bridge by pandoralacey




Criticism Level: 10

Title: 1/5
The title is quite vague; all the readers know is that the story is related to a bridge or that there is a bridge in the story. The genres and plot of the story are not clear, and it isn't exactly eye-catching either. Although there is only one chapter up, I can see the relevancy of the title to the story which is a merit.

Description & Foreword: 9/10
Both description and foreword are certainly relevant to the story, but I feel that the foreword (or rather, the prologue) serves more as a source for background information. While the prologue ends with a cliffhanger, some people may not stay and finish reading the whole prologue if the description doesn't interest them enough. Perhaps you can consider replacing the prologue with a short but intriguing paragraph, and the prologue can be placed at the first chapter slot. Personally, I think the whole set-up of the main page is well done (the layout helps too) and it gives off a mysterious vibe that will grab the readers' attention. 

Characters: 17/20
The prologue gives me the impression that Joongki is pretty playful, but there is certainly more to him. I wonder why he was interested in Suzy at the first place and, of course, the reason behind his disappearance (which will be talked about in Plot). I can't say much about him yet (the part when Joongki forcefully kissed Suzy shocked me though). Speaking about that, I wonder why Suzy didn't push him away. Even if she did like him, I don't think she is one who will allow the other to kiss her without her permission in such circumstances. Suzy is a character that has a tough and stubborn facade, but inside her, she feels helpless and is very affected by Joongki's disappearance. I don't feel that she is the typical 'cold and introverted girl' too; more like she is indifferent about other people. Hopefully we will get to know more of her character soon enough.
Soohyun's relationship with Suzy seems unusual. When they interact, the atmosphere somehow becomes rather tense and hostile. Although it is mentioned that he is not close with Joongki, he appears to know a lot more about Joongki and Suzy's relationship as well. All the main characters are portrayed quite well and they leave the readers wondering who they really are which definitely adds on to the mystery. Great development so far!

Plot: 15/20
I just want to say that you are great at leaving cliffhangers. Partly due to that, there is lots of suspense and as the readers read, they will be hooked onto the story. Realism plot-wise is fine thus far. The concept is relatively cliche but the thrill of the mystery is still there, which is very important when it comes to stories under the genre of mystery. The story is a bit predictable (in my opinion) so in the later chapters, you have to be cautious not to let out vital information because if so, the suspense may be killed. I am guessing that the Lady bridge will play an important role in the story, and possibly linked to Joongki's disappearance. I cannot really identify the themes yet since the story is just one chapter in. 

Flow: 4/5
Although you have requested for me to focus on the flow, I do think that the story flows naturally in a well-paced manner. There is one scene which I find odd though, and that is the scene when Joongki surprisingly kissed Suzy. From "no kiss, no play" to a sudden confession, the flow is a bit awkward there. The POV stays consistent throughout the story.

Grammar & Vocabulary: 11/15
All in all, the grammar is okay but there are some glaring errors. 
"Joongki's case would soon label as cold case." - "Joongki's case would soon be labelled as a cold case."
"He was the one who started to call her that - she wasn't an angel - either." - This sentence is structured oddly. "He was the one who started telling her that she wasn't an angel."
"They were more like an acquaintances than friend." - "They were more like acquaintances than friends."
Take note that when there is dialogue, the tense is always present unless the person is recalling a past incident. Here is an example:
"The prayer ceromony for Joongki, was it really okay if you don't attend it?" - 'was' should be in present tense.-grammar, sentence structure, spelling all comes under here.
You also have the tendency to make SVA errors, for instance "She almost shouting in frustration." That is grammatically incorrect and it should be "She almost shouted in frustration."
I do think that you have a relatively wide range of vocabulary but you tend to repeat some words such as 'said' and 'asked'. It is fine to use these words occasionally but when emotion is expressed using dialogue, it is important to use words that will better convey this feeling to the readers. The sentence structure varies well enough. In terms of word choice, you have done a great job. Most of the carefully selected adjectives do fit well in the circumstances they have been used. There are some words which you have used that are quite vague and not specific enough, but they belong in the minority.

Description & Emotions: 8/10
You have put in great effort to describe the actions and facial expressions of the characters. Since the story uses third POV, the focus when it comes to expressing emotion naturally lies in behavior. When it comes to describing places and objects, however, the details are less. "The bridge is old and sturdy" is a method of telling, but how do you show that the bridge is old and sturdy? Is the bridge built with stones that have rough textures and some cracks? Other than sight, you can also use the other senses to describe. How does the touch of Joongki's lips feel like to Suzy? 

Format (Graphics & Layout): 10/10
As mentioned in the description and foreword section, the layout of the main page is beautiful. I like the layout for the first chapter as well; it is simple and neat, and the words are big enough for the readers to read. The graphics is well-made and certainly gives off the mystery vibe.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I love mysteries so this story is enjoyable for me (though there is only one chapter) and I anticipate for further updates. 

Total: 80/100 //B (+) 
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