FIRST IMPRESSIONS (14/15)

Title: 4/5

The title does tie in nicely with the whole story; both Sunggyu and Woohyun have their own nightmares that they are afraid of.

While the title does leave people wondering what these nightmares are about,  there are many titles like this one on AFF so it may not stand out as much. The title also doesn't have a twist in it in the story, so it's lacking in memorability for the readers.

Description & Foreword: 5/5

Although your description only consists a sentence, it is short and sweet and does its job by pulling the readers into the actual story itself. Other than that, it rings true in their heads. 'Dreams come true' is usually a positive saying, but in the description, you have incorporated a twist in this saying, thus promoting the story in an interesting manner. Not only that, it is relevant to the story as well with the mentioning of both dreams and nightmares.

Format (Graphics & Layout): 5/5

The font size is a little tiny for my liking, but other than that, I like the formatting.

The poster gives off a mysterious aura especially when the guy's face is hidden. It fits the idea of the story perfectly.


WRITING STYLE (17/35)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 7/10

There are occasional grammatical errors here and there, but all in all, your grammar is all right. Some typos are pretty glaring, however, so you may want to edit your story one more time.

italics - missing words/punctuation. bold - spelling/grammatical errors. underlined - fragments/sentence structures. strikethrough - unnecessary words/punctuation.

Foreword: "They say that dreams come true, but they forgot that nightmares are dreams too." - The word 'forgot' doesn't link to the first part of the sentence because it is in past tense, so it should be changed into present tense.

Chapter One: "You were the popular one; the one that attracted countless of people regardless of gender, with every step you take and every smile you show." - The use of semicolon is inappropriate here because it is used to connect two independent clauses; however, the second part of the sentence is more of a dependent clause. Instead, a dash would be more appropriate in this context. Also, 'that' should be replaced by 'who' because you're referring to a person (in this case, 'you').

Chapter One: "Your small habits were adorable and I remember thinking how perfect you were." - The first part and second part don't really link to each other. Also, 'remember' is kinda unnecessary since the narrator is already 'thinking'. "Your small habits were adorable, and they made me think about how perfect you were."

The words you choose to convey certain messages are not only easy to understand, but also fitting for the story. There is quite a lot of repetition and your writing style is a bit vague, but at the same time, it adds onto the mysterious atmosphere of this story.

Writing Style: 10/15

I believe your story is meant to be written in a beautiful and poetic way, and I think your writing style fits well with the story although there are some moments when I feel that you can choose more sophiscated words to represent certain ones. The format of this story is relatively unique; it directly addresses the readers which creates more emotional impact.

Now for the more negative comments... there is not much imagery in the story, and even when there is, the descriptions are rather direct rather than the slowly-unpackaging-a-present kind of way that I was expecting. This is not necessarily a bad thing for some types of stories, but in my opinion, I feel like it does not go well with this one due to its nature.

Do remember that choice of words have a huge significance in how your message is going to be conveyed to the readers. For instance, "I cautiously walked towards you" vs. "My footsteps were tentative when I made my way towards you." Showing is usually a more effective way than telling especially when you are writing paragraphs that are meant to make more impact on the readers.


DIGGING DEEPER (44/55)

Characters: 20/25

Before I really start getting into the characters, I just want to say that developing the characters here is really not easy, especially since the main characters are pretty much nameless (for half of the story, at least) and so it will be entirely up to you to craft out their personalities. Admittedly, like some other readers, I thought Woohyun was the popular guy and Sunggyu was the wallflower, but then again I can imagining Sunggyu being the popular guy though (although both of their real life personalities do not really fit the wallflower role, but that is not really important since this is a fic after all).

I actually find Woohyun's character quite contradictory (which is perfectly fine, he is human after all) and in fact, interesting. He is not your typical shy-and-innocent wallflowers, but a real human with feelings, fears and most importantly, flaws.

To be honest, I doubt his feelings for Sunggyu is true love (well, maybe they are to a certain extent, but they are definitely not very strong). From the start, he liked Sunggyu because of how perfect and bright he was (admiration) although he was then intrigued seeing the hollowness in Sunggyu's eyes (this is just my assumption, but it may be due to the fact that he starts to see Sunggyu as someone alike him and he is curious to know more).

Afterwards, he starts to see the crazed Sunggyu and that is when he freaks out. I think that is really because that image of Sunggyu is too much for him to handle especially when he usually sees him as the happy, cheerful guy, and also because he, in fact, does not know Sunggyu all that well. When he makes the decision to leave Sunggyu in the mental institution, it has become quite obvious that he is a really selfish person. However, at the same time, the reader is able to sympathise with Woohyun and sees his reasons behind it.

That is why I think that Woohyun is thoroughly developed because he is indeed believable and realistically portrayed. While he does care for Sunggyu, there are some things he feels helpless about and fears, so in the end, he chooses the easy option that most of us would take when faced in such situations--run away. It is selfish, yes, but understandable.

In this story, Woohyun does not grow or develop in any way, but I think it just shows what a coward he is and how much that incident still haunts him even until the present. 

Now talking about Sunggyu, he is like some of the other popular guy characters that obviously have some issues. However, even until the very end when he turns crazy, his problems are not well-explained and it leaves me wondering about a lot of questions. What happened to him? Why did he turn crazy all of a sudden? How much of him is a lie? 

My initial stand was that the readers barely got to know Sunggyu and that his characterisation could have been better done. However, now that I rethink it, I actually think that that may just be your intention. After all, in life, we do not always get to get everything go our way, and perhaps, it is best to leave Sunggyu as this 'mysterious guy who is not what he seems to be'.

I do think that there is one problem with his character, and that is his interest towards Woohyun. It may make more sense if it is Woohyun pursuing Sunggyu, but why would he be randomly interested towards Woohyun when he has his own issues to settle with at the first place? That part is not really logical to me.

All in all, great job on your characterisation! If possible, it'd be great if you write something based on Sunggyu's point-of-view so that we readers can get to know him as well, but you can consider to leave it hanging just to make the story more impactful. This is kinda up to you depending on what feelings you want to leave the readers behind with.

Plot: 20/25

The plot seems quite like your average schoollife story, but thankfully, there are not many exaggerated scenes (people's treatment to Woohyun is relatable to me especially) although the whole idea about Sunggyu being the star of the school is a bit unrealistic to me. Other than that, I do not have much problems with the realism of the story.

As mentioned, I like how the story is formatted and I think that it has portrayed this story in a different and interesting manner. However, I feel as if the story has lacked a little something that will automatically attach itself into the readers' minds. Perhaps it is due to the lack of tension in the . In my opinion, the crazed laugh that Sunggyu made is not intense enough to capture the readers' attention instantaneously; maybe if he screams at Woohyun or if some other action happens, it would be more memorable.

This story has left behind a relatively bitter taste. Neither Woohyun nor Sunggyu feels happy at the end, but the worse thing is that there is no proper resolution for Woohyun, because he has absolutely no idea why Sunggyu became that way and Sunggyu's shadow will forever stay in his life. In conclusion, all I feel is a sense of helplessness, especially after seeing how weak and cowardly Woohyun (and in general, all humans) are.

Hence, I find that this story may as well want to convey to the readers that we should not escape even when we face problems, and instead, find solutions to resolve them. If not, we will regret the decisions we make for our lives, and honestly, I think this rings true not only in romance, but in life in general. This is why I find your message rather impactful and meaningful.

Flow: 4/5

I thought that the relationship development is a bit too fast, but then again, this is a one-shot. Sunggyu's sudden craziness is rather abrupt though.

FINALLY (4/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
It is a bit on the dark side, but I do find this story interesting and enjoyable to read.


TOTAL: 79/100 (B)

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: Sorry for the (super super) late review but I hope the feedback here is useful to you. Also, since I wrote this review quite some time ago, I''m unsure if I have mentioned the points you wanted me to address so I'll just reply them here:
Portrayal of characters despite ambiguity: I personally think the portrayal of the characters is a job well done (as mentioned in the Characters section) but I admit it may be confusing considering that the two characters are not OCs. What you can do is drop some hints of the characters' identities along the way, but try not to be too obvious (sounds difficult, I know). 
Emotion portrayal: It is good enough, but it feels lacking at certain aspects (especially at the ). For instance, I know Woohyun is hurt and I sympathise with him, but I do not feel hurt with him. Many factors can actually affect how emotions are portrayed though, so it will be a bit tough getting the readers to be emotionally invested into the story as you have to write the characters in a way that they care and feel for both Woohyun and Sunggyu.
Lastly, thank you for requesting and please remember to follow all the rules!