memorable enough. 

Description & Foreword: 2/5

The description here has the same problem as the title. It is certainly relevant, but it reveals too many unnecessary details so it ends up becoming more like a summary of the introduction instead. Just a short sentence or two which brings out your main point is enough. Also, since the plot of your story is generally rather common, it is best if you take a different turn for your description.

Here is an example:

She did not know, but at the moment she heard a howl, her life was going to change.

She did not know, but at the moment the kindness of her heart took over her, her life was transforming rapidly into something else.

Whether it was for the good or the bad, only time could tell.

Format (Graphics & Layout): 4/5

The graphics and layout are certainly adorable; the only qualm I have is that the font size and colour of the description hurts my eyes. I have to squint to read the description and it becomes a chore. You can consider increasing the font size and changing the colour to a darker one.

Also, try not to hyperlink or post images; I understand if you want your story to appear a little
vibrant but that is not exactly the way to go when you are writing something. If you are writing, you ought to describe the various clothing and items (although you usually don't need to write about the clothing unless they are relevant).


WRITING STYLE (7/25)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 2/10

There are many major errors that can be spotted in your story. Using short forms like 'u', 'aka' and 'ya' make the story seem very unprofessional. Also, pronouns such as 'I' and 'Seoul' should always be capitalised; there are no exceptions. Try not to start with connective words like 'and' and 'but' too.

There are severe tense inconsistencies as well to the point I am nearly unable to tell whether your story is meant to be in present or past tense. Not only that, there are times when you would not include spacing appropriately. Apostrophes should always be included as well; they matter more than people think. Lastly, your sentences should always be complete. '3pm yet Wifi haven't fix yet and phone is going to fix soon...' is not a sentence; it is a dependent clause.

I apologise if I am being a little critical here, but this is because improper grammar can really detract from the reading experience; this is why proofreading and editing are very important. Here I will name a few of the main mistakes you make, but if you are still mixed up, you can: 1. Practise  a lot  and understand how to apply the various grammar rules. 2. Get beta-readers to help you edit your story and point out the mistakes you may have made.

italics - missing words/punctuation. bold - spelling/grammatical errors. underlined - fragments/sentence structures. strikethrough - unnecessary words/punctuation.

Foreword: "You were just taking a stroll around when you sensed a presence around you. Anxiety overwhelmed you but before you could break into a run, a whimpered howl from a distance drifted into your ear. You wanted to ignore it and just go back to your house where it was safe, but there was a voice nagging at the back of your head, asking you to check it out. Pondering for a moment, you decided to trust that voice. When you finally found the source, your eyes nearly dropped out of their sockets !! There was an animal growling softly yet painfully as blood trickled down its front paw. On a closer look, the mammal looked like a larger version of a husky–no wait! Realisation struck your head as you looked at its paw that had two protruding toes, charcoal-black nails, and large, thick canine teeth... It was a wolf!! You wanted to run away due to the uneasiness that rose up inside you, but there was something tugging you back—your conscience. Cursing your kind heart, you tried to interact with the canine. However, what you didn't know was that by doing that, your life would be changed , forever." - As you can see, the most highlighted errors are tense mistakes which can heavily affect the presentation of your story. Also, ellipses are always three dots and other punctuation marks should only be used once. 

Chapter One: "Oh ya i forgotten to introduce myself." - "Oh yeah; I had forgotten to introduce myself." There is a pause in between 'ya' and 'I'.

Chapter One: "Miraclely, I could felt my legs now." - "Miraculously, I could feel my legs then." The way this sentence is worded is a little awkward in nature, so if you want, you can rewrite it as: "Somehow, my legs regained their senses."

There are occasional times when you would use vague words or when you would repeat certain sentence structures. For the most part, you do not repeat word, but you have the tendency to use 'said' and 'asked' frequently.

Writing Style: 5/15

Try not to include irrelevant details like clothing; instead, focus on the main plot itself, which is the development between Jungkook and Yura's relationship. Also, avoid writing vague terms like 'bored'; instead of just telling the readers that Yura was bored, what you could do was express the extent of how bored she was. Yura might have yawned, or maybe she could have tapped her feet since she had nothing else to do. There are many ways you can bring out the feeling of 'bored'.

Description is also key; if you are talking about a ferocious-looking man, then there should be details to show that. Perhaps he was frowning with his eyebrows furrowed, or maybe his eyes were burning with anger. Little details like that would reveal more information than 'he was ferocious'.

Another thing is try not to use script style, fully capitalised words, emoticons or tildes; again, they look unprofessional and unless you are writing for a play or roleplay, you should not use script style at all. It is best for you not to add author notes in the middle of the story too.


DIGGING DEEPER (12/55)

Characters: 6/25

There is not much depth in the characters. I will elaborate upon that here.

Yura is the most developed character out of the bunch, but still, she isn't that developed. The only flaw she has in this story is her 'fear to be alone' but even that is not expanded on. Other than that, her thought process doesn't really make sense to me. When she sensed a presence behind her, the first thing she thought about was zombies and supernatural creatures instead of running away. She wasn't even surprised that Jungkook turned out to be a werewolf and she was fine with taking care of a wolf, which is... rather puzzling if you ask me. There is no context as to why she behaves in such an atypical manner either.

The weird thing is how she seems to know everything (apparently, she immediately realised that the 'inhuman jerks' injured the wolf even when she didn't even have a full grasp of the situation. Lastly, I feel that her so-called 'kindness' is very unrealistic. Of course, I am not saying it is bad to be kind, but when she is so kind to the point that she forgave Hongbin for kidnapping her and nearly doing unbearable things to her, that made me question her sanity. That scene itself poorly reflects the trauma that victims face in kidnapping scenarios (that which I will elaborate in the Plot section).

Even at the end of C12 when she somehow became an 'independent person', I felt like it is not even a well-developed trait and it feels squashed in for the sake of letting people admire Yura. I don't see her react so sarcastically to Hongbin when he honestly was about to do much worse to her.

As for Jungkook and Yura's interactions, I think they are adorable and cheesy at times which is perfect for your story (since it is fluff), but there is no depth. I don't understand how Yura falls in love with Jungkook so easily in a span of days or how Jungkook began to trust and depend on Yura so heavily. There is basically barely any development of their friendship (except Yura taking care of him...) before they go into loving each other. It just seems like they are a couple made to fulfill the wishes of fangirls. If that is your intention, good job, but for a person like me who is more of a realist, I would like to see a more realistic relationship.

Jungkook is not really developed. I only know that he 'is innocent', 'loves Yura a lot' and 'transforms into manly Jungkook at the full moon' but that is it. Even his phobia for water isn't elaborated on.

Hongbin and Miyoung... They really seem wrong in the head, especially Hongbin. I know they are just side characters but side characters affect the story more than people think they do. The fact that he kidnapped Yura and was about to do things to her disgusts  me and how he was not even arrested by the police or something is revolting. Again, more on that in the Plot section but his character is absolutely ridiculous; is he just there to insert drama? I think what makes his character very inconsistent is how he relents to Yura's requests even when he is the kidnapper. Humans are contradictory in nature, but that is simply going out-of-character. Even if he is scared of rejection or has an insecurity complex, it doesn't give him an excuse to randomly kidnap girls out-of-the-blue.

I have no words for Miyoung. She is just the typical arrogant queenka who is just there for more drama insertion. 

Anyway, first and foremost, I apologise if I sound mean here but I seriously cannot bear unrealistic characters; characters like Hongbin and Yura especially get on my nerves. I just don't understand how Yura is able to act like a saint and excuse Hongbin's actions, even if he is her best friend. Although I have tried to look at your characters objectively, I really feel that extra work has to be put in to make them developed and likable. For now, they are very one-dimensional, flat and unrealistic.

Plot: 3/25

I will start with the main plot first. The werewolf plot is over-used and so far, there are no special twists to it. In fact, many aspects regarding the background of werewolves are very questionable, and hopefully you will address them as the story goes by. Their bonding lifestyle actually confuses me; if werewolves are meant to bond with humans at the first place and live normal human lives, then why are they even born as werewolves? 

As for the plot itself, it is mostly fluff with some forcefully-inserted drama. The Hongbin scene is especially revolting because this is what it does: It is indirectly saying that is okay. I don't think that's your intention but that is what that scene is hinting. Even when Hongbin didn't manage to do anything to Yura, the fact that he kidnapped her and was let off scot-free was atrocious; in fact, Yura should never have thought that he was a 'nice guy' even after that scenario. Perhaps you are influenced by some other stories who have scenes like this. However, these scenes are not only over-used, but they are also promoting the wrong things.

The other issue, bullying, happens but I feel like it isn't really treated seriously here. Perhaps you are just planning to create a fun story for people to read, but using these perpetuating issues as devices to create drama is wrong. There are plenty of ways to create drama; there is no need to use scenarios that can potentially create controversies for your story.
 
Once again, I am sorry if I have offended you in any way but these are my genuine opinions. It is your choice whether you want to take my suggestions seriously or not. Ultimately, if your aim for this story is to create a fun and light-hearted one, then I guess you have succeeded, but the factors that this story is lacking will be memorability and relatability. In future, try to avoid touching on sensitive topics like the ones I had mentioned.

Flow: 3/5

One thing I am confused about is the fact that you use multiple POVs. May I ask what is your purpose for that? If there are no specific intentions for the switching of POVs, then I'd suggest just using one so that the readers will not be confused. Regarding the flow itself, I think it is fine but there are times when it would jump or speed up (especially when it comes to development of relationships and characters).

FINALLY (0/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 0/5

Honestly, I didn't really enjoy this story. Of course, I did laugh sometimes, but some aspects of the story had distracted me a lot to the point I was going to rage-quit in the middle of the story. Again, I apologise if I have offended you; after all, there do seem to be many people who genuinely like your story. Ultimately, it depends on which group of audience you are appealing to, but I'm probably not part of the bunch.


TOTAL: 26/100 (E)

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: I realise I did not mention this anywhere so I'll add it here. If you ask me whether your story is interesting, I guess it depends on the person. For me, I find the story really predictable (I have a feeling that the poachers are going to come after Jungkook and mega drama is going to be unleashed) but who knows? Your story does have its cheesy and hilarious moments, so maybe people who fancy that will find your story interesting.

Additional note: If you think that I am perceiving your story inaccurately, then feel free to discuss with me, but this is my stand on your story for now. Don't be disheartened by my review, though; there is always time for improvement and growth. Thanks for requesting and please remember to follow the rules!