Ohno-san took my hand and brought me to the kitchen. He pulled out a chair for me to sit in but I took the seat across.

“Reena-chan, that's my seat. Why won't you sit here?” Ohno-san patted the chair but I shook my head. He smiled and threatened me, “I'll sit next to you and actually feed you then. The other Arashi members will be coming soon. Is that fine with you?” I didn't believe his words.

He probably said that the other members were coming to get me out of this seat. But why am I acting like such a kid now? I want his love. I want his attention. I want his everything. What am I thinking at a time like this?

"Ohno-san... Can we do it one more time?" I have become desperate for him all of a sudden. It was probably from being away from him too long although I was away for years before the incident.

Ohno-san held my cheeks so I'd look straight into his eyes. I slightly closed my eyes signaling that I was ready as I held onto his shirt. I felt his warmth all around me. This was probably what I wanted my whole life - someone to listen to what I have to say and notice and accept me as who I was and will be.

Then suddenly, I heard Ohno-san's voice say something. "You want to do it now?"

I stood up and pressed my lips against him pretending that I didn't hear him. His hands were sliding down to my waist as we continued passionately ignoring the world around us. I didn't notice the tip of his fingers under my shirt but I did notice his one arm going around my whole waist. He picked me up and laid me down onto the bed of his bedroom. We let go of each other and he locked the door to the room.

No... It can't be... Not yet... I didn't mean it to come out this way. Please...

Ohno-san pushed my shoulders down and pinned them to the bed. I was nervous of what was going to happen next.

"Reena-chan, let's do it now." Ohno-san looked very serious about this.

"But Ohno-san... Can't we do it after marriage? I don't think I'm able to do it right at this moment... But maybe after marriage."

"Then let's marry right now. Let's have a wedding right now. Then you'd be able to do it right?"

"But don't we have to choose a tuxedo and wedding dress and have everything prepared? We can't just have a wedding out of nowhere."

Ohno-san paused for a moment with his sad puppy look. He didn't want to hold it in. He rolled down next to me and sighed. "When are we going to have the wedding anyways? We never even talked or gave a thought about it."

We looked at the empty ceiling in the silence. I didn't like the silence so I started talking about what I've been doing while I was 'gone' from his and the other Arashi members' world. The times in which I didn't exist. A couple of tears fell as I talked about it. The car crash. The death of my parents. The burning of my house. Bare foot. Old apartment. Life at school. Letters. Graduation. License. Finally.

As I was reaching the end of my story, I suddenly started to feel dizzy and struggled. I turned away from Ohno-san and rolled up. That was when I felt a falling sensation. But I never touched the floor. I kept on falling and falling and falling... I fell... Until I completely out.

--------------------

I opened my eyes and found out that I was in the hospital... Again...

Why am I here? What is with the beeps I'm hearing? Why do I feel my own breath? Am I allowed to sit up? There are a few windows in here but it's completely dark in here. Are any of the nurses or doctors working at this hour?

I sighed and my heart ached. The pitch of the beep rose and it hurt my ears.

What's going on? Do I have breathing problems? Why? Is it because I haven't been eating? Someone... Help...

The door opened and people came in.

"It's okay she's still breathing." "She has to put something in ." "Bring her water. Quick!" There were so many voices speaking around me. I didn't understand what was going on.

Ohno-san... Where are you? What happened? I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... Gomen (sorry)... Kurushii (it hurts)... Am I crying? Am I yelling? Can my voice be heard? Wakaranai (I don't know)...

My mouth was finally free and water was slowly being drained down. I felt better and the knot in my heart was disappearing. I could somewhat move better.

"Excuse me... Why am I here? How long do I have to stay here?" I don't know if they could hear me or not but it's still worth trying.

"You've out because you haven't been eating. You don't have enough calories and you are now eating your own fat and muscles because of that. You may leave when you return to your normal state." One of the nurses answered me with a polite voice and left the room with the cup of water beside the lamp.

But... You didn't answer my question. You didn't hear my voice. You didn't... Answer my question... Why don't you hear my voice? Sir Carl R. Rogers... There are still doctors... Nurses... Who cannot hear their clients' voices. But I do hope... A day will come when everyone would be able to hear each other. That day will come... The movement has only started...

--------------------

When I woke up, light was beaming into the room and there was a meal beside my bed. I was wondering what time it was and looked around the room. There was a clock right by the lamp with the glass of water. I couldn't see so clearly because of the light but I at least knew that it was before noon so I sat up.

I put one hand on my face and noticed that I could breathe on my own and my heart felt free. I felt better. Then I remembered a small research I did on my own time. It was a research about being heartbroken. When someone feels heartbroken from whatever happened, the heart can literally be broken and will start to have trouble breathing because of a part of the heart broke. Not enough blood will flow through the body and the person can end up passing away from being heartbroken. This may have been the reason to why I was having trouble breathing that night.

If only I didn't lose my mother... If only I hadn't been in the car accident... If only I had warned my mother... I wouldn't have been heartbroken... I wouldn't be in the hospital at this moment. I would be healthy. I can't cry. My heart would knot again. I should have eaten at least a few bites those days I was captured. Those days still haunt me and my everyday life...

I reached out to the meal and started chewing on the food that was prepared for me. Tears started falling down my cheeks as I ate. I've never felt so lonely in ages. I never thought that I would feel this lonely even after I arrived at Japan. I thought it was only normal for someone like me to be alone and not feel lonely at the same time. My theory has been proven to be incorrect. I was totally wrong.

--------------------

When I opened my eyes once again, I was placed in a different room. It was all fluffy and glittery. Everything was bright and comfortable.

"Reena-chan... Are you awake? My beautiful Reena-chan... You can't leave me behind like this. You rush too much. I always warm you to calm down and yet you get ahead of yourself." I felt something warm being placed on my cheek and heard a light chuckle.

There was a sharp pain in my chest that lasted for a second or two. I saw the face of the owner of the voice.

Kei-niichan? Has Ohno-san told him about me? Arigatou... I can only feel grateful for everyone in my life right now... For Kei-niichan... For Tegoshi-san... For Masuda-san... For Kato-san... Sakurai-san... Matsumoto-san... Aiba-san... Ninomiya-san... Ohno-san... My parents... The owner of the apartment... The owner of the bakery... It's like I have no other feelings. Am I dying? No... I'm still alive... Kei-niichan... You can see me right? I'm right in front of you. You see my eyes are opened. I'm not gone yet. I won't go just yet. No...

I couldn't open my mouth to say a single word to him. Not even an 'I'm okay'...

--------------------

I woke up again and saw a shadow in the room. I recognized the shadow. The back was a bit curved and some of the hair was standing towards one side. I could tell from this angle that this person had a bit of a round face. There was a scar on the cheek.

"Ohno-san?" The man looked up at my face with a surprised look. "You're Ohno-san right? It's you right?" I was excited to see him again and struggled a bit to sit back up to see him. "Gomen... It's all my fault. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I wasn't thinking enough."

Ohno-san interrupted me when I was opened my mouth to say another word and spoke. "Would you please stop apologizing? It's also my own fault. I wasn't looking carefully.  I wasn't watching after you well enough. It's my fault too. I wanted to be the only one looking after you. I thought I was the only one who was watching over you. I thought I was good enough but I was just being overconfident. I couldn't do it alone. Even if someone was besides you, you couldn't be saved. I don't want to let you go anymore. I'm not giving up on us. You were the one who saved my life with your small body. You were the one who put color to my black and white world and yet I couldn't do anything to help you out. I couldn't do anything to pay it back. I'm... Sorry."