say what you want, think what you want, but i love you by exo4ever26



Criticism Level: 10

Title: 4/10
Originality: The title isn't original in terms of the words, so even though I haven't seen such a title before, I still can't give originality marks. (refer to Attractiveness) (0/2)
Relevance: Since this story is about romance after all, I'm sure that the 'I love you' part is definitely relevant. Anyway, I'm kinda skeptical because it's easy to direct the story for the 'Say What You Want, Think What You Want' part. I still don't know how your story is going to go though. (3/4) Attractiveness: The title is extremely long, and it's more like a quote than a title. There's nothing that stands out because 'I love you' is common, and most people will likely just skip the story seeing the long words. It's always best to use a title that has only two or three words, somtimes one word (but it's hard to score in originality for one word titles, so that's something to consider.) It totally screams romance though, so perhaps romance fans will check the story out if they find the title eye-catching enough. (1/4)

Description & Foreword: 5/10
Relevance: It doesn't exactly make sense. Who are the friends that picked on Soojung? It would be strange if they are BTS because they're so nice to her. Other than that I'm okay. (4/5)
Attractiveness: Your description and foreword are not really eye-catching. I absolutely dislike character charts because I believe that it'll be better for readers to find out about the characters later on, besides, they don't really capture attention. You may also want to sort out the credits, perhaps placing them in the foreword will be a better choice. The description is pretty vague... what is 'the special incident'? You can reveal some details, but try not to reveal too much. (1/5)

Setting: 2/5
Relevance: The school setting isn't relevant unless the bullying counts... but bullying can happen anywhere and everywhere. (2/5)

Characters: 10/20
Originality: All the characters have rather stereotypical personalities. V is the cold guy, Jungkook is the prankster, Soojung is the nice and kind girl, Byungin is the protective brother so on so forth. They're also kinda one-dimensional (elaboration in Belivability.) (2/5)
Believability: It's somewhat unbelievable how Soojung reacts so emotionlessly to her parents' deaths. Maybe I'm mistakened or maybe it's because her past isn't revealed that much yet, but she addresses their deaths so naturally like she doesn't mind that much. I can understand if she has an easygoing personality, but I still feel that she ought to show some reaction to the incident. The first few sentences of the prologue are kinda strange because Soojung is like reciting a report about her. She doesn't seem to have a flaw except that she is germophobic, but that's just briefly touched on. And is it just me, or is it that she has a crush on everyone? If Soojung is popular, why is flour being dumped on her and all that stuff? Why are her friends like... all males? She doesn't seem like a tomboy to me, so I'd think that she'll have some female friends. (or maybe I'm just being picky over small details.) In all honesty, I can't really comprehend some of their actions or even their thoughts. Soojung comes off as overdramatic (?) and some of the boys' personalities aren't consistent. (8/15)

Plot: 12/25
Originality: It's about schoollife and nothing really stands out to me so far. (2/5)
Believability: The story is character-driven so I have nothing to say. Refer to Characters: Believability. (5/10)
Theme: I can definitely see the story as a romance one. There isn't any themes yet, but I'm wondering whether this is fluff or angst since it's pretty much in the middle. (5/10)

Flow: 6/10
Consistency: The flow is sometimes choppy and the characters' actions can change drastically at times. (e.g. Taehyung is supposingly a cold guy, but he isn't acting cold at chapter nine. He's like joking with Soojung and all.) (6/10)

Grammar & Vocabulary: 5/10
Grammar:
'...until a special incident happened where...' - 'where' should be 'when'.
"I lost my parents when I was little to a murder." - "When I was little, my parents were murdered." Your original sentence is somewhat strange so I have changed the phrasing.
"He was actually born..." - 'was' should be 'is' since it remains a fact that he is born in Busan, South Korea. (The story is in present tense after all) "You inniciate skinship..." - Spelling mistake here. 'initiate'.
* Take note of the second chapter and the third chapter. I think that grammar is your strong point as there are mostly minor errors rather than major, and your tenses stay consistent most of the time. (However, why is the foreword, description and prologue in present tense while the story is in past tense? If it's a recount, then I can understand that.) Just proofread your work a few times and you should be fine. (3/5) Vocabulary: The words you use are relatively simple. Try not to repeat words such as 'said' and 'asked' and use synonyms instead. There's a lack of emotion as well. (e.g. Soojung cried. Instead, you can say that Soojung wailed. Soojung cried her heart out. Soojung burst into tears. Well, they're pretty lame examples but there are a lot of phrases out there to describe sadness.) (2/5)

Overall Enjoyment: 4/10
Enjoyment: In all honesty, many things bothered me and I couldn't really enjoy the story due to them. (4/10)

Total: 48/100 //D (=)
Additional comments: I'm sorry if I've been too harsh as that's not my intention. I hope my suggestions and advice have helped you to improve your writing. Thanks for requesting, and do not forget to follow all the rules! :)

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