I've finally completed the singing for my debut single. A week of making both the promotion and music video, then I could officially debut as a singer and an actress. Then all that will be left to do, is for it to be released and promoted. I could finally meet them more often like the old days.

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Someone entered with a box. I flinched as I grabbed onto Kei-niichan's hand and hid behind him.

He chuckled and mumbled to himself, "Cute as always."

"Hey guys, these are the letters you asked for earlier before VS Arashi started." He was a manager.

The unread letters from me were put in order from the oldest to newest. The oldest was the one from when I started college.

It's impossible... Kei... Niichan...

My eyes became wide and I looked up at Kei-niichan.

He put his arm around my shoulders and whispered these words to my ear so no one else could hear. "I'm truly sorry. I'm terribly... Sorry."

He hugged me tighter and had his lips on my neck. I felt something wet drop on me. He was crying. Not knowing what to do, I held his hands and put my fingers in between his.

"I... Don't know what to do anymore... No... Wonder..." I held his hands tighter.

He looked at me surprised because I rarely spoke to him. I fell to my legs. I put my hands to my ears and started to shake.

Looking at me shaking, Kei-niichan spoke these words, "You guys... Can you leave the room for a moment and let us have a private talk? Just the two of us? And... Please don't eavesdrop. I'll call you when we're finished. I beg you."

When they left, he sighed and saw that I was hugging myself with watery eyes.

He kneeled in front of me. "I-" I put my index finger on his lips.

I saw through everything. I saw the truth and what he was going to say was probably going to be a lie, things I didn't want to hear.

"Please... Please don't lie... Tell me the truth... I only want to know the truth...I might not be able to move on without knowing the truth." Tears fell.

He bit his lip. Tears were falling down his face. This was the first time I saw him crying without any alcohol circulating inside his body.

When I put my finger away, he started, "I... Couldn't. I loved you. I saw you as my little sister... You never smiled in front of me so I became desperate to see you smile. I wanted to see your smile. I wanted to be the reason for your smile. But you wouldn't. I didn't like that. I was jealous of Arashi. I've heard from them that a little girl visited them from time to time during the summer. I found out it was you. You'd leave the room while I was practicing with the other Johnny's juniors. The reason I didn't send the letters was because of my own selfishness. On top of that, you haven't been coming each summer since Arashi's debut because your parents passed away from a car accident... Your house caught on fire the next month even if school was going to start in a few days. After those incidents, not only did you lose almost everything you treasured, but you lost all your presence... None of your relatives came to take you in... I couldn't because our family didn't have the money to pay for the plane and I didn't have the time to pick you up and take you in even if I wanted to see your smile... I couldn't let you get hurt any further... That's why I stopped the letters... I'm sorry."

I took some tissues from my pocket of my hoodie and started wiping his tears. He always had a kind heart. I smiled gently and thanked him. He looked up at me and his tears stopped. I wondered what was wrong but he nodded off and fell towards me. His head was on my shoulder. I rubbed his back and hugged him. I turned him so he'd be facing up and I was hugging from behind. He was like a kid falling asleep like this. That was when I saw something in his pocket.

It looks like one of the letters I thought he sent to Arashi but... The blue envelope... It's the one I specifically sent to Ohno-san. This shade of blue was probably that letter... One of the first letters I sent after those huge accidents. It was the one I couldn't let anyone but Ohno-san see. Or maybe just not yet.

There was a knock on the door. Masuda-san from NEWS entered and sat next to me. He looked at me and I looked away. He giggled.

"Reena-chan... You weren't like this years ago... But I understand why you would act this way. I know I’m your favorite member from NEWS since you were attached to me most. But don't worry. I don't know about the others, but I haven't told anyone - not a single person - about what happened to you. I can't completely understand how you feel, but I at least know that you were mentally hurt badly. You're still hurt... Anyways... I'll drag him back to our room. I'll call Arashi so you can finish doing whatever you were doing with them."

I felt pain in my heart, but I took this as a chance he gave me to move forward. I thanked him for this opportunity. He gave his adorable smile that I liked, telling me not to thank him.

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They finished reading the letters. I didn't know how to react. I felt fingers going through my hair. It got more nervous. Those fingers went to my head.

"Reena-chan, thank you." It was Ohno-san's voice.

I stood up and started running. I hid myself in a locker. I was afraid. After finding the letter from long ago, I didn't know how to face them properly.

I heard footsteps going back and forth. From time to time, I heard my name. This situation probably went on for about 5 minutes until someone opened the locker. I was surprised to see Ohno-san in front of me. He pulled me out and hugged me. He took my hand and walked me back to the room right after.

Matsumoto-san smirked when we entered. I flinched and tried to pull away but Ohno-san tightly held onto my hand so I couldn't go anywhere.

"Don't run..." He looked at me sadly.

I kept my distance and entered.

I looked around the room and realized that Ninomiya-san was missing.

"If it's about Nino, don't worry. I just called him." Ohno-san told me.

I reached into my pocket of my hoodie and noticed that the letter in the blue envelope wasn't in there. I checked my other pockets but it wasn't there either. I rushed out the room back to the locker. I saw Ninomiya-san walking this way as he waved his hand. He didn't seem any different and wasn't holding anything. I ran past him to find the letter. I couldn't let anyone read it.

I reached the locker. I looked around but there wasn't anything blue around. I continued to search for it as I walked back to the room.

What happened?

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I came back to front of the room. I stood in front of the door not knowing what to do.

What if they read it without me? I usually changed the color of the envelope so they knew who the letter it was sent to. And what was written in it was supposed to be a secret from each other. But what if... What if... Ninomiya-san read that letter? What if he told Ohno-san? What if he told Arashi about it? What if they found out that I'm Tai-chan?

Anxiously, I opened the door.

"Reena-chan! Why did you run off all of a sudden!? You got all of us worried!" I heard a sudden voice when I entered. It was Aiba-san.

They don't seem to know about it yet... I think...

"Oh yeah, you want to trade numbers? Wouldn't it make it easier for you to talk or chat with us that way? Tell us your number and we'll send you a text." I had a sensation that Ninomiya-san said hiding something, but I did anyways.

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I thought I was able to relax for the day since I didn't have any recording or anything to do, but someone just had to mess my schedule up. I was waiting inside a private room of a café waiting for him. I was nervous. I knew something was wrong yesterday.

Why didn't I ask at the spot?

I clenched my fists on my laps. The door opened. I looked up to see that it was the one and only, Ninomiya-san, the one I suspected most.

"I thought you weren't going to come since you didn't answer my text." I didn't make eye contact. "Reena-chan... Here... This..." He put out the blue envelope. "I know I shouldn't have, but I did... This was probably to Riida right? I mean, considering it was in a blue envelope. Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. Not even to Riida. I promise. Because I know you want to do that yourself. But why? Why was this letter the only one that was found in this building?"

"I ca-"

"It was your cousin right?" He cut me off.

I could've guessed, but somebody was actually eavesdropping...

"Reena-chan... Sorry... I didn't intend to do so... But I couldn’t hold myself back. I got curious in who you really were, who you are at heart. But you know why he did this? It was for you. He cares for you. He didn't want you to get hurt. And now that you know his true intentions... Are you prepared? Are you ready to face the pain that might follow if you showed them the letters?"

"I understand very well. And I'm grateful that he has been thinking about me all this time. But even so, he has hurt me by doing this. I sent these kinds of letters to you and the other members through him aware of the consequences. Because, I loved you. But I was 12 when I started sending the letters. It wasn't until I started college that I started sending letters to you directly. That was when I had enough of the money to send those letters straight to you without having it sent to my cousin because it was quicker that way. Only if I knew he wasn't giving it to you... I would have actually saved the money I spent to send the letters to him. I could have used the money in a more efficient way."

After a short pause, "Reena-chan, we're allowed to have one special guest at a special seat at our live. It's not mandatory to invite someone but I wanted to know if you would be interested in coming. I'll ask the other members."

I didn't know what was going on in his head at this moment. But I felt like I was supposed to accept this invitation. So I nodded.

"This conversation is over. Have a nice day today." He paid for the things we ordered and left with a fresh smile. He was a true actor.

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I was walking down the streets of Tokyo with a dull outfit so no one would approach me. Not only that, but so that nobody would find out who I was. I usually wore the same outfit to school and work but something different outside. I didn't want anyone to be recognizing me.

"Are? Reena-chan?" My heart skipped a beat at the voice.

How? Why? It can't be. I'm dressed completely different from what I usually wear to work. I turned to the owner of the voice. Ohno-san... Could there be a timing worse than this?

"Yappari (I knew it)... You were dressed so different from when you were at the jimusho that I thought you were someone else when we were passing each other just a short moment ago. You're dressed like a guy! It suits you though." He laughed knowing I was embarrassed. "What are you doing around here at this time on a rest day?"

"I..." I couldn't tell that I was meeting with Ninomiya-san...

"Is it something you can't tell me?" He peered into me. I looked away. I heard him let out a sigh. "You want to walk to the jimusho together?"

I nodded and took his hand. Of course it was an act to show that I didn't want to get lost in the crowd. But at the same time, a part of me actually felt that way. I didn't want to be away from him. I saw him smile as he started walking.

"Reena-chan..." I flinched when he called me so suddenly. I looked up at him with a questioning expression. "Nevermind. Sorry. I just wanted to call your name and see your surprised face."

"Ohno-san..." He was even more surprised than I was. I giggled at his reaction.

We were nearing an empty playground. I stopped as I let go of his hand and looked at the swings. Ohno-san pulled me to the swings knowing I wanted to go there.

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We didn't speak a single word to each other for a while. The sun was setting. It was a beautiful view. A view, we didn't appreciate enough.

"Tai... Chan..."

Why... Why did he call that name so suddenly...? Has he found out already? Did he hear from Ninomiya-san? But we just talked about it...

"Dare (Who is it)?" I asked after a short moment.

He had a shocked expression for a second and said, "She... She was like my little sister. Arashi's little sister. Our first fan. She promised to send us letters since we were going to be busy but make sure to come visit from time to time when she came to Japan in the summer. But since the year of our debut... Not a single letter... Not a single visit..." I heard a sniff. He was probably crying. "This story is a bit dark... How about we talk about something else?" He stood up and stretched.

Why? How can he act normally? Tai-chan is in front of you... It’s me... I sent letters. I sent letters to you. It's just that... Kei-niichan...

A tear fell.

"Reena-chan? Are you okay?" He walked up to me and tightly wrapped his arms around me as if he regretted bringing that name up.

You told me the truth. That's why I started crying.

I felt the pain he has been carrying in his heart this whole time. It was only because I knew the reason. The reason was me.

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The promotion video to my first single was released.

I made my first appearance in VS Arashi. I was so excited that I was nervous.

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I felt stressed out and I let out a sigh. My manager entered.

"Hi you must be tired. Is there a way you usually relax at home?" She asked not knowing about my past but I didn't mind.

"I play games." I didn't want anyone to find out about who I truly was. I couldn't allow it. I haven't even forgiven myself.

My past... My parents... My family... School... My life...

Arashi...