A Lover's Tale 

By:shawolistic

Title: 3/5

It’s a pretty common title. Though it does hint that your oneshot a breakup tale.im guessing that was your intention.

Poster: 8/10

Well it’s not a poster but it does seem like a fitting picture of Kai. The pathetic look on his face fit your story well.   

Characterization: 15/15

You did well. Unless you weren’t trying to make Kai seem pathetic then I have no idea what you were going for. Honestly I thought this Kai was disgusting. The way he missed her after killing her, it’s horrible. Not the murder part just the fact that he was hesitant at first.  And her actions like pleeeease you have Kai okay are you honestly that much of a for attention. Really? Gosh. He’s not your pet.

Format: 8/10

The organization of the paragraph was a good length it seemed like I was reading a book but there is one problem. I like reading books in paper format. WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE INTERNET GO FIND AN EDITOR ! Yeah because I’m weird like that I took off 2 points.  

Detail: 8/10 

Your writing style is great and your really descriptive but the issue is that your TOOO descriptive. Like when you were describing her after raven hair I lost interest.  I felt like you were dragging it too much.  I know it’s a technique that writers use but it’s a technique that I really hate. It’s not doing much for the advancement of the story. I get that you were probably going for things that he missed about her but you ended the sentence weirdly that didn’t follow though. Then the rest of that paragraph seemed out of place until Her love for me.

Creativity/Plot/Originality: 6/20

I’ve read/seen/heard this type of story before and I got a bit tired of it. The story of a jealous lover that took revenge seem so 50s style. I never liked revenge stories to begin with I find the whole genre of revenge overrated  

I didn’t think that he had a good reason to murder her so what that she was a attention . Yeah I got that his Kai’s was a possessive but I find the “you don’t appreciate me. Alright you die” Boring.

Take her to a silent place and murder her. Not a big fan of that style. Have some pride if your going to do something bad why hide it. So what if you get caught you don’t regret it does it matter where you do it.

I’m sorry I just don’t like this type of storyline.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 30/30

Oh my god I Can’t find a mistake in your oneshot in this area. Your spelling your word choice was perfect.

No comment

Overall: 78/100

Additional Comments:

It was a good story overall I just I issues with the actually plot line

Reviewer:

Mikunnie