My schedule was filled with filming to promote my début single. Each moment of each day stressed me. Talking to people wasn't my thing. I don't know how to make friends. I don't even know how to socialize. But without doing this, I won't become successful.

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I was crying looking at the pictures of my mother and father.

They passed away from a stupid car accident...

I clenched my teeth.

My relatives came to the funeral. But they didn't see me. Either it was on purpose, or I was forgotten. I grabbed onto the necklace I received for my birthday and cried even more.

I know we just met but... I want to meet you again... Momo-chan. I want you.

I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to enter. I knew nobody would be there waiting for me.

How am I supposed to pay for this? I don't have the confidence to continue living.

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A month after the funeral... Nine days before I had to start attending school again... My house caught on fire... Everything was burnt except for the things I treasured my whole life... My relatives didn't remember me so they didn't take me in. I had to live on my own. I thought I had to live on the streets for the rest of my life until an old lady saw me walking with bare feet.

"Your feet are damaged! What happened? Where is your family? Did you lose your house? Don't you have a place to live? You can't attend school like that. I own an old apartment. It's dirty, but there's an empty room. Come with me." She took my hand and took me to her apartment.

Yes, it was old and dirty. But at least I had shelter, a place to live. I slept on the floor without any blankets on that night. This experience... Soon became a trauma...

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"Send us letters!" "We will always remember you!" "You're our first fan!" "You're so beautiful!" "Let's meet again soon!" Those voices were repeated in my head.

I woke up with tears were falling down my face.

Arashi...

I felt something on my feet. A blanket. I walked to the door. A pair of shoes with a pair of socks tucked inside.

I left the apartment with a cup. I needed money. I earned very few but it was still worth it. I entered my room and saw school supplies. Food on the kitchen table. A bed with my dolls on it. A dresser. New clothes. Everything. I thought I entered the wrong room. I checked the room number. It was correct. I opened the door. The same room.

School was starting soon. I didn't want to go. Nobody would say that they don't know me although they probably do. Everybody will probably forget me on the first day. Even if we're in the same class, they'd be saying that they don't know me to each other. But I didn't mind. I grew up hating people. It was just that... At the same time... I was growing more desperate... For love... That's all I wanted to ask for... I wanted people to see me, notice me.

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School started. People were in their circle of friends. Except for me. I didn't fit in any of the circles. So I sat alone even during our free time. I stayed in my classroom and looked at people playing around.

I hated being alone, but at the same time, I didn't want anyone to think that I was lonely. I hated being with people. They always looked happy with their friends, but when I talked to them, they'd either fake a smile or run away. They were always having fun without me. Therefore, I wanted to be the reason to make people smile. People who think they're a waste of space, people with traumatic experiences like me, I wanted to reach out to them to make them smile.

I should start small.

I needed to find work to buy food and such. I went from block to block, and finally found a bakery that was looking for workers.

Afraid, I entered. I grabbed the sleeves of my sweater and bit my lip. I had my back straight and greeted the owner. I bowed and hit my head on the counter. I was laughed at by the owner.

"Look up at me. You look quite young for someone your age but I do know about your family quite well. So I'm not surprised that your age is older than how you look. I'll gladly take you in as one of our workers. But you're not the kind who should be standing at the front. How about you bake some bread? You at least know how to bake bread right?" I nodded and took the uniform the owner handed to me.

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I baked a couple of different types of bread.

"The bread is even better than the one we make! This would be great!"

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I was walking around the room. I couldn’t stay sitting.

What is this feeling? Anxiety? Excitement? But for what reason? I don't know... I don't know what I'm supposed to do... This is new to me... Arashi...

There was a knock on the door. The owner of the apartment. “How is everything so far? Are you feeling well? How is school? Are you making new friends? How many friends do you have?”

Why? Why is this woman so worried about me? What's wrong with me? What is so unusual about me? Did I do something wrong?

“E-everything's fine. You don't have to worry about anything.” I lied.

“Really? That's good. If you need anything, just tell me. You don't have to hold back. You know where my office is. Come in any time.”

I faked a smile and she left.

I don't know who I am... Who am I? Momo-chan... Who is this person who stands here not knowing how she really feels? How is she feeling? Has she become numb to her own feelings? What makes her so different that she's always alone? How does she really feel?

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My mind was filled with different thoughts. I didn't know what to do. I grabbed onto my hair and when I noticed, I was walking outside in the dark. I felt a bit refreshed but the air was polluted compared to the small villages in Japan. Someone grabbed my shoulder from behind. I quickly turned to see a drunk man. I feared what he was going to do to me. I punched his face and started running off without myself knowing until I got back to the apartment.

I flew onto the bed after washing my hands and fell asleep.

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First day of high school... I didn't want to go as usual. My hair was growing out... But I didn’t want to call the hair salon... I wrote letters to my cousin to send to Arashi at least once every one to two weeks.

I should write to him again... I haven’t told him that I’ve started work yet... I should start paying for living in this apartment. What am I thinking at a time like this... Momo-chan... Help me...

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~High school graduation~

“First up, is Reena Lee.”

I heard voices from the graduating class that I'm not supposed to a part of. “Who is she?” “There was someone like her in our grade?” “Is she even in our grade?” “She’s so short.” “She looks like a middle schooler” “Is she really graduating high school?” “Does she have a boyfriend?” “Does she even have any friends?” “Was she really accepted to a college or university?”

I bit my bottom lip. I didn't like it. Everyone saw me the same way. They didn't. They didn't see me. Another fake smile. I bowed to the crowd knowing that none of my relatives were here to see me.

I got into a college for free. I wasn't going back to that apartment. I have to save money to go to Japan. I found a better job with better pay. I made jewelry for both men and women. I made two pairs of blue bracelets that both men and women could wear. One for me, and one for him. I made four other bracelets with different colors according to each of the Arashi member's color. They were for practice, but they turned out better than it should have been according to my boss. But I couldn't expect less from myself. I had to go to that higher land.

I put each of the bracelets in envelopes of different colors, resembling the members so that they will receive it. I had faith that they would have it on.

I couldn't wait to graduate and get out of college. I was studying psychology and such to be able to work as a humanistic therapist.

My room in college had a desk, laundry machine, and a bed. That was enough for me. I hugged my dolls. One had the necklace I received for my birthday years ago. The other one had a similar one on. I smiled as I thought about the fact that I was able to send letters to them directly. Some of it might not be read, but I was still glad thinking about it.

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As usual, I was walking around the hall and nobody saw me. Nobody recognized me. Nobody knew me. Only teachers. I studied whenever I had time. I had to pass. I had to succeed. I had to do this. If I couldn’t graduate, I didn't know what I'd do to myself. I had enough scars.

I evolved each year and finally got a license as a humanistic therapist.

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I was running away from something. I don't know why, I don't know from what, but I was. I was afraid of the voice, the thing that was chasing after me. Was I imagining things? I don't know. But I felt something chasing after me. I heard a deep voice.

What is it saying? Reena? Me?

I tripped and fell from a cliff of a dry place, perhaps a desert. I was reaching out and screaming. "Momo-chan... Tasukete (Help me)... Momo-chan..."

Ding. Ding. “We are landing in Tokyo. Please sit and fasten your seatbelt.”

I'm back... Johnny-san. I'm finally back in Tokyo after 15 years.

I was nervous, but I was excited for what was to come. I started to run to the jimusho with my backpack and suitcase. I entered the building where I met Johnny-san and everyone else once again...

A new story was about to start.