Username: dhaatk

Story Title (&link): Namjoon the Great

Main Characters (+pairings): Namjoon, Luhan, Jaejoong, Chaerin, Nari

Genre(s): Drama, 

Current Length (No. of Chapters): 10 / completed

Rated?: Yes.

Reviewer: KDG

_______________ ✦일부분 일; part one; the beginning. ✦_______________

Title;  5/5

The title is the overall definition and plot base for the story, so of course it fits just fine. ^^ The focus is on Namjoon - why he's the greatest, how he got that title, and so on.
But I also realize the deeper meaning behind it, so, to me, I think it fits perfectly. If anyone says otherwise- ahem, they can report to me.

Poster/Background;  2.5/5

I must say this: have you ever seen those movie posters where the face is split in half and either has two different people connected, one person with two different styles, etc.? That - maybe - type of poster would work perfectly for this. Half vibrant and beautiful, the other half dark and menacing. Namjoon is great, but hiding himself. The dark colors reflect only the negativity featured here, and though they are great colors to base... the red doesn't help, and there needs to be some of the fake happiness we see with Namjoon. But also at the same time, the monchrome and basics are a good fit because that's what you see on the outside of Namjoon; symbolism isn't something you can pinpoint before a story though...

>>I liked one of the earlier posters, if it was the first one. I saw it when you first requested and I remember how I wanted to say how lovely it was and so simplistic, but detailed all the same.


Description & Foreword;  7/10

     Common idea to  present a character who is broken beneath the mask they wear, but with an interesting set of characters, it draws me more towards it to see who they truly are and where this is going. Although... I like the sentences given, they confuse me in the way that they seem so random, but the only connection is Namjoon's "greatness". I feel it'd be better wthout the quotes and maybe just what you have in black for the description...
>> Warning - great job with that.
>> Playlist is always an added bonus for me, because it shows emotion and feelings the author had in mind for the story or what helped influence it. 
>> Showing the character list how you do, it's interesting because we shall see the people through the pictures you show before reading about them. Always remember this fact. We see Namjoon smiling, Luhan being cute, Jaejoong being attractive, Chaerin being mysterious, and Nari being pretty. I'll add on to this part in the characterization.
 

______________ ✦두 번째 부분; the second part; the seam.✦______________

Creativity/Originality;  5/5

     Psychologically based stories (which that should be added, because this is one, too) are hard to some; I stalked through your stories adn saw some great ideas and one thing I notice is that you can do angst/darker/sad/psych stories a lot more easily, since they are so common. For this one, however, you did fairly well, but it wasn't until the chapter progressed that I got to see the beauty of every inch of it - like a flower. Your story has a meaning behind it, in it, and all throughout its glorious lines and I can't stress enough how I want to see more in the beginning only because this is an important thing! The first few chapters are lacking (and I continually say this, I'm sorry), and you could do so much. 
     You show us some pretty normal things for such a high-paced life, and just a hard life in general, but you put a spin on it by giving us the story lines through Namjoon and your characters. With Chaerin's case, that was intersting to see, because I haven't seen someone actually try to put that down with some actual good basis to this. It had depth and ended with meaning, because you didn't just drop it, you kept the memory of it and it was something important to Namjoon. I can say this about a lot of features, because it's something to have your character be a cold then try to write him off as emotional, but you give us Namjoon as a typical model on the outside and someone so emotionally torn and your beautifully distinctive writing makes so much of this memorable. That's what left me stunned.

Plot;  17/20

     You could actually draw this story out and play with the little plot lines here and there, but I think the ten chapter + epilogue is a good stopping point. Aside from lack of definition in the beginning, I can easily grasp what this story is about and the point. Namjoon, with all of his flaws, is a normal human and though his life is overdone and things are ty, life goes on; he loses everyone he cares for, and he still goes on. We witness all these hardships and how Namjoon comes to realize what life truly means to him after losing one thing after another. It's touching, filled with sadness that can't be shaken, and there are little surprising things I wish we could've seen amplified - like Luhan's death, his mother's death, Chaerin's life, etc. But with thouse open holes, we can always think up what might've happened with this. The plot is great and with a touch of additional things in the beginning instead of stammering through the A/Ns to explain, it'll be just perfect.

Spelling, Vocab, and Grammar;   13/15

    Major things to point out:
> When finishing a sentence - primarily one that is being spoken - don't use dashes. 
> You had typos here and there, and that's easily fixable, so you're good with that. Also, your grammar is just fine and your work is nice, neat, and easy to read and understand. I just think there needs to be more detail throughout to conjure your point across to readers. With that being said, the story is great, just needs some touch-ups.
     

Characterization;   10/15

     First off, just  to be a pain in your , I would like to say since you are writing an Asian-themed story, but the names in Asian theme; Kim Namjoon not Namjoon Kim. It throws off the feeling of them actually being there, because Koreans don't great with first names then given names.
     Kim Namjoon, at first, seem so cool, yet almost snobby...? And as things progress, I feel we are left out of his thoughts and way of being since there is a definite lack of detail thorughout. And by the time I reached the point of his former best friend dying... I nearly scoffed. I'm sorry. If your former best friend has died, you don't react so vaguely and without a sense of sorrow. There's a slight change in his senses, but other than that... why is he not feeling? And Nari nearly cries, but she is somewhat okay. That's acceptable since it's been so long and she's had time to accept his fate. This is new info for a guy who was best friends with him!
     By chapter 4, though, it was a giant twist. It showed the spark of who Namjoon was. It showed a lot more, and it was what I was waiting for or hoping to see. It was like the fourth chapter pieced everything together and we can see that Namjoon is a broken man and that Luhan is being shown as a real human with depth. From chapter four, I can see the characterization much better. 
     Chaerin, though, is a mental mess and I love it. Seeing how she goes from one point to another and back and forth between emotions... And then there's Nari, who I'm anxious to see much more of. The character formation is lovely and I like how they progress. 

     Overall, after reading through it more than once, trying to figure out what to do - I say that the characters are really not shown properly in the beginning, and they only start to truly appear by chapter 4-5. After that, we get a sense of who they are, who we like, and so on. I think throughout that we'd get a better grip of Namjoon if you did add more to it - even with other characters, too.
     From reading your A/Ns, I see you wanted Luhan very prominent and Namjoon to sort of... not accept his gayness. Which I had to go back and really stare at the chapters to see. I still don't get Namjoon's anti being gay, only with Luhan, but even then it's not how I think you described it. 

_______________ ✦일부분 삼; part three; the little things. ✦_______________

Chapter Titles;  5/5

Either for the day or event taking place as a main part of the chapter - easy to understand and fits well.

Flow;  7/10

     Though I like the idea of skipping dates and throwing in important plot points for each character, I feel the skips are a bit too wide or just... random, in a way. We go from meeting Namjoon, to meeting Luhan, Luhan completely blowing him in the car while he's driving, to seeing Chaerin after two years and her being so changed, to going to each ccharacter and each tiny point. Now, with more detail or more of a story with each chapter, I'd probably get more of a connection to Namjoon and/or other characters that add to the story. I just know that if there was more volume to a chapter, that it'd flow better together as a chapter, as a part of this whole thing, and will give more value to it.
     The only main thing I can say that would fix the giant flow gaps (becuse giant gaps aren't bad, they just depend on the writing) is the detailing.

Writing Style (format + your style);  10/10

Your formatting was great. And your style is so lovely to read. I felt emotions and wanted to hug some characters. I think one think I kept with me, aside from the pain from Namjoon, was the fact in all the bad and aall the negativity with people, there was a true friend for him: Nari. It's small details like that that capture me as a reader and I smile thinking of it. Nari was truly amazing and she connected through a small fraction to Namjoon and she dealt with his bull like a boss and I applaud that addition of a character to stabilize the frequency of how everyone was messed up in a way. 

Extra & Notes;

     This was a beautifully written piece, and I would like to see more of your stuff, so I'll stalk again. But I would like to note that despite anything, I'm sorry for not posting this sooner. I actually would like to see more of this world in general, only because it could be added to with the drama and having a happy ending would be a nice comfort thought, but that is me as a fan right now. 

Total Score; 81. 5 ♡